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Friday, August 11, 2006 :::

Proper Tuckage

I've taken a lot of heat in recent days for admitting that I tuck my T-shirts into my underwear. But I stand firm in my conviction that this is the only proper and most practical way for a man to dress. K-Mack couldn't really mount an argument against my method of T-shirt tuckage. Instead she just said it looked too "Sears Catalog". Cherry Nut agreed, only she used the just-as-offensive variation of JC Penney. All my coworkers just laughed and pointed. But it's clear that they are merely jealous of my ability to dress myself properly and with total disregard of any ridiculous and absurd culturally imposed standards.

Allow me to mock up a demonstration of the most practical tucking strategy and outline its benefits:

You see, this way your undershirt and the tails of your dress shirt don't get all bunchy and entangled. Everything stays tucked and taut, all day long. There's no abundance of fabric or excessive bulging at the waist (in spite of the extra large package I seem to have given myself in the above illustration). There is absolutely no downside to this method, except for K-Mack's lame and unjustifiable retort of "well, it just looks dorky," which she said with a tone that suggested that I should be feeling a certain level of shameful disgust with myself. This coming from the girl who likes to indulge in gas station hotdogs when they "catch her eye in the steamer box."

Anyway, I was originally going to make this a poll and ask for opinions about whether or not T-shirts should be tucked into underwear, but while I prepared my debate strategy I realized that I don't need a poll to determine that I am inarguably correct on this issue.

Unrelatedly, that illustration I created above gave me an interesting idea:
planetdan paperdolls.

::: posted by dan at 12:54 AM :: [ link ] :: (51) comments Social Bookmark Button

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51 previous comments:

You mean to tell us that you wear those stripper pants that velcro up the sides, so you can rip them off the front as opposed to having to take them down each leg?

I remember when the news broke that British PM John Major tucked his shirts into his undies. I found it hilarious at the time (but as I've aged, I've found that it can be useful).

Also - we need more costume changes for the paper doll. (PaperDan is more willowy than I imagined you to be. Also, I didn't pick you for a button-up-undie type man - much more dorky than tucking undershirt into underpants.)

By Blogger alivicwil, at 2:20 AM  

That makes complete sense to me...UNDER shirt into UNDERware...I think I just assumed everyone did that. *shrug*

By Anonymous Darcy's Twin, at 4:32 AM  

Definitely the wrong way of doing it. If you did have an kind of accident pre-toilet or post-toilet then your shirt would suffer as well as your underpants. If you leave your shirt in between your underpants and trousers then your shirt can stay fart / sweat / etc free.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:33 AM  

I appreciate your conviction for doing things the way you choose, regardless of what society has to say on the matter, much like Henry David Thoreau, Albert Einstein, and Jeffrey Dahmer. The only people I know who tuck their undershirts into their underpants are either over 79 years-old—the 78’s and under wouldn’t be caught dead looking so ancient—or are living in group homes for their mental handicap.

I think the problem you’re trying to solve might be due to improperly sized undershirts. The undershirt should be formfitting; there should be no bunching, either in or out of the underpants.

I can’t think of any real disadvantage of the double tuck regime you’re doing, aside from hygine issues and allowing people to view your underpants should your shirt come untucked.

Under what circumstances did K-Mack, Cherry Nut and coworkers see that your undershirt was tucked into your underpants?

By Blogger Erik, at 6:25 AM  

Quite a bulge going on there.

By Blogger Daniel, at 7:51 AM  

Just tell me you don't iron your underwear.

I see no reason that tucking undershirts into underpants is a problem.

I would like to know how and why your coworkers would know you tuck your undershirt into your underpants though.

By Blogger Trekgeekscott, at 8:31 AM  

I had a hotdog from a SuperAmerica just ONE time. I don’t think that makes me in love with them. AND, it was one of those SuperAmerica’s that’s more like a restaurant than a gas station, AND it was way out in the country where the people working at and patronizing the SA would never do anything absurd to the food available for the public to prep and handle, it was all on the up and up. AND…I have been suffering from the premenstrual syndrome since that day and I’ve eaten just about everything that’s dared to cross my path since. So you see, it’s not as though I really had a choice in the matter. AND…I think somehow it was Kroggy’s fault

By Blogger Kristina, at 8:41 AM  

undershirts are dorky, in or out. and in - IS Sears catalog.
and hotdogs are grody, too.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:51 AM  

Unfortunately, a perfectly fitted T-shirt has eluded me. Perhaps it is my small stature, but I am not aware of any brand that allows you to choose the height of the T-shirt like you would the inseam of your pants. And my abs/gut do not protrude beyond my chest, so keeping that area form-fitted might prove difficult as well. So my undershirts routinely hang lower and have more fabric than I would prefer.

Also, I'm not sure what you mean about hygiene or what you think is going on below my belt, but I assure you that I have no worries about passing any sort of venereal disease onto my T-shirt. And I haven't had a "pre or post toilet" accident since I was three. Plus, may I remind you that the whole point of underwear is to protect your outer layer of clothes that you really care about, so any extra layered protection in that area could only be considered a good thing.

And the worry about my shirt coming untucked which would allow someone to see my underwear is unfounded, because this is precisely the problem that my tucking strategy avoids. If you employ proper tuckage, your shirt will not become untucked in the first place.

K-Mack and Cherry Nut did not witness the tuck istelf, they just were responding to my coworkers' taunts. My coworkers saw my tuckage (eww that's a disturbing way to state that) when I was showing them my underwear or something. I honestly can't remember but it wasn't by accident.

But to summarize: your gently ribbing has not swayed my opinion on the matter even a little bit. T-shirts are not dorky by default. And yes, I have a big bulge.

By Blogger dan, at 9:35 AM  

You have made a good argument and before where I scoffed at your dressing technique, I now support your t-shirt into underwear tuckage. My question though is, do men always wear t-shirts under their button shirts? I understand when it's a light colored see through shirt but otherwise, it seems like a whole lot of layers.

By Anonymous Doll, at 10:53 AM  

did someone say undershirts are dorky? please tell me you still wear one. I'm a chick and I feel the need to wear one occasionally. I prefer the "wife-beater" style though. I as well find them too long, probably because I'm a chick, but alas I do some trimming if need be.

Dan, I have never thought you look dorky, in or out.

By Blogger the other sarah, at 11:00 AM  

u must have poopy undershirt son of a tucker!

By Anonymous worm2, at 11:19 AM  

oh and ps: Yes I do have breakaway pants.

By Blogger dan, at 12:26 PM  

Thanks for getting the chocolate chip cookies farther down on the post. I gained 5 lbs just checking to see if you had anything posted. From a woman's pespective, until the advent of thongs, I always tucked blouses into my panties. However, that doesn't work at all with thongs. Is it almost September, Erik? I need my playing doctor fix...

By Anonymous blond1, at 12:31 PM  

First of all, undershirts are hot. As in drop dead sexy.

Second, there's nothing wrong with tucking shirts into your underwear, UNLESS I have to see it. Not sexy.

By Anonymous Jen, at 1:29 PM  

Undershirts? Sexy.

Tucked in? Uber-sexy. Like, you walk into a crowded room and the panties just fly off.

Schematic bulge? Perhaps a bit much.

By Anonymous a fellow tucker, at 1:57 PM  

Screw anyone who doesn't agree with said tuckage. *I* tuck my shirt in that way when I have to, and I'm a chick.. Of course, it's a little more difficult when I'm wearing a thong, but hey, it WORKS!

By Anonymous Luna, at 2:05 PM  

An undershirt tucked into a thong!?!?


By Blogger Elle Marie, at 2:41 PM  

Maybe you should start buying t-shirts that snap in the crotch, like babies wear. That way you’ll make sure nothing rides up or gets bunchy!

By Blogger Kristina, at 2:55 PM  

I think to solve the entire issue - you should invent a little jumper type undershirt/underwear all in one. Kind of like long underwear but shorter.
That'd be cute.

By Blogger elizabeth, at 2:55 PM  

I can so see you running around in a little onesie.. awwww, with litte puppy dogs or trucks all over it...

By Blogger the other sarah, at 3:05 PM  

Dan, r u a "tighty whitey bun huggers" kind of guy? Pictures please.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:14 PM  

I have a solution to the question of inside the undies or outside, BUT it´s better on colder days, because i´ve tested it and it works for me! OK, wear tighties AND boxers and tuck the T-shirt IN BETWEEN the tighties and Boxershorts, then tuck the collar shirt in between Boxers and your Pants of preference. nice n´ snug, and don´t forget the belt. uncool to have a nice shirt tucked in snuggly without a belt.

By Anonymous Richard, at 5:23 PM  

I can't say I've ever given this subject much thought before... and I can't actually say I'm giving it much thought now as I'm much too mesmerized by that bulge...

By Anonymous Photo Betty, at 5:50 PM  

mate, you need some sort of girdle made of some superstrong yet to be invented fabric to keep that package in check, it looks like its bulletproof

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:28 PM  

the paper doll is a little disturbing..

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:41 PM  

i also tuck my undershirt - well, really it's a camisole - into my underwear. makes sense to me.

By Blogger spelbinder, at 8:36 PM  

can i add that its not just the way that you tuck the t shirt but also the way you fold it

By Anonymous p, at 12:39 AM  

I had such a crush on you before this! The shirt tucked into underwear is sooooo wrong!

By Blogger george86, at 3:24 AM  

I buy the whole underwear tuck procedure, anyone who is pooping on their undershirt is a pig...
and I second the snap crotch baby onsie idea Dan... you would be h-o-t- in a onsie...could you make it a clothing option for your paper doll collection?

oh Kris...a crusty overcooked super america weenier?

By Blogger Stacy, at 7:16 AM  

Fantastic. No girl should ever be without her PlantDan paperdoll.

By Anonymous Meagan, at 2:28 PM  

So, why is everyone wearing underwear? Just go comando & be done with all the bunched up lines. And, Richard wearing both tightie whities & boxers is all wrong.

The sexiest thing a man can wear is nothing and the 2nd sexiest thing is boxer-briefs...especially if the package is as nice as Dan's schematic. Grrrrr, Baby, Grrrrr!

By Blogger Michelle, at 4:27 PM  

My buddy Dave is the same way with the tucking the shirt into the UW [we used to be roommates].

And I must say, I am glad to see I am not the only one still using the term 'grody'.

I agree with the 'commando' comment. Life's a lot easier if you just freeball it, when possible.

By Blogger Big Daddy, at 7:38 PM  

A few things...
Undershirt into underpants is all well and good, but please, for the love of God, tell me you don't tuck your t-shirts in when you're just wearing a t-shirt. into the underpants or the trousers.
Tucked in t-shirt is so... *sigh*... middle aged "mr. dad".
Gas station dogs are so vile, reading about them actually made me gag a little, especially when I realized you were saying that you know someone who actually eats them.
The paperdoll image - Uber creepy.

By Blogger Gwenhwyfar, at 11:26 PM  

Dan, this is all so passe...and goes hand in hand with trouser sock garters.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:27 AM  

Dude, I agree with whoever said something to the effect of, "Damn, your undershirts must be... NOT CLEAN."

But really, in all seriousness, the best way to avoid this entire argument is to realize that shirt-tucking of any kind, quite simply, sucks. Don't do it. Problem solved!

By Anonymous the boy, at 2:24 PM  

If there is to be a paer doll Dan, there must be an undershirt to tuck into the underwear. I was very disappointed when I checked out your example.

By Blogger jali, at 10:43 AM  

If there is to be a paper doll Dan, there must be an undershirt to tuck into the underwear. I was very disappointed when I checked out your example.

By Blogger jali, at 10:43 AM  

But doesn't your underwear start riding up above your pants whenever you reach for something?

By Blogger Rob, at 2:04 PM  

Hm. Well, if that's your package buddy, you can tuck however you want. A partner will, however, be upset if they are trying to get to that huge package and have to try to find it under ALL THAT TUCKING!

By Anonymous Insatiable, at 8:41 PM  

I prefer commando unless I'm wearing dress pants. But the problem with commando is that the underwear help keep the shirts from riding out when they're tucked in.

By Anonymous Mike, at 3:02 PM  

1. Men should always wear under-shirts with dress shirts as well as under-wear in any situation. Anything else just isn't classy. (and we like to keep things classy.)

2. The under-shirt belonging under, under-wear reasoning doesn't jive because what then, does the under-wear get tucked under? The answer is not pants since the same reasoning would apply to under-shirts being beneath a shirt--and thus not under, under-wear. (I know, it's a conundrum wrapped up in an enigma rolled up inside a mystery, or something like that.)

3. Under-shirts should never be tucked into under-wear. Period. It's simply bad form.

4. Illustrations should never have a bulge that prominent. It distracts from the real issues at hand.

By Blogger rich, at 3:56 PM  

Hey, my last name starts with a Z too!

By Anonymous Richard, at 4:39 AM  

Underwear? Who wears underwear?

By Blogger Jake, at 11:03 AM  

I totally support you Dan. Ignore all of the predictable derisive coments - they simply don't understand.

Not only is it the right thing to do but I especially like it because it is so damn retro uncool. My wife is intelligent enough to not care.

Keep up the good fight

By Anonymous AJG, at 2:26 AM  

Having experimented with variations in this space-time continuum, I concur with the author. If the dress shirt is pulled out, the t-shirt will remain in place.

Why didn't you show how to place the sock?

By Anonymous QuantumFog, at 9:52 AM  

i too tuck my undershirt into my underwear. Note that both have the prefix "under." Proof positive that we rule, and the nerds behind me have no idea how to properly dress in the morning.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:12 PM  

OK, first of all, tucking your undershirt into your skivvies is a bit disgusting in my belief. First of all, if you have a wet fart there goes the shirt (you gonna tell me your gonna wash it and wear a poop stained shirt?), second of all is we all know two shakes isn't enough sometimes and urin can get on the shirt (you gonna try and wash out that yellow stain?), third of all, sometimes you can wipe and wipe and wipe and theres still poop in the chute, and you can't predict a wedgie or the hungry butt syndrome as I like to call it, so tucking the undershirt into my underroos is un-heard of. Now that that is out of the way, I do believe undershirts are fantastic as to hide your sweat ridden armpits, chest, and back from leaking or staining you dress shirt. White dress shirts especially, after a sweatful day look at the armpits of your undershirt (if they are old enough like my old army unders they tend to get yellow/brownish) I would much rather replace one of those for $5 for 3 vs. 1 for $15+. If I were to tuck it into my undies I would have to keep replacing them consistently, these nasty dudes I can only imagine what your parents, wives, boyfriends whichever you preference, thinks when seeing a shirt with the tail browner than the underwear, underwear was made to catch poop stains not your shirt, hench why boxers are more easier to clean than underwear, and come in much more colorful flavors than, whitey tighties, brownie poopies, blacky tackies.

Now I got military style with tuckage. Underwear, then undershirt (tight preferably, so that its tight against the body and to minus out the poofieness, and for those with extra slim figures/features use childrens clothes or use underarmour shirts (tight, white, and helps keep you cool)). Then I place my dress shirt on completely buttoned down, then slide my pants on over my shirt tails, then in the back I create a "pleat" with my fingers near the belt buckle/waist line and kind of triangulate the corners of the shirt tails and tighten it up a bit, after which I button my pants, tighten belt, then slowly, gently raise both hands above head and untuck a bit not a lot, so that I can move around a bit and not get constricted.

By OpenID Miken82ndabn, at 10:09 AM  

Forgot to say this much in the least, if you're going to tuck undershirt into underwear, why not go get an oversized baby onsie and button it at the crotch same freaking idea put into place. But wait why is the baby onsie on top of the diaper? Maybe cause underwear/diapers are meant to be placed at the bottom of the barrel and the shirts/onsies be placed between underwear and pants. Shirts should never be between crotch/butt cheeks and underwear, another good reason is that your smelly crotch is now on your shirt and not where it belongs on your skivvies.

By OpenID miken82ndabn, at 10:15 AM  

I don't know about you, but I don't often poop my pants or wet myself. In fact, I tend to have pretty fastidious hygiene habits with it comes to my nether-regions, so I don't generally worry about certain substances getting on my Tshirt.

Because by the same token, I don't know if I have an abnormally long torso, or what, but my tucked in T-shirts do not come anywhere near being in contact with my genitals or my exit chute, so again, I don't really have to be concerned about that either. Maybe you should research some shorter T-shirts.

By Blogger dan, at 8:14 AM  

How you correct the problem of having your underwear, pants, dress bunch into your butt cheeks and how do you take care of this problem?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:40 PM  

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