planetdan

Wednesday, December 31, 2003 :::

Magerly Lame
B-dub told me about a story he'd seen on Kare 11 about the top 10 most memorable local news stories of 2003. #1? The departure of Paul Magers, beloved lead anchor of Kare 11. Booo. I remember them TRYING to make it a big news story, but I don't remember it actually ever becoming one. I think maybe that poll was rigged just a little bit. We've been hornswoggled (that's one of my new favorite words).

Anyway, here is Kare 11's full list, but it only really serves to make Minnesota look like the opposite of newsworthy.

::: posted by dan at 4:16 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

I hate St. Elmo's Fire.
Both the song and the movie.

::: posted by dan at 4:04 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

I hate how boring the ghetto has become.

It's why they're bank robbers and not rocket scientists
Associated Press

SALT LAKE CITY -- When robbing a bank, it may not be the smartest move to write the holdup note on a personal check. Police say that's what led them to arrest two people in Utah. Witnesses told police a man and a woman walked into a Salt Lake City bank and handed a teller a note saying they had a gun and wanted money. The note was scrawled on the back of a personal check.

The robbers left the bank with $1,300. Witnesses wrote down the license plate number of the getaway car. Police say the name on the registration matched the name on the personal check used for the holdup note.

After they were arrested, the suspects allegedly told police they wanted the money to pay a drug debt and buy clothes and cellphones [what a surprise - dan.].

::: posted by dan at 3:54 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Fan Fiction.
I think the idea of fan fiction is funny, so I Googled it and got some interesting results. But I was horrified to see that my beloved Gilmore Girls is a regular target for Fan Fiction hacks, and there are even creepy subsets out there, like Bookends, a "Rory and Jess Fan Fiction Archive." Oh well, I still have no reason to be ashamed. But I did take a peek at the GilmoreGirls.org site and saw this funny exchange in the "Shout Outs" section which made me question the median age of Gilmore Girls fans. I would think an 8 year old wouldn't understand half of what they were seeing or hearing on that show, or perhaps it's just me who is mentally underdeveloped, kk?

Kimmi:
do you know what is disturbing, i heard my parents, have sex last night:(
(December 31st, 2003 - 08:57 am PST)

thea:
Kimmie, we dont wanna here 'bout ur parents having sex alright? 'Cause thats even WORSE than fighting on a fan site kk? O yeah, its also disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(December 31st, 2003 - 09:15 am PST)

Capri:
Haha! Kimmi, that's so funny! Poor you! What did you do?? I would have freaked out.
(December 31st, 2003 - 09:51 am PST)

thea:
i feel sorry 4 u kimmie cuz i kno that if i heard my mom and dad having u kno wat ide freak but i wuddnt say anything 2 my parents i wud just keep it 2 myself but i cud tell my friends!!!! but DONT i mean DONT tell ur parents that u heard lastnite kk? but that wud NEVERhappen w/ my mom and dad becuz they're devorsed
(December 31st, 2003 - 10:04 am PST)

Kimmi:
Why shouldn't i tell them, i feel like telling them, but i don't, explain to me why i shouldn't, it would probably be awkward and yes i was freaking out, i had to go to the bathroom, but i couldn't because i would have to pass their bedroom, and their door is opened, so ew...it's so weird, and also the movie Bad Santa, i saw it, it is a little disturbing also seeing Lauren (thinkingof her as Lorelai) and seeing her laying in a bed, saying"f**k me, Santa, f**k me," ew
(December 31st, 2003 - 11:40 am PST)

tei tei:
hey guys can we not talk about this? thea is my sister, and i just told her not to write anything more on this topic, because she is only 8, so can we just talk about something else?
(December 31st, 2003 - 12:15 pm PST)

Oh, and they're finally releasing the series on DVD. Yay!

::: posted by dan at 2:36 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

A Bitch Called Susan
I know this is juvenile, but I laughed at its phrasing anyway. It's from a CNN story about how Queen Anne's bull terriers have been all batty as of late:

The queen has bred corgis -- a short-legged Welsh farm dog with a fox-like face -- since being given a bitch called Susan for her 18th birthday.

::: posted by dan at 9:14 AM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 :::

Some new pics.
There are new pics of a couple xmas parties in my pics section: my mama's on christmas morning, and Robbin and Laura's second annual christmas bash a little earlier in the month. The pics of Robbin and Laura's party are mostly of the dog, but I swear I wasn't being anti-social. I was just really tired that night.

::: posted by dan at 6:06 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

I'm bored and I have a scanner.
Our waitress' name at the Carbone's today was named Chantaphone, and I have the receipt to prove it.

::: posted by dan at 5:27 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 :::

Wax Madness Update
I added a bunch more hideous wax sculptures to the Wax Madness section, just because I think they are funny. So go look at them if you want.

::: posted by dan at 10:59 AM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Monday, December 22, 2003 :::

Anyone can be an artist!
Check out this online toy, where you can make a quick doodle or draw a pretty picture on the screen and it transforms it into a cool looking sketch, as if you were one of those hip pen and ink artists with a dilapidated sticker-laden sketchbook in a coffee-shop.

It's pretty cool. Some would even make good framed prints. Seriously, try it out yourself. It only takes a second.

::: posted by dan at 3:21 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Christmas Bonus Extremes

I wish I was a shoemaker (for this reason):
Shoe plant workers get up to $20,000 bonuses.

I'm glad I'm not a hourly automotive supply worker (for many reasons):
You call this a bonus?

::: posted by dan at 11:09 AM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Thursday, December 18, 2003 :::

I propose an Arby's boycott.
Neal Justin of the Minneapolis Star Tribune (home town pride) has declared the Arby's Oven Mit as one of the most annoying people of 2003, declaring that "the new Arby's commercials feature the most annoying non-human mascot since Subway created Jared." He also included Sharon Osbourne and The Cat in the Hat on his list. I would have to agree, and I'd also like to add Jimmy Fallon to the list, because he is perennially unfunny. And Steven Cojocaru from Entertainment Tonight.

His full list is here. Anyone want to add their own?

::: posted by dan at 10:33 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Dude actually ran off and joined a circus.
Surreal yet uplifting. Hollywood don't write 'em this good. If Steven Spielberg and David Lynch had a baby together, that baby could direct a movie version. I can already see the trailer. It could be called Niagra Fell. Or Niagredemption. Or Without A Net (ooo, I like that one because it ties in the circus theme).

A Michigan man who survived an unprotected plunge over Niagara Falls was fined $2,260 Thursday and ordered to stay out of Niagara Park for a year. The former auto parts salesman said that he was depressed when he climbed down a small embankment and jumped into the Niagara River... he remains the only known person to have survived the trip without a barrel, life jacket or other device... Jones said his depression is now over... "All my problems were left at the bottom of that gorge," Kirk Jones, 41, said Thursday during a return visit to Canada.

Jones has since joined a circus in Texas.

::: posted by dan at 10:11 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

What the internet has done to the action figure world.
Do people actually buy this stuff? Are people that desperate to decorate their cubicles? Dead Uday may strike an interesting conversation, I guess.

::: posted by dan at 3:56 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Saturday, December 13, 2003 :::

Me and Rufie.
I went to the Rufus Wainwright concert last week and after the show I got to meet the man himself. I had him sign my concert ticket. Then I akwardly turned a handshake into a hug and the rest is history. Anyway, here's the ticket:

Some girl I don't know took a picture of me and Rufus and promised she'd mail it to me, but I haven't seen that letter yet. Hmmm. I'll keep you posted if it turns up.

::: posted by dan at 3:43 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Dan Likes Music.
Want to know his top 7 CDs of 2003? Sure you do!

Tied for first place:
1. The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow
1. Rufus Wainwright - Want One
1. Radiohead - Hail to the Thief

The rest:
3. Cat Power - You Are Free
4. Super Furry Animals - Phantom Power
5. Blur - Think Tank
6. The Decemberists - Her Majesty
7. The Postal Service - Give Up

::: posted by dan at 3:31 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Thursday, December 11, 2003 :::

Bad Doggie.
I told B-dub about this story a couple months ago and he didn't really believe me, but I finally found proof online.

"He went to sleep with 10 fingers, woke up with six.''

She says her son failed to wash his hands after dinner Sunday, and the pet named Chauka licked his hands before they went to bed. The dog was taken by local animal-control officers to be euthanized, and police say the boy's fingers were found in its stomach.

Read the whole story.

::: posted by dan at 4:13 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Wednesday, December 10, 2003 :::

Paris Hilton: Queen of Search Engines
Wordtracker.com tracks the top 50 search terms typed into various search engines across the web and updates the list daily. Paris Hilton takes up three spots in the top 50 today, but there are some other fun search terms that are popular out there, too. My favorite is probably "literotica", for all those people who are too snooty to search for plain ol' porn.

But you should check out the list regularly to see what the current hot topics are cuz its fun.

::: posted by dan at 9:36 AM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Friday, December 05, 2003 :::

You've got to be kidding.

Reagan's face proposed to replace FDR's on dimes

::: posted by dan at 1:11 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Rufus Rawks
I'm going to the Rufus Wainwright concert by myself on Sunday night. Anyone who wants to improve their taste in music should consider getting themselves a ticket. Ahem - everyone I know should consider getting themselves a ticket.

::: posted by dan at 10:22 AM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Dang, girlfriend really likes her mayo.
From Wired:

Mayonnaise Maniac
Texas jurors showed no charity for a McDonald's drive-through customer who became enraged when she was denied mayonnaise on her cheeseburger and ran over the restaurant's manager, dragging her across the parking lot and breaking her pelvis. It took the jury less than an hour to convict Waynetta Nolan, 37, of aggravated assault, a felony punishable by two to 20 years in prison. Prosecutors attributed the harsh conviction to Nolan's spectacular departure. After throwing a cheeseburger back through the takeout window, a belligerent Nolan refused to be pacified by a special-order burger with mayo, and complained that her fries had grown cold. Even after getting fresh fries, she demanded a new drink, then hit the gas and mowed down the unsuspecting manager. Guess she should've gone to Burger King, where she could have it her way.

::: posted by dan at 10:16 AM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Thursday, December 04, 2003 :::

Heads up! This affects YOU!
So I have added the ability for you to comment on my blog posts. See that 'comments' link right below this (and every) post? Simply click on the link to add your own comment, read the comments of others, and generally let me know you were here. Feel free to tell me how utterly amazing I am or that you concur with my infallible opinions.

You can add individual comments to each and every post, if you are really that opinionated. But keep in mind I have the ability to delete any comment I want, so don't be a bitch.

Oh, and you are not required to enter an email address or website to the comment form, but I would appreciate at least a name so that I can identify who you are.

::: posted by dan at 4:55 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

I told you fish are gross.
My friend Jeannie D. sent this to me:

Fish farting may not just be hot air - NewScientist.com news service
Biologists have linked a mysterious, underwater farting sound to bubbles coming out of a herring's anus. No fish had been known to emit sound from its anus nor to be capable of producing such a high-pitched noise. "It sounds just like a high-pitched raspberry."

You can read the whole article if you like toilet humor that much.

::: posted by dan at 4:21 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

I'm changing my name to Dan Ecplecticos.
From Star Tribune:

A fossil of a small sea creature extracted from a 425-million-year-old British rock formation is the oldest unequivocally male fossil known, researchers say... Details revealed include gills, eyes, limbs designed for swimming and the oldest known male organ in the fossil record. It was this last that led researchers to name the new species, Colymbosathon ecplecticos, which is Greek for "amazing swimmer with large penis.''

::: posted by dan at 2:52 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Monday, December 01, 2003 :::

Penny Pinching Profitable
It only took 40 years, and now he can afford half of a car. Before taxes. From Star Tribune:

REEDSVILLE, Pa. -- After four decades of pinching pennies, a Mifflin County man decided that it was time to cash in his collection - over a million coins. It took several months of bank visits to bring in 37 buckets of pennies to be cashed but, by the end, Lynn Wagner ended up with $10,060.

::: posted by dan at 2:02 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

The opposite of forward-thinking.
The Bush Adminstration is lame. Part of the new tax cut package they passed allows huge tax breaks for buying gas-guzzling/environmentally-destructive SUVs. So rich people are now rewarded for killing the environment with unneccesarily large monstrosities that keep us even more dependent on foreign oil. Do people who can afford a $38,000 truck even need a tax break?

Taking the advice of her accountant, Carolyn Hodgson found a way to reduce her federal taxes this year: She spent $38,117 on a sport-utility vehicle. After deducting the cost of the 2002 GMC Yukon Denali from her 2003 income, Hodgson figures she'll end up saving about $14,000... The incentive, part of President Bush's economic stimulus package approved by Congress earlier this year, is gaining attention from car dealers and accountants across the country... For years, business owners have been able to use vehicle purchases as tax write-offs for equipment, but now the rules have changed dramatically... In a move intended to encourage businesses to invest in new equipment, Congress is allowing a full deduction of as much as $100,000 for business equipment. For those who buy smaller vehicles, the tax benefit is much less attractive. The maximum deduction businesses can take this year for a new car weighing less than 6,000 pounds is $10,710. And while the deduction for large vehicles can be taken in a single year, the deduction for smaller cars must be spread out over five years.

::: posted by dan at 1:46 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Foot in Mouth Awards
Awarded by the Plain English Campaign in London annually:

The 2003 winner is United States Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for comments in a press briefing: 'Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don't know we don't know.'

And here are a few previous winners:

2002: Actor Richard Gere who said: 'I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe and somebody said I was a snake, I'd think 'No, actually I am a giraffe.''

2001: Artist Tracey Emin, who explained 'When it comes to words I have a uniqueness that I find almost impossible in terms of art - and it's my words that actually make my art quite unique.'

2000: Hollywood star Alicia Silverstone for her comments quoted in the Sunday Telegraph. 'I think that [the film] 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.'

1999: Former England manager Glenn Hoddle. When asked by Trevor McDonald to explain his controversial comments on people with disabilities, he said: 'I do not believe that. At this moment in time, if that changes in years to come I don't know, but what happens here today and changes as we go along that is part of life's learning and part of your inner beliefs. But at this moment in time I did not say them things and at the end of the day I want to put that on record because it has hurt people.'

::: posted by dan at 1:15 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

What if the Bible didn't exist?
People would just believe in whatever else was handed to them. It's too bad that the Bible - which people have hinged their faith to for centuries now - is not only most likely just a revisionist conglomerate of ancient myths and allegories, but it's also been hopelessly misinterpreted. Here's a mildly interesting example from Newsweek:

The popular conception of Eve is the product of centuries of myth and artistic interpretation. One widely held misconception is that the fruit Eve offered Adam in the Garden of Eden was an apple. In fact, scholars say, the Bible never states that. “Just because Milton mentions it in ‘Paradise Lost’ or some Renaissance painter puts it in a picture doesn’t make it an apple,” says Carol Meyers, professor of Biblical studies at Duke. Meyers says that not only is the apple missing from the story of Adam and Eve in Genesis, but there is also no mention of the words “the temptation of Adam,” “seduction,” “curse of Eve,” “Fall of Man,” “sin” or “original sin.”

::: posted by dan at 1:07 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments