Wednesday, October 31, 2007 :::
I tried to carve my own likeness into a pumpkin, but it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. And frankly, I prefer messing around with my face in Photoshop:
Yeah, I know, it doesn't really look like me, but if you think you can do better, then here is the Official Planetdan Pumpkin Carving Template.
I suppose in the end the results are successful enough since pumpkindan looks creepy as hell.
::: posted by dan at 8:32 AM :: [ link ] :: (8) comments
Tuesday, October 30, 2007 :::
I think the new Target by my house is still getting their employees up to speed, because some of them aren't so bright. I was at the checkout last Saturday night when it suddenly occurred to me that the Daylight Savings time-change weekend must be approaching. So I asked the cashier:
Me: Hey, do you know if Daylight Savings is this weekend?
Target Cashier: I don't think we have those kinds of savings.
Me: [confused silence, followed by] What kind of savings?
Target Cashier: Daylight savings.
It was suddenly clear to me that she was confusing Daylight Savings with some type of Kmart-style Bluelight savings event, so I tried to clarify:
Me: No, I mean Daylight Savings, like, turn-back-the-clock Daylight Savings.
Target Cashier: I don't think we have that, but you can ask the Service Counter. They have all of our print ads.
At that point I just gave up, but I did seriously consider taking her advice to visit the Service Counter and inform them that one of their employees would most certainly be an hour early to work next weekend.
::: posted by dan at 10:38 PM :: [ link ] :: (10) comments
I've been back from Rome for over a week now, but I finally got a chance to put up a small photo gallery. I went with a group of more than twenty, so rather than get all of their permissions to put their pictures online, I just decided to put up pictures of myself and my surroundings, sans travel companions. So even though it might look like a sad and lonely trip, it was actually quite jam-packed with more than a few lovely individuals.
You can click on the image above to actually view the gallery. I'm also too lazy to write descriptions, so if you want to know what something is, just let me know.
::: posted by dan at 7:15 AM :: [ link ] :: (11) comments
Monday, October 29, 2007 :::
"Gulps bone" is not a phrase you would find referring to a politician's wife in a modern day newspaper. Now, if it were referring to a politician's intern, that would be another story altogether, but still I think this older article harks back to a MUCH simpler time. When Republicans still gulped bones.
::: posted by dan at 10:59 PM :: [ link ] :: (1) comments
I was way too busy last Friday, and so this is three days late and quite a few dollars short, but whatever:
::: posted by dan at 4:56 PM :: [ link ] :: (5) comments
Wednesday, October 24, 2007 :::
Apparently the ladies are getting tired of the same old Sexy Cop, Sexy Nurse, and Sexy Stewardess costumes of yesteryear, because I came across this perplexing option on the Internet today:
Sexy Freddy Krueger? I'm not sure I fully understand the trend, but I thought I'd get a jump on next year anyway and create a few more options for the ladies to choose from, seeing as how sexy never seems to go out of style:
::: posted by dan at 6:41 PM :: [ link ] :: (13) comments
Tuesday, October 23, 2007 :::
Oh dear. No comment.
::: posted by dan at 6:37 PM :: [ link ] :: (5) comments
Saturday, October 20, 2007 :::
Apparently the Rome Film Festival was this weekend, and rumor has it that a multitude of celebrities the likes of George Clooney and Tom Cruise were in town. I didn't see either of them, but I did have a few random sightings, such as:
That Pope Guy:
Oops, never mind, that last one was my friend Ricardo. Sometimes I have a hard time telling them apart. It was kind of fun sitting at the fancy hotel bar where all the celebrities were staying in town, even if it was twenty euros per drink, because when we left there were a whole bunch of paparazzi fans waiting outside snapping their flashes. I'm not sure who they were waiting for, and I'm sure the sight of me certainly wasn't it, but I pretended to be a superstar nonetheless.
::: posted by dan at 1:57 PM :: [ link ] :: (3) comments
Tuesday, October 16, 2007 :::
Today I survived The Last Judgement, in a suit no less.
I just couldn't reach, goddammit.
::: posted by dan at 5:15 PM :: [ link ] :: (10) comments
I figured all the plain old static photos would get boring, so here's an action shot of me throwing a coin into the Trevi Fountain. You like?
And here's me taking advantage of a little unexpected unaccompanied time in the Restoration Labs at the Vatican Museums:
::: posted by dan at 8:12 AM :: [ link ] :: (10) comments
Monday, October 15, 2007 :::
Dan at the pope's private gardens,Castel Gandolfo:
I own Rome.
::: posted by dan at 12:55 PM :: [ link ] :: (6) comments
Sunday, October 14, 2007 :::
Like brothers. Too bad I didn't bring my horse, otherwise you'd be able to see the resemblance.
I've been wearing the same underwear for two days because the airline lost one of my suitcases. I've also been shaving with what is basically a rusty razor blade and soap. But I still look good!
::: posted by dan at 12:33 PM :: [ link ] :: (7) comments
Saturday, October 13, 2007 :::
I'm in Rome. Well, actually today I was in Pittigliano where this picture was taken, but right now I'm in Rome.
Did you know that in Rome the prosititutes hang out on the side of the freeway? For serious. It's dangerous work.
::: posted by dan at 2:32 PM :: [ link ] :: (7) comments
Friday, October 12, 2007 :::
I don't have much time right now, but here's some fun anyway:
::: posted by dan at 8:20 AM :: [ link ] :: (6) comments
Thursday, October 11, 2007 :::
A new Target store opened right by my house. It's grand opening this week has been one of the most anticipated moments of my recent past. Today I went there for the first time to get the battery in my watch replaced, but when I got there the conversation went like this:
Me at the jewelry counter: Can you replace my watch battery?
Jewelry counter employee: We can only replace batteries on watches purchased at Target.
Employee: For liability reasons.
Me: Okay, then can you open up the watch and just sell me the battery I need?
Employee: You'd have to open it yourself. For liability reasons.
Me: Okay, can you lend me a tool to open it?
Employee: No, we can't do that for...
Me: ...liability reasons, yeah I get it. So how do you propose I get it open then?
Employee: All you need is a razor blade or a needle to pop it open...
So I started looking around the store for razor blades and needles without much success when I happened across the Halloween candy aisle, so I thought it was as good a time as any to stock up. I was trying to balance three pillow-sized bags of candy in my arms when I noticed a Target employee walking by, so I shouted to get her attention:
"Hey, can you tell me where you keep the needles and razor blades?"
She stood silent, looked down at the ginormous bags of Halloween candy in my arms, and stammered:
"Um, I don't think we have those..."
At this point, I didn't realize that she was imagining me to be some Halloween-candy-contaminating psychopath. I just figured she was being lazy, so I got all huffy, adjusted the bags of candy in my arms, and said:
"So you don't have any razor blades OR needles in this entire store?"
She blinked. "Well..."
"Forget it!" I grumbled passive-aggressively, and stormed off down the aisle. It wasn't until I was at the check-out counter that I suddenly understood her apprehension. I'm kinda dim-witted sometimes. I never did get that damn watch open, either.
By the way, did you know that those needles-in-Halloween-candy stories are true? I always thought that was an urban legend, but it has happened at least once in my own little Hamlet of Minneapolis.
::: posted by dan at 12:43 PM :: [ link ] :: (9) comments
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 :::
Reminder: Halloween is only three weeks away.
Advice: Make your own costume this year. Star Wars always brings out the best in people. Mix in a little cardboard, and you got the kind of Halloween that dreams are made of.
The Death Star:
A+++++ for effort. But for real, I shouldn't be mocking handmade costumes of any caliber. I don't think I've been invited to any parties this year, so I won't have to get dressed up, which is probably a good thing.
::: posted by dan at 7:35 AM :: [ link ] :: (13) comments
Saturday, October 06, 2007 :::
I'm so proud of myself. This old dog finally learned out to reverse-engineer a Flash movie to edit it. I'm a total elite hacker! My first inclination was to use this new power to insert my own likeness (of course) into the Falling George Bush Screensaver, but making my own body parts connect in realistic ways proved to be difficult so I was forced to go with the templates available to me, and since I don't really look right in a power suit or a bikini, I had to give up. Instead I went with Hillary Clinton, because she can look good (and by "good" I mean "appropriate") in both.
So now I deliver unto you:
The Falling Hillary Clinton Screensaver
I put her in a nice gray pantsuit with matching pumps. I think she really looks sharp.
- AND -
The Falling Hillary Clinton in a Bikini Screensaver
I think I prefer the bikini version, because she was still sassy enough to keep the pumps.
Who should I defile next? And remember, they have to look good in either a suit or a bikini.
::: posted by dan at 1:52 PM :: [ link ] :: (19) comments
Friday, October 05, 2007 :::
Both sides of the coin:
Not So Lucky Guy
Although, I don't think the masochist in the second one really needed to lean into it so much. I think he secretly has a testicle pain fetish.
ps. Don't ever google "testicle pain fetish".
::: posted by dan at 12:17 PM :: [ link ] :: (3) comments
I found this letter written to my brother, circa 1982, from one of his best friends. I was surprised to see that it mentions me right out of the gate, and his response is scathing! That's what you get when you try to badmouth dan, bro! The moral smackdown! Booyah!
Of course my brother and his friend were just 11 at the time, and I was just an innocent young thing barely 7 years old, but that goody-two-shoes dude had my back!
::: posted by dan at 12:05 PM :: [ link ] :: (2) comments
This made me laugh out loud, at poor Tanya's expense:
I don't know where this is from, but it's got a definite Vice Magazine Do's and Don'ts vibe to it...
I shouldn't laugh, though. I don't have the best fashion record myself, and I'm sure there is photographic evidence of it out there somewhere. I've destroyed as many pictures as I could of my mullet phase, but you can never be too sure.
::: posted by dan at 11:57 AM :: [ link ] :: (3) comments
Tuesday, October 02, 2007 :::
I recently received a link (thanks, Courtney!) to a striking video featuring the blond-banged vixen Heidi Wilson (a.k.a. The Huntress) who the promotes the eating of homemade squirrel melts:
[watch the video]
She's even kind enough to provide a recipe, which as far as I can tell seems to be something akin to: "Kill it, skin it, an' eat it."
Here, I'll break it down for you:
Oops, I forgot about the step where you add mayo.
I think my favorite part is where she suggests that you bring this homemade treat to your next tailgating party. What a hit you'd be! ... at the trashiest tailgating party ever.
I obviously can't condone eating what is basically a rat sandwich, but one good thing did come out of this video:
...it inspired/empowered me to create this.
::: posted by dan at 12:15 PM :: [ link ] :: (20) comments
my atom/rss feed
Final Destination: Death by Homeownership
Animated Friday (Pets: A Two Parter Edition)!
All Swine Flu-ed Out
Animated Friday (Pets: A Two Parter Edition)!
Stoked & Juked
Back to Normal
beware of the blog
b stacy b
trek geek scott
and far away
the big lug
girls are pretty
more cow bell
world of wonder