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Saturday, March 10, 2007 :::

Used Jockeys for Sale

I buy my brandname underwear at Marshall's (Brand Names for Less™) to take advantage of the discount prices. Today I purchased a variety of different styles and colors, but when I got home and opened one of the packages for its pre-wear inaugural washing, something was not right. The plastic wrapping of the package itself was secured with unofficial-looking Scotch brand tape. Once opened, even more Scotch brand tape was to be found inside, applied in an even-less-official-looking manner:

This could only mean one of two things:

1. Someone bought some undies, took them home, tried them on, didn't appreciate the look or fit, repackaged them, and returned them to the store for a refund, or

2. Marshall's found an opened pack of Jockeys in their usual shipment of "slightly irregulars" and decided just to reassemble the package in the hopes that some unobservant schmuck like me wouldn't notice and purchase them by accident.

I'm hoping the latter is the actual scenario, but regardless, they went straight into the trash. I suppose I could have complained to Marshall's and returned them for a refund, but god knows the store would have just repackaged them again and put them right back out on the shelf for the next unsuspecting victim, and I decided that the cycle needed to end with me. The madness stops here. Oprah take note: I'm considering this to be my random act of kindness for the week.

It reminds me of when I was younger and we had a neighborhood garage sale and some sicko neighbor of mine put their tighty-whities up for sale at a quarter a piece. Who buys garage sale underwear, except maybe for sniffing fetishists?

Even worse: doods who sell their drawers on eBay, after modeling them for the auction listing.

::: posted by dan at 6:51 PM :: [ link ] :: (20) comments Social Bookmark Button

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20 previous comments:

I'm inclined to think someone opened them in the store to see what they really looked like, maybe to see if the cotton would be soft enough for his delicate skin. I just refuse to believe someone would take them home, try them on, and return them. I mean, come on. And I know the thought of someone else wearing your underpants is kind of *ick*, BUT you were going to wash them anyway, so...?

By Anonymous lola, at 7:42 PM  

Yeah, if you were going to wash them anyway, what's the big deal? You've stayed in hotels, right? Countless people have done all sorts of nasty things on those sheets, but who cares once they've been washed?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:57 PM  

Dan, if you hurry, I think you can get yourself an upsell pair of (very) briefs on ebay (I don't think this is particularly safe for work).

By Blogger Scooter, at 8:09 PM  

I don't think they would accept returned undies anyway, so I agree with the above people who said they were opened in the store.

Maybe dude on ebay thought he'd attract more *puke* bids if he modeled *puke* them...

By Blogger Marie, at 7:22 AM  

Anon just took the words out of my mouths..

By Anonymous European Dream, at 12:33 PM  

Yes, what a great act of kindness. Throwing away perfectly good underwear just because someone was trying to be environmently friendly by recycling the slightly damaged packaging with the help of scotch tape.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:06 PM  

Now it says right in the ebay add that you don't get the modeled pair of underwear - BUT you can get a copy of the pictures from the photo shoot on CD. Oh boy.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:32 PM  

I'm with you on this one Dan, they couldn't have landed in the trash quick enough. It makes my skin crawl to think about it. Granted, the store probably packaged them that way, still I wouldn't take a chance with them.

and just as an aside, when staying in hotels, I NEVER leave the comforter/bedspread on the bed because even though the sheets are freshly washed, those stinky comforters only get laundered somewhere around every 6 months.

By Blogger Trudy, at 10:30 PM  

It's nice to see a little color in your undie drawer though Dan.

By Anonymous sarah, at 12:00 AM  

Just out of curiosity...are they briefs? boxer briefs? thongs, maybe? ;0

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:52 PM  

I think that Dan should take pictures of himself modeling underwear!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:53 PM  

Dan, I would've just washed them. I like the color choices by the way.

By Blogger CampBlood, at 1:39 PM  

What sort of an unfashionable loser shops at Marshalls?

TJ Maxx is where it's at, bitches. TJ Maxx.

By Anonymous Patrick Walsh, at 2:36 PM  

What's worse is when you see second-hand undies on hangers at the goodwill/salvation army stores. Everyone should take a lesson here and toss out old and/or suspicious underwear, not try to hoist them onto the public. Shame is the name of the game.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:11 PM  

To the anonymous who wondered if they were briefs or boxer briefs, I think they were boxer briefs:

Yes, this is not the first time dan has blogged about his underwear!

To the people mentioning hotel sheets: exactly. And not only that, but hotel towels. You're rubbing those things on your naked body directly. But since they're washed, it's ok. Should be the same deal for underwear, right? I complete believe this in theory, but the real, un-rational me would not wear used underwear.

By Anonymous Zoe, at 10:29 PM  

Ahhh that's right! He tucks his shirt into his underwear, now that seems uncomfortable. I thought underwear was to protect you from your harsher outter shell of clothing.

Anyway, the art teacher I had in Jr. High that bought his underwear at Amvets (good will/salvation army type place) He'd talk about going on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, when the new shipments would come in, and how all the good underwear went fast. He'd go during his lunch break. And then he showed us his black briefs (what's the nickname for that?) When I freaked out, he said to get a grip, he wasn't taking off his pants, just showing the top for proof. As if it would have "purchased at Amvets" written on it. The scarier thing is that a lot of the boys thought it was a totally bad ass idea to buy used underwear.

By Blogger The Artist Extraordinaire, at 11:52 AM  

Artist's story just proves that teachers are WAY underpaid. Had to run out on his lunch break to get a good deal on used underpants? Poor schmuck.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:42 PM  

why are yo looking for used underware on e-bay??

i think that guy on the pic is just looking for a bf

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:25 PM  

How about solution #3:
you getting yourself a new hobby, that of sniffing fetishism too. How do you know you don't like it if you never tried it.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:53 AM  

Dear Dan,

I disagree with tossing the under's in the trash... That tape is lovingly placed by Jockey's Tape Monkeys... If you had just read the fine print and then boiled them in a bleach solution all would have been AOK.

Someplace in China a Tape-Monkey weeps.

By Blogger Pull Up A Chair, at 10:59 AM  

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