tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37941892010-03-06T11:35:21.800-06:00A site for people who love dan.danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.comBlogger1546125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-2481119715565122142010-02-15T23:59:00.002-06:002010-02-16T11:59:43.988-06:00

I'll probably never quit my blog, because I'm selfish and attention-starved and I crave validation. Also, I have a bad memory lately so I need to have a place to write everything down and I'm too exhibitionistic to do it in a private journal. But sadly, I have to go on a brief blogging Hiatus because Blogger has decided it will no longer support FTP.This means I will no longer be able to post,

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-1940150103950408882010-02-15T23:25:00.002-06:002010-02-16T12:07:40.097-06:00

My friends and I like to have the occassional game night, so I have a linen closet full of party games and board games and a random puzzle or two. This closet is located directly next to my bathroom, and for the last month or so one of the games has been randomly buzzing an alarm and I can't figure out which one.Generally, I'll hear it while I'm sitting on the toilet (sorry to make you picture

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-67123004620675691132010-02-15T23:11:00.004-06:002010-02-16T11:56:42.003-06:00

I've neglected Animated Friday for far too many weekends now, so I'm clearing out the inventory in one ginormous posting focused around the two best animated GIF subjects on the planet: crazy animals and stupid people that teach you life lessons. You're welcome.1. _blank">Baby monkeys are mean.2. _blank">Humans are mentally challenged.3. _blank">Whales are cruel bitches.4. _blank">Babies are

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-45870027052532838902010-02-15T22:57:00.001-06:002010-02-16T11:51:53.525-06:00

Can you guess what these super magnified photos are revealing?Hint: I have a lot of both of them and they both do the same thing.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-27649125899898269462010-02-15T22:55:00.002-06:002010-02-16T11:51:39.141-06:00

I saw this picture of the old Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory children online the other day and it shocked me, as it always does, even though I've seen it a million times in the past and I've even posted about it before. Especially Charlie's porn star moustache and Augustus Gloop's Brian Peppers eyes:But it inspired me to do a little research into these former child-stars' current day

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-61437568402781250742010-02-15T22:50:00.001-06:002010-02-16T11:51:27.926-06:00

I found this online, but I think it will prove to be a very helpful reference for some people. I'm talking to you, J-Ballz.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-67557852645360334142010-02-15T22:40:00.003-06:002010-02-16T11:51:00.304-06:00

People are awesome.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-1224950095614367752010-02-15T22:24:00.001-06:002010-02-16T11:50:38.859-06:00

I got mine back in the 30's when they were still cool. You new-Snuggy losers are fools.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-86755030991187870352010-01-26T17:23:00.006-06:002010-01-26T17:47:12.077-06:00

I happened across this mindblowing item at Walgreens today:So let me see if I can figure this out: McDonalds makes a commercial that pokes fun of those horrible Big Mouth Billy Bass singing fish contraptions and the people who like them. It makes everyone laugh because it is so awful. Years later, and completely missing the irony, someone else licenses the concept to manufacture a new version of

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-29546710057155879732010-01-24T16:53:00.000-06:002010-01-25T16:58:57.885-06:00

Oh no! I shouldn't have hesitated! These are sold out!Man, they are totally in effect.Unfortunately, the following item is not actually for sale, because I know certain expecting someones who I'm sure would love this to compliment their nursery room decor:

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-75077958793012320062010-01-19T08:20:00.002-06:002010-01-19T11:46:38.547-06:00

I was on MTV's The Buried Life last night:It was almost two full seconds of airtime surrounded on both sides by some show about four guys traveling around the country in a bus trying to accomplish everything on Bucket List. So I guess that means I can cross "Appear on MTV" off my own Bucket List. If I even had a Bucket List. And if being on MTV were a part of it. Which it probably wouldn't be.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-29397896015993111942010-01-17T16:14:00.003-06:002010-01-17T16:36:19.331-06:00

A few months ago a lawyer emailed me and asked for my permission to use this image on some MTV show I'd never heard of before:It felt nice to get a non-threatening letter from a lawyer about my website, so without giving it much thought, I said "sure, go ahead." But then later it occurred to me that I probably should have gotten a few more details first. Even though I had already given my consent

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-54492900395935042102010-01-16T12:18:00.000-06:002010-01-17T17:47:03.078-06:00

When I first saw this video online a couple years ago I was simultaneously horrified and fascinated......until I realized that it was most likely fake, since infrared or thermographic flatulence would appear to be the same hue or color as the body, if not lighter, wouldn't it? Plus if it were real, the sheer volume was disturbing and that subject would surely have some major intestinal issues

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-76359300460510471482010-01-09T09:31:00.002-06:002010-01-09T09:54:33.606-06:00

Yeah, it's cold. It was nearly -20° outside when I woke up this morning, not including the windchill. It's also very snowy. Ever since the Christmas Day snowstorm, I've been continuously shoveling myself out.Shoveling is one of my least favorite jobs in the world, second only to mowing the lawn, so I try to make a grand show of it for all my neighbors. It's all a part of my secret plan. Every

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-91346090838780993322010-01-08T12:32:00.000-06:002010-01-08T16:51:12.016-06:00

My mom cut my hair until I was nearly 18, which means she has cut my hair for the majority of my life so far. From my curly blond baby locks all the way to the eventual and unfortunate side-spike/mullet combo. And not to knock my mom's haircutting ability in any way, but I kinda looked like a kid whose mom cut his hair.Of course, I thought nothing of it at the time. I went to a catholic school

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-1597572029144890662009-12-31T16:35:00.000-06:002010-01-01T16:43:52.558-06:00

I was watching Jeopardy today when I suddenly got curious about what might be the highest possible amount a contestant could win in one game, if they happened to answer every single question correctly, including all the Double and Final Jeopardies (assuming they always bet the maximum). So being the biggest nerd on the planet, I did some math:Jeopardy Round:Six Categories, six dollar amounts:

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-6677575413468994952009-12-25T12:31:00.001-06:002009-12-25T12:32:19.447-06:00

Merry Xmas Everyone!

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-47856423920338496572009-12-23T19:26:00.001-06:002009-12-24T17:16:47.700-06:00

I was at the gas station yesterday and I had just purchased my Powerball tickets. I was about to leave when I heard the customer at the cashier next to me say "Hey man, do you have that new Mario game for the Wii?" and the guy behind the counter said, "We don't sell video games here. It's a gas station."So I looked over and saw that the curious customer was a younger fella, maybe around the age

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-12398498025684229462009-12-21T21:22:00.000-06:002009-12-22T19:25:58.052-06:00

Man Performs Bum-Sniffing Assault on Workers at Co-OpI know I can space out a little sometimes, but how do you not notice someone sticking their face in your rear twenty times in a row? Wouldn't you start thinking, "How many bottom-shelf yogurts does that guy need?"

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-45078389395567236922009-12-17T19:00:00.000-06:002009-12-22T19:18:51.003-06:00

I know I am not a nice person because I can observe other people acting much more mature and making kind, empathetic decisions that I would never make in a similar situation. For example:We had our holiday work dinner party last night. Apparently I got a little overzealous during the dessert course and unbeknownst to me I had somehow managed to smear chocolate sauce across my forehead. When my

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-70482261915964070472009-12-08T18:28:00.004-06:002009-12-08T18:57:54.924-06:00

A few months ago I took a cab to an event where I knew parking would be an issue. It's kind of rare to take a cab in Minneapolis when you aren't drunk, in my limited experience. But it's better than circling the block for two hours.The foreign cabbie was was chatty. And absurdly vulgar. He began by insulting all the people on the street and talking about their flaws. They were apparently all

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-64517940370043679872009-12-07T18:14:00.002-06:002009-12-08T18:27:35.480-06:00

Note to self:* Brass Ring is a third-party career portral that large coporations use to outsource their employment and hiring websites.* Brass Rail is a stripper pole. It's also a gay strip club in downtown Minneapolis.Try not to interchange the two during important client meetings anymore. It makes for many strange looks. Especially when it comes out something like "I'll have to take a closer

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-24608366484178724692009-12-03T17:17:00.002-06:002009-12-03T17:19:17.142-06:00

I hope his specialty is sanitation and septic systems.I once knew a guy named Boody. No lie.Awesomest. Name. Ever.

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-55729666457912051752009-12-02T17:08:00.000-06:002009-12-03T17:17:46.514-06:00

By the graciousness of a good friend, I was able to try out a Snuggie the other day. I do not see the point. It was more cumbersome than convenient, and even by her own admission, the owner wears it backwards and ties the sleeves around her neck otherwise they "just keep getting in the way." So she basically had to turn it into a robe-cape to make it effective.Look at me reading a book AND

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3794189.post-14836042888153890042009-11-27T10:40:00.003-06:002009-11-27T10:51:05.213-06:00

Yay! Thanksgiving is over and we can now listen to Xmas Music guilt-free! And it's a good thing, because my annual xmas mix is pretty darned solid this year, even if the planetdan/polar bear hybrid image I made for the cover seems to be creeping people out instead of putting them in the yuletide mood:Tracklist: 01. Bring Out The Bells - Andy Williams02. Christmas Song - Cocoon03. Let It Snow - A

danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01478337564003479640noreply@blogger.com9