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Thursday, June 30, 2005 :::


Crack makes you constipated. Love makes you blind. Mix the two together, add a little Bobby Brown, and you got magic. Via a Time Out New York interview:

INTERVIEWER: You and Whitney are so intertwined in the public mind. Does it bother you that some people call you Mr. Whitney Houston?

BB: That doesn't bother me, because that's my wife and I'm proud of her.

INTERVIEWER: Evidently, you're very close. There's a moment in [your new reality] show when you describe helping Whitney with constipation by using your, uh, hand. Were you kidding?

BB: Oh no, I had to. She couldn’t go boo-boo. Sometimes, when people are constipated, you gotta help them out.

INTERVIEWER: I don't know if I'd do that for my wife.

BB: Why not?

INTERVIEWER: I don't think she'd let me. But I'm glad you guys have that type of relationship.

BB: Yes, we do.

::: posted by dan at 2:11 PM :: [ link ] :: (22) comments Social Bookmark Button


Tuesday, June 28, 2005 :::

Ragdoll, living in a movie.

I could watch this for hours.

The person responsible for it describes it here. But I hate it when she gets stuck. She kinda looks like Sharon Stone.

[via presurfer]

::: posted by dan at 11:59 PM :: [ link ] :: (26) comments Social Bookmark Button


Cooter Out

The kickball season has ended. The Greasy Cooters lost, but that doesn't matter, because we ended with our best ranking yet: 3 - 4. Not bad, Cooters. So anyway, this is the last time (until Fall season starts) that I will be bugging you with Cooter Pics, so that's the good news. The bad news is that it was revealed that one of our favorite teammates (pictured left and disguised for his protection) is of the conservative republican persuasion. But again, it doesn't matter, because with pics like this one, he ain't ever running for office. Kidding. He's a good guy in spite of his politics.

See the pics.

::: posted by dan at 11:19 PM :: [ link ] :: (9) comments Social Bookmark Button



Fresh out of college and making $9.38 an hour (+ benefits!), I looked for ways to supplement my income while doing the least amount of work possible. This was around the dawn of eBay. I had read somewhere online that a certain Sears catalog had been recalled back in the 1970's for showing a little too much "skin" on one of the male underwear models, and I looked on eBay to see that this particular catalog was readily available from sellers who apparently weren't aware of its collectibility. So I bought a couple (for around $10 a piece) and then relisted them on eBay (for around $35 a piece). I had no problem selling them after describing what could be seen on page 602. Nowadays, the effort hardly seems worth the $25 profit, but I get a little nostalgic recalling my days as a Sears catalog smut broker:

You can hardly even see anything from this bad scan unless you really squint hard, but trust me, the guy in the boxers was definitely in need of some longer drawers. Recently, my coworker sold a couple old star wars action figures on eBay for $100 a piece, and my friend B* sold some anime book for over $1,000, so I'd be in way over my head if I tried to compete in that market again. I'm officially retired from the eBay selling scene.

There are some other people who should probably retire as well.
For instance, whoever was the model for this auction.

::: posted by dan at 11:24 AM :: [ link ] :: (15) comments Social Bookmark Button


Friday, June 24, 2005 :::


Warning, ginormous animated gif.

Cruise kills oprah.

ps. Katie Holmes was brainwashed! By Xenu!

::: posted by dan at 3:12 PM :: [ link ] :: (25) comments Social Bookmark Button


Thursday, June 23, 2005 :::

Adventures in Video

Years and years ago, before I was a world class web designer, and before there was Blockbuster, I worked at a mom and pop video shop chain, where I learned a lot of important life lessons worth sharing:

1. If you work alone and you have a roll of toilet paper for a pillow, you can sleep on the job in the pre-noon hours. Simply clear off the bottom shelf behind the counter and shut your eyes. When the bell attached to the front door wakes you up, roll over off the shelf onto all fours and pretend like you are searching for something. If your eyes are red and puffy, blame allergies.

2. Everybody rents porn. That includes your ninth grade social studies teacher, your friend's mom, and your revered church pastor. And they are all surprisingly unashamed to do so. Your church pastor will inevitably keep his porn late, incurring late fees, and you will be forced to call the rectory to tell him so. Oh, and judging from their choices, they are all into fetishes, too.

3. If you have a night deposit box for video returns, someone at some point will take the opportunity to pee in it.

4. If you look close enough at every bottle of Diet Coke in the refreshments cooler, you can tell if it's a winning cap or not. This means free Diet Coke forever.

5. If you have a really good memory and you happen to remember your regular customers' phone numbers (that are required in order to look up their accounts when they are ready to check out), just ask for it anyway, because they will think you are really creepy if they find out you've memorized it. They may even tell your boss that they think it's creepy. Then the head office may even draft a memo to all employees about how you can keep your customers comfortable by not revealing that you've memorized all of their phone numbers. It will save you a lot of hassle in the long run.

6. Just because they give you the title of assistant manager doesn't mean you will make more than $5.75 an hour.

7. A lot of people don't realize that there is a camera in the back porn room. You may think you are in private, but you are not. Always look for a camera before you touch yourself or before you get aroused while wearing sweat pants.

8. This back room camera is also equipped with a microphone. So keep your sighs and your moans and your solo dirty talk at a whisper level.

9. Don't use the toilet. It's never been cleaned. Similarly, don't eat the free popcorn. That popping machine has never been washed.

10. If a regular customer brings you in a homemade muffin, don't be suspicious. It may taste like cardboard, but it's harmless.

::: posted by dan at 7:28 PM :: [ link ] :: (18) comments Social Bookmark Button


Intelligent Design

A flying spaghetti monster with a noodly appendage created the universe. Seems logical to me. There is even a chart to back it all up:

You'll have to read this Open Letter to the Kansas School Board if you want to understand how it all comes together.

::: posted by dan at 7:18 PM :: [ link ] :: (4) comments Social Bookmark Button


Pickup Lines: The First Drafts

I love you, McSweeneys. I'm not familiar with the pick up line that the Tennessee one is referring to. Could someone please 'splain?

Pickup Lines: The First Drafts

Are your legs tired? Oh, well, I'm not surprised; your thighs are almost comically muscular.

You must wash your pants with Windex, because something really smells like Windex.

Your father must have been a thief. I don't know, you just have the look of someone who was raised by criminals.

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? That is to say, would you be offended by my comments, not would you physically hold your body against mine. Sorry for any confusion. Anyways, would you?

Do you have a little Italian in you? Really? Wait, what was your last name again? Oh, yeah, I guess that does sound Irish. Never mind.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I probably wouldn't. Can you imagine how much that would screw with everybody?

Are you from Tennessee? I hate people from Tennessee.

Excuse me; I seem to have misplaced my inmate number, which was assigned to me by this state's accursed penal system after it was discovered that I was indeed the "Fruit by the Foot Strangler." Can I borrow yours?

Can I borrow a quarter? I need to call my mother and tell her I've found the girl I'm going to annoy for the next 5-10 minutes.

::: posted by dan at 12:24 AM :: [ link ] :: (7) comments Social Bookmark Button


The news sucks.

Don't know what the Downing Street Memo is? That's not surprising if you live in America. Read about it here. Natalee is that girl who went missing on her senior trip in Aruba or whatever. And Michael Jackson was in a really cool video with morphing faces and stuff once.

::: posted by dan at 12:12 AM :: [ link ] :: (12) comments Social Bookmark Button


Wednesday, June 22, 2005 :::

Cooter Update

We totally won a kickball game. And it only took eleven innings.

I got on base legitimately twice and was responsible for some pretty nice fielding maneuvers. Loads of pics at

::: posted by dan at 1:08 AM :: [ link ] :: (6) comments Social Bookmark Button


Monday, June 20, 2005 :::

The Hall of Humorless Bitches

A healthy sense of humor can be a rare thing in some circles.

Tom Cruise
Sure, it wasn't the most clever prank ever perpetrated, but it's certainly not the first time he's ever been humiliated in public. And perhaps having the entire production crew arrested for assault was going a wee bit overboard. So your face got wet. Big deal. Wear waterproof mascara next time.

Sean Penn
A full two hours after Chris Rock makes a lame joke about Jude Law's ubiquitousness (that the entire audience instantly forgot), he felt it necessary to defend Jude on-stage in an embarrassing display of stone-faced righteousness, effectively draining every last drop of humor from an already lackluster Oscar ceremony. This comes only months after he drafted up a complaint letter to the makers of the puppet satire "Team America" about what he felt was an unfair portrayal of him and his issues. Dude, it was a movie with puppets.

Clint Eastwood
You can practically hear the sound of twigs snapping on the extremely rare occasions when Clint tries to crack a smile. After making the cruelest movie in cinematic history and winning an award for it, he used his speech time to berate another humorless bitch, Michael Moore, by stating that if Michael Moore ever showed up at his doorway, he would kill him.

Michael Moore
I honestly like Michael Moore's movies and I typically agree with his point of view on many things, but for someone who is so good at dishing it out, he certainly ain't so good at taking it. And then watching him actually accuse featherweight entertainment "news"caster Kendis Gibson of trying to censor him during a puff piece interview was cringeworthy.

Denzel Washington
During the course of a single interview, he managed to a) speak for jesus, b) imply Katie Couric was a racist, c) insult Meryl Streep, and d) call himself an "ex-slave". He also told Barbara Walters, in a pre-Oscar interview, that if he lost the Best Actor award (for Malcom X) it could only be due to racism within the academy. Along with a sense of humor, modesty ain't one of his strongest traits.

Motorcycle Owners
Just kidding. I ain't opening that can of worms again.

::: posted by dan at 10:50 PM :: [ link ] :: (13) comments Social Bookmark Button



This weekend I found myself on the roof of a three-story building in uptown Minneapolis at three in the morning with some people with whom I wasn't acquainted. I was a wee bit tipsy and there was a quick round of introductions during which this horrible exchange happened:

Him: Hi, I'm Tham
Me: Tham?

It was dark, so I had a hard time judging his ethnicity to figure out if I heard him right or not.

Him: Tham.
Me: Tham?

Awkward silence all around.

Him: THAM. I have a listhp.
Me: Oh... Sam.

Had it not been pitch black outside, he would've noticed my face was beet red. I felt so bad. I haven't stopped thinking about it all weekend. I'm sure he's probably used to having that conversation all the time and that it doesn't embarrass him anymore. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. He was a really nice guy. Anyway, I hope he doesn't hate me for being an ass.

::: posted by dan at 12:43 PM :: [ link ] :: (25) comments Social Bookmark Button


Sunday, June 19, 2005 :::


I don't want to know why anyone would build a humanoid robot girl, but I really wish they wouldn't have, so that I would never have seen these pictures:

Whatever you do, don't watch the video of the thing getting "sleepy". It makes me shudder. Mostly because it reminds me of how bad a movie AI was.

::: posted by dan at 5:28 PM :: [ link ] :: (8) comments Social Bookmark Button


Bush has the ring.

Although I would argue that the majority of internet users are liberal democrats and therefore the poll has no real scientific value whatsoever, it still makes me happy to see all that red in the "Yes" column:

On a related note, this is a protest - Hawaiian-style - taken by my friend Jeremy on his recent honeymoon:

Leave it to the Hawaiians to get all Middle-earthy.

::: posted by dan at 4:40 PM :: [ link ] :: (1) comments Social Bookmark Button


Saturday, June 18, 2005 :::

It doesn't even look centered.

Um, maybe his mama never taught him not to do stuff in the heat of the moment:

Jack Hansen, 27, has "God Bless the USA" tattooed on his forehead at a tattoo shop in St. Petersburg, Fla., on Sept. 21, 2001. The shop says its patrons are looking for patriotic themes in the wake of the Sept. 11 terror attacks on America.

::: posted by dan at 8:43 PM :: [ link ] :: (7) comments Social Bookmark Button


Thursday, June 16, 2005 :::

Jason Mulgrew: Eligible Blogging Bachelor

My blogging buddy (and quasi-internet celebrity) Jason Mulgrew must seem pitifully desperate as of late, because the illustrious People Magazine has seen fit to throw him a bone and declare him one of their Top 50 Bachelors. For serious:

Take a peek at his People profile (PDF).

Honestly, though, his site is consistently hysterical, and he knows how to milk the planetdan PR machine (it usually just takes a little sweet talk and some reciprocal linkage). Plus, he is being printed in a weekly periodical that will most likely also feature a status update on Lindsay Lohan's plummeting BMI, therefore he is no longer just a blogging buddy, he is a personal hero.

Also, he has assured me that if his fans demand it, his follow-up will be a full spread feature in Playgirl, so this People Magazine stuff is just to whet your appetites, ladies. Okay, so I made that up, but I'm only assuming his ego must need a little deflating at this point.

So you should read his site. If you never have before, and don't know where to begin, just start from the top. You can't go wrong. Nobody else uses vulgarities with such artful finesse.

::: posted by dan at 10:55 PM :: [ link ] :: (4) comments Social Bookmark Button


Park Police

Today I was cruising down the freeway when I spotted an unmarked police car a few cars up and a couple lanes over. It was the tell-tale dark sedan with the bulky light/siren apparatus not-so-cleverly hidden in the back window. I thought, "Ooo, good eye, dan, better slow 'er down," but then I looked at the license plate and it said "Park Police". I thought "Park Police?!? Ppfffft!!" and I returned to my normal speed and passed him right up, confident in his jurisdictional impotence. I barely got it back up to 65MPH when he pulled me over.

I don't know how it is in other parts of the city, state, or country, but I've never seen a park police patrol car outside of a park. And I always lived with the [apparently mis-]conception that they were more akin to mall security than they were actual cops. Sure, they could act threatening and carry a flashlight, but short of kicking you out of the parking lot after curfew on a school night, they had very little actual power. Guess I was wrong.

Afterwards I was temporarily ashamed of my hubris, but I charmed my way out of a ticket, so all is well that ends well, and now I can pass the knowledge on to you: park police are people, too.

::: posted by dan at 10:38 PM :: [ link ] :: (3) comments Social Bookmark Button


Return of the Impe

Our favorite crackpot evangelist Jack Van Impe and his merry robo-wife in cake make-up have returned to remind us how crazy they are. This time he seems to be advocating the bombing of movie theaters that dare to even think about showing the upcoming movie version of The DaVinci Code. His trademark eye-poppery and incessant bible verse quoting are back in full force:

Watch my favorite clip from the show. (6MB .wmv)

Even more disturbing than his rabid zealotry is when he refers to himself as a "woman pleaser". If that doesn't make you vomit a little into your mouth, I don't know what will.

I happen to believe that Jack Van Impe and his kind (e.g. Arthur Blessitt, Jerry Falwell, the authors of the Left Behind series, etc.) are amongst the lowest ranks of civilized humanity. But I don't advocate bombing them. That's just one of the ways in which I am not as crazy as they are.

[Thanks to Alan for the tip]

::: posted by dan at 1:19 PM :: [ link ] :: (8) comments Social Bookmark Button


Wednesday, June 15, 2005 :::


This article about lying is pretty interesting. Especially when it describes different lying studies they've conducted like this one, which I thought would be super fun to participate in:

... in 2002 [psychologist] Robert S. Feldman secretly videotaped students who were asked to talk with a stranger. He later had the students analyze their tapes and tally the number of lies they had told. A whopping 60 percent admitted to lying at least once during 10 minutes of conversation, and the group averaged 2.9 untruths in that time period. The transgressions ranged from intentional exaggeration to flat-out fibs. Interestingly, men and women lied with equal frequency; however, Feldman found that women were more likely to lie to make the stranger feel good, whereas men lied most often to make themselves look better. Read the whole article ...

Okay, so everybody lies (apparently a lot), but it seems particularly shameful to lie so often that you're not even aware that you're lying. You'd think that the more you were aware of it, that the less you would do it. So in the interest of self-improvement, I was trying to consciously remember the last time I lied, which turned out to be this morning when I told Wombat that I would leave K-mack a message that she called, when I knew full-well that I wouldn't get a chance before I left for work and I would be too lazy to write her a note. Reason for lying: sloth.

Other recent lies that I remember:

The Stanley Kubrick book I ordered cost $130, not $120. I routinely knock $10 off the purchase price of everything I buy. I don't know why.

Last night I told K-mack at 10pm that I was going to bed. But really I just surfed the web for another two hours. Then when I bumped into her in the hallway on the way to a late-night bathroom break, I pretended like I'd been upstairs the whole time fruitlessly trying to get to sleep. Don't really know why that lie was necessary. It's not like she fell for it or that it's a secret that I have an internet addiction.

The earliest lie I remember getting caught in:

When I was 8 or so my family visited my uncle, who made the nastiest looking split-pea soup for lunch, which I disrespectfully refused to eat. I still don't blame myself, cuz... yuk. So the punishment my mother doled out was no food for the rest of the day. Back at home that afternoon, I found a coupon for free Whopper Malted Milk Balls that I had clipped from a cereal box. I told my mom I was going outside to bike around, and she said "you better not be going to the store to buy something to eat," and I said "I'm not." Of course I did, and upon returning home I attempted to hide the candy in my room (Why didn't I just eat them before getting home? I dunno.). When I looked up from my secret hiding place (my bottom drawer) there was my mom, standing over me with the most shockingly disappointed face I've ever seen. She didn't say a whole word to me for the rest of the night. She just sat and watched The Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston on TV, which I'm sure she thought was oh so appropriate. I ended up just throwing away the malted milk balls out of pure shame.

I dare you to tell your most recent lie.

::: posted by dan at 12:53 PM :: [ link ] :: (20) comments Social Bookmark Button



This dude lives full-time as a baby named HeidiLynn to the point where he only eats baby food, he owns no grown-up clothing, and he has trained himself to be incontinent so as to necessitate diapers. Of course he also smokes, drinks beer, and practices Tae Kwan Do (I'd pay to see him in his diaper and frilly bonnet go all black-belt on some jackass). I'm all for alternative lifestyles, and I would say I was impressed by his commitment, but dang, the article's accompanying photographs just make it too darned hard to rationalize:

Read and see more...

Surprise, he used to be crack addict.

::: posted by dan at 12:43 PM :: [ link ] :: (8) comments Social Bookmark Button


Sunday, June 12, 2005 :::

Better late than never.

I plopped some new tunes into my jukebox on the right. There's some new stuff and some old stuff and some stuff that will probably make you think I must be deaf, but I don't care I like it all.

So take a listen ------->

::: posted by dan at 10:55 PM :: [ link ] :: (7) comments Social Bookmark Button


A Visit from Chez Lynne

Blogging buddy Chez Lynne visited the awesome attractions that are the Twin Cities this weekend. I got the opportunity to meet and hang out with her on Friday, as well as some other blogging buddies. She's a great gal. I hope I didn't embarrass myself too much. There were shots of something called Chocolate Cake, that were too nummy to pass up. Of course, I took pictures:

See all the pics!

We drank and ate tacos and played Blair Witch bocce ball and did some Irish jigs. Just one night was overwhelming enough for me, but apparently Lynne was a trooper and kept the party raging all weekend. In attendance on Friday were: me, K-mack*, b stacy b, hot babe, kiddo, mandy*, and tom*.

*indicates just regular old non-blogging type of people.

+ Stacy would be happy to know that the Blogger spell-check recognizes the word "boca", but not "bocce".

::: posted by dan at 10:41 PM :: [ link ] :: (30) comments Social Bookmark Button


Friday, June 10, 2005 :::


Fold or knit your very own yoda:

The Yodagami was apparently created by a famous oragamist (is that a word?) Mr. Fumiaki Kawahata san. The instructions for how to create your own are here (PDF), although it looks like it would require about ten times more patience than I am capable of having. Unfortunately, I have no pattern for the knitted yoda, but perhaps my blogging-buddies and knowledgable-knitters Biglug or Pimpsmax would be so kind as to make me one.

[FP + deviantART]

::: posted by dan at 5:09 PM :: [ link ] :: (7) comments Social Bookmark Button



I'm mildly afraid of robots, and this article about Japanese Prototype Robots ain't helping. One of them even seems to be able to... *gulp* ...swim:

Japanese Robot Prototypes

At my work there is a mail robot (that's mail robot, not male robot, which is normally a source of confusion when I tell this story in any non-typed format) that wheels itself around the office, stopping intermittently and making random unpredictable turns around blind corners. They call it Egor. It has, on more than a few occasions, either rammed into me or pinned me against a wall. And I don't think by accident. When it encounters unknown objects (like my foot or my bloodied arm), it doesn't re-route itself. Instead it stops with a loud thump and emits a sustained piercing beep, so as to announce to all surrounding cubes that it has made a fresh kill. That's when everyone pops their heads out of their offices to see who the latest victim is. I was afraid of robots before Egor. Now I can see that James Cameron makes a pretty convincing argument in The Terminator: robots are inherently evil.

If you happen to know B*, you should ask him to do his robot impression. It's astonishing.

::: posted by dan at 4:19 PM :: [ link ] :: (2) comments Social Bookmark Button


Thursday, June 09, 2005 :::

Mary Kate & ET Olson

Somebody online made this astute comparison about Mary Kate, or Ashley, or whatever, and then someone else emailed it to me (thanks Brandon). It seems so mean, yet oh so true:

I couldn't find the original creator of this to give them credit, but it's funny.

::: posted by dan at 10:31 PM :: [ link ] :: (8) comments Social Bookmark Button


Personal Grooming

I think this is one of the most disturbing and unlikely illustrations ever to appear on a mainstream media news site:

That lawnmower concept really makes me uneasy. But I guess it makes sense considering the fact that it accompanies an MSNBC news article dedicated to personal grooming (and written by the same guy who recently published this article about female genitalia enhancement).

Speaking of personal grooming, out of my three favorite personal stories that people have told me over the years, two of them involve pubical hair and personal trimming. So in no real particular order, here are three of my favoritest stories ever:

1. My friend Stacy finds a block of wood and a $100 bill in her freezer instead of the expected Hot Pocket.

2. A certain couple I know, who will remain nameless, have been dating for quite a few many years when they plan a romantic getaway. He mentions to her that she should prepare herself for a big surprise. She obviously assumes a wedding proposal is imminent. The big trip comes, her nerves are in a bundle as they get settled in their hotel room. Then the moment arrives; he shouts from the bathroom "You ready for the big surprise?" and walks out, buck naked, to reveal: he had shaved himself bare down there. Surprise! Not quite the jewels she was expecting.

3. My last favorite story also involves personal grooming, but I can't tell it because the involved parties would probably be mortified.

I probably have heard better stories than those. But my mind is just a clutter of random thoughts and non-sequitors. It's got no index.

::: posted by dan at 5:42 PM :: [ link ] :: (6) comments Social Bookmark Button


Wednesday, June 08, 2005 :::

My barfing history.

I barfed for the first time in seven years last night. I think it was something I ate. The embarrassing part is that it happened after I got home from a work party where everyone had seen me drinking beers like a fiend, and I stayed home from work today, so now everyone thinks I was too hung over to go into work. But trust me, I'm not that kind of guy, and they weren't beer barfs.

Like I said, I hadn't barfed prior to last night for seven years, and that barfing incident was blamed on bad Rocky Rococo pizza. Prior to that I hadn't barfed in nearly 10 years. And that was due to a bad home-cooked burger. The only time I ever barfed in front of someone else was Thanksgiving, 1984. And it was in front of the whole family. And it was lots.

Barfing is no fun, but thankfully I've had little experience with it. That's enough talk about barf.

::: posted by dan at 8:53 PM :: [ link ] :: (14) comments Social Bookmark Button


Monday, June 06, 2005 :::

Use Your Illusion

Neato Graffitto:

This pic was all over the web today so I figured I might as well post it here, too.

Also, check out this eye-trickery:

Click here and stare at the middle.

::: posted by dan at 11:26 PM :: [ link ] :: (16) comments Social Bookmark Button


Saturday, June 04, 2005 :::

Lindsay and Lily

The new Prairie Home Companion movie is shooting here in the Twin Cities in the next few weeks. We don't get too many big-named celebrities around these parts, so I get all buzzy-brained and starry-eyed when I think about the prospect of bumping into one of these people around town. Check out this list of uppercrusters who will be hanging out in my hometown this summer:

• Woody Harrelson
• Garrison Keillor
• Kevin Kline
• Lindsay Lohan
• Lyle Lovett
• John C. Reilly
• Maya Rudolph
• Meryl Streep
• Lily Tomlin

I've already got plans to stalk Lindsay Lohan while she's in town, just for the tabloid fodder and perhaps to witness the inevitable cocaine binging. And Meryl Streep and Maya Rudolph would also be fun to peep on, although for less tawdry reasons. But the real goal here, the absolute pinnacle of mind-blowing ecstasy for dan, would be meeting Lily Tomlin. Seriously. K-Mack will tell you that I have a slight obsession with her. So Lily, if you're out there, wear polyester or something equally washable while in Minneapolis, because if I bump into you on the street, I will throw up on you.

Last time I attempted to be on a movie set that was shooting in Minneapolis, it was 1991, the movie was called Untamed Heart, and it ended in disappointment. I came thisclose to making it on screen for a pivotal mall-shopping scene, but I guess my takes only made the cutting room floor. Which I guess is okay, since the movie was THE SUCK anyway. I did snap some pictures paparazzi-style of the production, though, so I've got some practice for when Lindsay and Lily get here. I'll find you, Lindsay and Lily. Mark my words.

Scenes from my one and only foray into Hollywood filmmaking:

::: posted by dan at 2:00 PM :: [ link ] :: (16) comments Social Bookmark Button


Friday, June 03, 2005 :::

Just one more senior pic.

I couldn't help posting just this one last celebrity school picture.

Guess who:


::: posted by dan at 11:11 AM :: [ link ] :: (12) comments Social Bookmark Button


A glorious event.

It's Stacy's birthday today. She is the big 3-0. I'm sure most of you don't know this about my friend Stacy, but she loves wizards and dragons and fairies and princess warriors. Why, I remember when we were in highschool and I would call her on the phone, nine times out of ten she would answer breathlessly and just say "Playing D-n-D, can't talk, battling dwarves," and then she'd hang up. Man, she loved her D-n-D.

Well, Happy Birthday Stacy. In honor of the occasion, I made you this photoshopped image to spur your imagination. May all your fantasies come true!

Oh, and don't think I didn't get you a real gift, too! I got a brand spanking new 12-sided die with your name on it!

::: posted by dan at 11:04 AM :: [ link ] :: (6) comments Social Bookmark Button


Trucker Bombs

My friend B Stacy B swears to me that her mailman husband was trained to pee in a bottle in the back of his mail jeep should the need to relieve himself arise whilst on his route. The concept was mostly disturbing because I can only wonder how much urine spittle must transfer to the envelopes that make it to my door.

Then today I saw this. Um, YUK.

I've never once peed in a bottle or jar. I can tell you that if I ever get into a situation where it's really that desperate, I'm just letting go in my pants. Same difference to me.

::: posted by dan at 12:36 AM :: [ link ] :: (11) comments Social Bookmark Button


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