Saturday, January 09, 2010 :::
Yeah, it's cold. It was nearly -20° outside when I woke up this morning, not including the windchill. It's also very snowy. Ever since the Christmas Day snowstorm, I've been continuously shoveling myself out.
Shoveling is one of my least favorite jobs in the world, second only to mowing the lawn, so I try to make a grand show of it for all my neighbors. It's all a part of my secret plan. Every time I bump into a neighbor while shoveling or mowing the lawn, I make sure to remark about how much I hate that particular task, very consciously hoping that they will remember my remark the next time they are shoveling or mowing their own yards and perhaps find it in their hearts to do mine as well. It's not such a clever or subtle trick, but it's actually worked quite often in the past. So I've stuck with it.
But a couple nights ago I was shoveling and a neighbor stepped out of the duplex next to my house. It was dark and I couldn't tell if I recognized him or not, so I casually shoveled my way over in his direction until I was close enough to say "Hey," and do a casual neighborly wave. He said "Hey," back and then went about his business. I didn't recognize him but I had to play it cool if I was going to con him into shoveling my walk the next time it snowed, and he seemed like he was going to be a tough nut to crack.
Finally, after I pretended to push snow around every which way I could within his vicinity for a good five minutes, the man finally broke the awkward silence and said, "Cold enough for ya?" which is one of my least favorite rhetorical questions of all time. But it was also an opening. For some reason, my first instinct was to reply, "You're telling me!" but I quickly realized that wouldn't make sense in the context, so midway through I tried to jump start my secret plan by remarking, "Shoveling is the worst!" but it all mixed together.
"You're the worst," I told my new neighbor whom I had never met.
I took way too long to recover, and then just babbled, "I mean it's the worst. This is the worst. Shoveling is the worst. Man do I hate this. I didn't mean you were the worst. Ha ha, that's funny. Obviously I wouldn't know if you were the worst since we never met... I'm Dan by the way."
"Tom, we just moved in." Then he turned away.
"Oh okay Tom, well let me know if you ever need anything. Feel free to knock, that's what neighbors are for!" But I think it was too late. I doubt Tom will be shoveling my walk anytime soon. I wanted to stick my head in the snow and die.
Bonus Related Foxy Animated GIF.
::: posted by dan at 9:31 AM :: [ link ] :: (1) comments
1 previous comments:
"You're the worst!"
I laughed so hard I have tears running down my face.
By Peruby, at 6:26 AM
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