tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37941892010-02-09T00:02:07.016-06:00A site for people who love dan.danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.comBlogger1538125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-86755030991187870352010-01-26T17:23:00.006-06:002010-01-26T17:47:12.077-06:00

I happened across this mindblowing item at Walgreens today:So let me see if I can figure this out: McDonalds makes a commercial that pokes fun of those horrible Big Mouth Billy Bass singing fish contraptions and the people who like them. It makes everyone laugh because it is so awful. Years later, and completely missing the irony, someone else licenses the concept to manufacture a new version of

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-29546710057155879732010-01-24T16:53:00.000-06:002010-01-25T16:58:57.885-06:00

Oh no! I shouldn't have hesitated! These are sold out!Man, they are totally in effect.Unfortunately, the following item is not actually for sale, because I know certain expecting someones who I'm sure would love this to compliment their nursery room decor:

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-75077958793012320062010-01-19T08:20:00.002-06:002010-01-19T11:46:38.547-06:00

I was on MTV's The Buried Life last night:It was almost two full seconds of airtime surrounded on both sides by some show about four guys traveling around the country in a bus trying to accomplish everything on Bucket List. So I guess that means I can cross "Appear on MTV" off my own Bucket List. If I even had a Bucket List. And if being on MTV were a part of it. Which it probably wouldn't be.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-29397896015993111942010-01-17T16:14:00.003-06:002010-01-17T16:36:19.331-06:00

A few months ago a lawyer emailed me and asked for my permission to use this image on some MTV show I'd never heard of before:It felt nice to get a non-threatening letter from a lawyer about my website, so without giving it much thought, I said "sure, go ahead." But then later it occurred to me that I probably should have gotten a few more details first. Even though I had already given my consent

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-54492900395935042102010-01-16T12:18:00.000-06:002010-01-17T17:47:03.078-06:00

When I first saw this video online a couple years ago I was simultaneously horrified and fascinated......until I realized that it was most likely fake, since infrared or thermographic flatulence would appear to be the same hue or color as the body, if not lighter, wouldn't it? Plus if it were real, the sheer volume was disturbing and that subject would surely have some major intestinal issues

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-76359300460510471482010-01-09T09:31:00.002-06:002010-01-09T09:54:33.606-06:00

Yeah, it's cold. It was nearly -20° outside when I woke up this morning, not including the windchill. It's also very snowy. Ever since the Christmas Day snowstorm, I've been continuously shoveling myself out.Shoveling is one of my least favorite jobs in the world, second only to mowing the lawn, so I try to make a grand show of it for all my neighbors. It's all a part of my secret plan. Every

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-91346090838780993322010-01-08T12:32:00.000-06:002010-01-08T16:51:12.016-06:00

My mom cut my hair until I was nearly 18, which means she has cut my hair for the majority of my life so far. From my curly blond baby locks all the way to the eventual and unfortunate side-spike/mullet combo. And not to knock my mom's haircutting ability in any way, but I kinda looked like a kid whose mom cut his hair.Of course, I thought nothing of it at the time. I went to a catholic school

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-1597572029144890662009-12-31T16:35:00.000-06:002010-01-01T16:43:52.558-06:00

I was watching Jeopardy today when I suddenly got curious about what might be the highest possible amount a contestant could win in one game, if they happened to answer every single question correctly, including all the Double and Final Jeopardies (assuming they always bet the maximum). So being the biggest nerd on the planet, I did some math:Jeopardy Round:Six Categories, six dollar amounts:

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-6677575413468994952009-12-25T12:31:00.001-06:002009-12-25T12:32:19.447-06:00

Merry Xmas Everyone!

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-47856423920338496572009-12-23T19:26:00.001-06:002009-12-24T17:16:47.700-06:00

I was at the gas station yesterday and I had just purchased my Powerball tickets. I was about to leave when I heard the customer at the cashier next to me say "Hey man, do you have that new Mario game for the Wii?" and the guy behind the counter said, "We don't sell video games here. It's a gas station."So I looked over and saw that the curious customer was a younger fella, maybe around the age

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-12398498025684229462009-12-21T21:22:00.000-06:002009-12-22T19:25:58.052-06:00

Man Performs Bum-Sniffing Assault on Workers at Co-OpI know I can space out a little sometimes, but how do you not notice someone sticking their face in your rear twenty times in a row? Wouldn't you start thinking, "How many bottom-shelf yogurts does that guy need?"

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-45078389395567236922009-12-17T19:00:00.000-06:002009-12-22T19:18:51.003-06:00

I know I am not a nice person because I can observe other people acting much more mature and making kind, empathetic decisions that I would never make in a similar situation. For example:We had our holiday work dinner party last night. Apparently I got a little overzealous during the dessert course and unbeknownst to me I had somehow managed to smear chocolate sauce across my forehead. When my

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-70482261915964070472009-12-08T18:28:00.004-06:002009-12-08T18:57:54.924-06:00

A few months ago I took a cab to an event where I knew parking would be an issue. It's kind of rare to take a cab in Minneapolis when you aren't drunk, in my limited experience. But it's better than circling the block for two hours.The foreign cabbie was was chatty. And absurdly vulgar. He began by insulting all the people on the street and talking about their flaws. They were apparently all

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-64517940370043679872009-12-07T18:14:00.002-06:002009-12-08T18:27:35.480-06:00

Note to self:* Brass Ring is a third-party career portral that large coporations use to outsource their employment and hiring websites.* Brass Rail is a stripper pole. It's also a gay strip club in downtown Minneapolis.Try not to interchange the two during important client meetings anymore. It makes for many strange looks. Especially when it comes out something like "I'll have to take a closer

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-24608366484178724692009-12-03T17:17:00.002-06:002009-12-03T17:19:17.142-06:00

I hope his specialty is sanitation and septic systems.I once knew a guy named Boody. No lie.Awesomest. Name. Ever.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-55729666457912051752009-12-02T17:08:00.000-06:002009-12-03T17:17:46.514-06:00

By the graciousness of a good friend, I was able to try out a Snuggie the other day. I do not see the point. It was more cumbersome than convenient, and even by her own admission, the owner wears it backwards and ties the sleeves around her neck otherwise they "just keep getting in the way." So she basically had to turn it into a robe-cape to make it effective.Look at me reading a book AND

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-14836042888153890042009-11-27T10:40:00.003-06:002009-11-27T10:51:05.213-06:00

Yay! Thanksgiving is over and we can now listen to Xmas Music guilt-free! And it's a good thing, because my annual xmas mix is pretty darned solid this year, even if the planetdan/polar bear hybrid image I made for the cover seems to be creeping people out instead of putting them in the yuletide mood:Tracklist: 01. Bring Out The Bells - Andy Williams02. Christmas Song - Cocoon03. Let It Snow - A

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-37813676008713655842009-11-24T07:32:00.000-06:002009-11-24T10:10:50.593-06:00

The World's Largest Gummy Bear. Only $30.Available at Vat19.DO NOT WANT. Although you get free shipping if you spend over $99, which means you only need to buy four of them - one in each color and an extra backup blue one!You can also get them on a stick, which seems very awkward and just a tad perverse.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-3920350894197190992009-11-20T07:18:00.000-06:002009-11-20T07:18:00.403-06:00

I'm not the only one who falls, trips, stumbles or just generally embarrasses himself on a regular basis. Even adults and professionals can look stupid:Soccer players do it.Gymnasts do it.Even people in the middle east do it.But this one might be my favorite: Nice save, buddy.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-21258818540300945522009-11-19T12:34:00.000-06:002009-11-19T16:10:44.485-06:00

I've been very busy at work lately, and combine that with the upcoming holidays and the BBOP stinking up the back of my closet(see below), I've been fairly distracted. Which is probably why I lost my Subway sandwich for a good 45 minutes today.I had used my lunch hour to pick up two ginormous armfuls of drycleaning and a low-fat Buffalo Chicken. I'm the kind of guy who needs to do everything in

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-36478307075067712692009-11-18T17:25:00.000-06:002009-11-19T15:32:58.427-06:00

And two years later, Jeopardy finally caught up to the Internet today:What was really strange was that Alex said the name of the category with a Russian accent, and the contestants followed suit. I never imagined that cat to have a Russian accent. I thought it would be more American Yokel. Maybe Cockney British. But never Russian.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-29777889337383944842009-11-16T12:59:00.001-06:002009-11-19T15:25:28.959-06:00

So I've gotten myself into a little dilemma RE: The Big Box of Porn (BBOP) I Found in My Garbage. It's just sitting in the back of my closet collecting dust and I've started to worry about the hopefully-unlikely event of my untimely death due to some unforeseen accident or terrorist attack. It's just begging to be discovered by some unsuspecting innocent relative as they battle through their

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-79627358172035005812009-11-05T21:30:00.003-06:002009-11-06T10:01:40.775-06:00

I went to toss out some garbage the other day, and sitting right on top of a week's worth of trash was this big box of old-school pornography videos:I immediately assumed that the old coot across the alley was using my trash bin to get rid of his pornography stash without tipping off his old lady. Or maybe someone else in the neighborhood was finally making the upgrade to DVD. Regardless, I had

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-43094634297485130602009-11-04T20:06:00.006-06:002009-11-04T21:27:58.732-06:00

So I voted yesterday, of course. We got a new voting method in Minneapolis which lets you rank your top three preferences for each position in order of preference. Which is a good thing, because our choices for Mayor this year were too interesting to be able to pick just one:Guess who my third choice was?VOTE LOMBARD, 2009!This isn't the first time I've posted a picture of our voting ballot. We

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-10060481835985082112009-11-01T15:32:00.007-06:002009-11-01T18:04:29.576-06:00

My house tried to kill me today.I'm not a handyman. Nor am I a good homeowner. I don't know what I'm doing, I have no idea how to work tools or fix faucets, and I'm awkward and clumsy to boot. Somehow I manage to keep the place together and just short of ramshackle, but it's a constant battle. Especially when it comes to the Fall yardwork.Today was gutter cleaning day.I've neglected this task for

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com6