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Tuesday, October 10, 2006 :::

Embarrassing Gym Story #17466: The Half-Naked Shimmy

I have a habit of tying my car keys to the drawstring of my gym shorts when I jog around the lake, and I tend to triple knot it to accommodate for the extra weight. Sometimes I get lazy after such a run and instead of taking the time to untie my shorts properly, I just yank real hard and force them over my hips, while they are still tightly knotted, and throw them into the wash. It can be a delicate procedure that can be somewhat painful, but for some reason it seems easier than trying to dismantle a triple-tied knot at your waist when you're tired and sweaty.

So the other day at the gym I was standing in my underwear and attempting to pull up my gym shorts, but they got stuck just above my knees. I looked down to notice that they were still triple-knotted from a previous jog a few days earlier. Luckily the locker room was empty so I stood there knock-kneed, in nothing but my underwear, trying to untie the shorts at knee-level. But the knot was tight, I couldn't see that far very well, and I had just trimmed my fingernails, so it was a clumsy-looking effort and it quickly became an exercise in frustration. I instantly regretted having already taken off my shirt. There was just too much skin showing to be in that type of awkward position if someone were to walk and witness the scene. Which of course someone did. And of course their locker was directly above mine, so of course they had to stand behind me and wait while I yanked on my britches and swore at my crotch.

After a few agonizing seconds of staring at me with my shorts pulled halfway down, he apparently got impatient and said "'Scuse me, my locker is right above yours," which put me in the awkward position of either having to remove my shorts altogether in order to get myself and my gym bag out of his way, or to try to shimmy my way to the side while basically having my legs tied together at the knees. Regretfully, I opted for the naked shimmy, which was an embarrassing enough maneuver to do in front of one person, but by this time two more had entered the locker room. I no more than finished the initial sideways shimmy when another man said from behind, "'Scuse me, that's my locker," and I had to repeat it.

At this point, I thought "Enough is enough," and I turned around to sit down on the bench in order to give that damned triple-knot my full attention, but the second my butt hit the bench another guy pointed and gestured that I was now in front of his locker. So I had to stand up, knees still tied together, and shimmy one last time, only this time with my crotch facing out, to the very end of the bench. Ten minutes later, I had the knot untied and my shorts pulled up to where they belonged. And I cursed myself for not being a boxers guy. I don't know why I always have to be half-naked in my most embarrassing moments.

::: posted by dan at 7:53 AM :: [ link ] :: (12) comments Social Bookmark Button

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12 previous comments:

I love the "Embarassing Gym Stories". At least you had your underwear on when this happened.

By Blogger Stacy B, at 1:24 PM  

if you weren't in your panties would they be the most embarassing moments?

I got caught in just a towel in my kitchen by my new roommate just days after we all moved in. I've decided there is no more naked sarah, ev-r.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:04 PM  

ROFL! Thanks Dan...I'm wiping the tears from my face as I type this (yes, I'm THAT good). Great story...I'm glad you did have your underwear on at least.

Note to Dan: Untie the freakin' knots!

By Blogger ntrudr, at 3:03 PM  

i HEART your embarrASSing gym stories. I just don't understand why we never get pictures to accompany the stories. You know... some people aren't very good at reading comprehension & could use pictures to more easily understand the story. I think everyone will agree, we need pictures of these embarrassing gym stories. Just ask the fellas in the locker room to snap one with your camera phone. I'm sure they'd happily oblige. :O)

By Blogger Michelle, at 4:47 PM  

Omg, that IS too funny! YES I agree w/Michelle that we need audio visual pics of these stories to prove they REALLY happened. I just don't understand why you can't get them since you are a SUCH a visual aid wizard Dan? Sheesh, you could capture Trevor singing badly in his underwear but not yourself? What's up with that, lol?!!!

I know we all experience absurdly awkward moments in life like that but I'm not gonna rat on myself, hehehe!

By Anonymous August, at 7:07 PM  

So back to the "cursed myself for not being a boxers guy " - based on one of your earlier posts...does this mean you tuck your undershirt into your briefs? I always assumed boxers based on your stunning illustration. I have to rethink my whole opinion on the matter now.

By Anonymous PocketChange, at 9:17 PM  

I instantly regretted having already taken off my shirt.

I don't know. I think maybe you might have regretted being caught with your undershirt tucked into your briefs with your shorts stuck on your knees a little more. All you would need at that point would be some taped-up glasses and a lot of badly applied gel in your hair and you would be the opening sequence for Revenge of the Nerds V.

By Blogger PrincessMax, at 9:49 PM  

Sorry. My blog is on top of yours.

You mind?

By Anonymous Jeff, at 4:51 PM  

I've been giving this more thought. The least you could do for your loyal blog fans is to re-enact the scene at home & let K-Mack take a picture of you to post here. And, that is the absolute least you could do for K-mack...considering the indelicate pictures of her that you've posted.

By Blogger Michelle, at 9:45 PM  

Michelle has a good idea there.

That was almost as funny as the time you snapped the dude with your underwear.

By Blogger elizabeth, at 2:17 PM  

I once tied my pants to my steering wheel. I was fiddling with the ties and tied them around the wheel, not really paying attention. Then I had to turn (and of course, forgot my pants were tied to the wheel). And it was a quick turn, not one of those "ooh, no one's coming" leisurely turns. I panicked and managed to rip my pants. My brother, who was the passenger, just looked at me and said "What the hell is wrong with you?"
You wouldn't believe how often my brothers & husband ask me that. You'd think they'd know better by now.

By Blogger Monkey, at 2:59 PM  

You should have a whole separate best-of-the-embarrassing-gym-stories section in your blog. They're brilliant.

By the way from your music blog, you've probably already heard of Feist, but if you haven't, the song "Mushaboom" has your ?ears? all over it.

By Anonymous Laura P., at 9:16 PM  

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