planetdan

Wednesday, September 05, 2007 :::

The World Shall Not Be Your Own Personal Toilet

I realize that most people disagree with me on this point, but I really think that peeing in a lake is trashy and disgusting. I don't really care what your excuse is. On the one hand, I had previously never been able to do it myself, due to my inability to just relax and let go, so perhaps my disgust was actually just disguised jealousy. But on the other hand, it's really just not appetizing to see people swimming and floating and splashing around in what is basically a big community toilet, regardless of lake size. Plus, I'd like to believe that we humans have reached a level of civilization where we would think twice about the prospect of gleefully splashing around in your own urine, as well as the urine of countless others.

But last weekend was a turning point for me. Faced with the decision of peeing in the lake or my own pants, I chose the lake, and after reaching a state of zen-like relaxation through intense meditation and concentration, I let it loose. And now that I've finally been able to participate in this seemingly popular tradition, I can definitively say that it was not jealously that initially led me to be disgusted by the practice of lake-peeing. On the contrary, I just think it's gross. In this photograph, which captures the exact moment of my inaugural underwater bladder evacuation, you can clearly see my look of utter disgust with myself:

So my lake-peeing career was over just as fast as it began. Hopefully, I will not be put in the position of having to decide between lake or pants again. And I sincerely apologize to those who swam after me.

Speaking of lake pee, I find this video to be simultaneously funny and cruel. One deserves a little humiliation for using the world as their own personal toilet:

::: posted by dan at 12:49 PM :: [ link ] :: (22) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

22 previous comments:

l your pain buddy. I can't do it either. I have a pool in my back yard I have yet to pee in. I don't care what you say about clorine and such, it's gross.

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sarah, at 4:32 PM

you need to explain why you were unable to pee in a REAL toilet. what if there was no lake around? would you have peed in your pants? Please say that there was alcohol involved! Who took the photo and did they know you were peeing? I need the rest of the story!

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Anonymous, at 5:15 PM

Basically, I had to pee while on a boat in the middle of a lake. My boatmates were not willing to bring the boat into shore to find me a restroom, so it was go in the lake or go in my pants. And yes, they knew I was peeing when they took the picture due to the fact that I was shouting "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" after taking too long of a time to relax my bladder against the water pressure of the lake. There were a couple beers involved, but I was not intoxicated.

But your odd desire for details leads me to speculate that someone has a pee fetish...

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dan, at 5:24 PM

not a pee fetish (ick) but I love your stories. They are usually hysterical and I felt that there was a good one surrounding the circumstances. I freak when I'm in a lake and I hit a warm spot - I always think it's fish pee.

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Anonymous, at 7:11 PM

Are you sitting on a "noodle"? If so, why?

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Anonymous, at 8:05 PM

The fish pee in the lake, you know. Also turtles. It's not like it wasn't already a toilet before humans hit it.

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Mike, at 8:13 AM

Oh, so we're no better than fish and turtles now? Why don't you go and de-evolve into a fish with gills if you love them so much?

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dan, at 8:25 AM

The noodle was to aid in my concentration so that I didn't have tread water and try to pee at the same time.

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dan, at 8:26 AM

between being uncomfortable peeing in a lake, yet shouting when it happened, plus the need for a noodle to distract you while peeing...you are a complicated man, Dan.

i applaud (and enjoy) your honesty.

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Anonymous, at 9:01 AM

I learned on "Oprah" that all our pee ends up in lakes and ponds and oceans anyway. I took that as permission to pee indiscriminately. I haven't used a public toilet in years.

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B. Sabio, at 3:02 PM

I know what you mean. Lakes are kinda gross as it is, why add more to it.

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Kylee and Michelle, at 7:28 PM

Peeing while submerged in water is a very good way to get a urinary tract infection, which is my primary reason for not doing it. In addition to being grossed out by the whole idea in general.

But I used to live in South Texas, where you know the rivers are public toilets, because tubers go on 4-hour floats with mass quantities of beer, and eerily no one ever mentions the need to void.

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Beth, at 11:05 PM

Urine is sterile ya know.

You can drink it.

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Tyler Durden, at 12:35 AM

It's TRUE! Urine is sterile. Sailors used it to wash their clothes for centuries.

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Noelle, at 8:51 AM

We've been through this before. HEALTHY urine is considered to be sterile before it leaves the body, and generally your OWN urine is sterile to YOU, but not necessarily to others. But the main problem is that when the urine leaves the body, it collects the bacteria from whatever it touches along the way through the penis or vagina or what have you, and this possible contamination renders it no longer sterile.

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dan, at 9:21 AM

Dan, I feel your pain. Next time you're out in the boat, bring the coffee can. This is a luxury only men have! Take advantage!

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Trudy, at 9:23 AM

As far as I know we (you and I and Mr. Durden) have not been through this before.

You can not urinate through a vagina. The vagina is directly connected to the uterus and not the bladder. Female species have a whole completely separate orifice of which we urinate from called the urethra and it is positioned directly against the vaginal wall.

You have a urethra too, except that you only have one orifice and a choice of what is expelled from it.

u·re·thra (y??-r?'thr?): The canal through which urine is discharged from the bladder in most mammals and through which semen is discharged in the male.

Thus ends the anatomy lesson.

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Noelle, at 11:51 AM

All I was sayin was that bacteria from your hoo-haw can contaminate your supposedly sterile urine.

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dan, at 1:26 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZfDrE3hz4g

22 seconds.

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Anonymous, at 6:04 PM

Urine is around 92 percent toxin, doesn't sound very tasty to me.

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Kylee and Michelle, at 12:39 AM

I knew that was what you meant (hoo-haw). I was just having a little fun. :)

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Noelle, at 10:44 AM

Sarah, I don't pee in a pool because that's just bad manners. A pool is pristine - and it belongs to someone you like, usually, and there's often a house or changing room nearby, with a nice clean potty. Peeing in a lake, ocean, river is totally different and what are you doing comparing the two? Who pees in a pool? ewwww.

I've been peeing in the ocean for so long that I get the "urge" as soon as the waves start crashing around my shins. I do go in up to my hips before voiding, though. We were trained up that way as kids. Our Moms took us in to pee.

I'm with B. Sabio, I'd rather make piddles in the ocean than the skanky beach bar bathroom, with the wet floor.

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toddbee, at 7:51 AM

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