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Wednesday, September 06, 2006 :::

I know how to entertain a houseguest.

Erik from Playing Doctor was my houseguest this Labor Day weekend. My plan was to impress him with fine foods and good wine, accompanied by some great conversation and perhaps a tour of what is surely one of the best cities on the planet: Minneapolis. But instead we got super drunk on mediocre beer and bad shots within a few short hours of his arrival. So much so, that the subsequent hangover had me practically bed-ridden for the next two days straight.

Dr. Erik will probably confirm that I look just as unphotogenic in person as I do on film. I tried to rally for the rest of the weekend, but the rain made it difficult to leave the house, so during his short visit, he was fortunate enough to experience:

1. An Ill-Advised Drunk Fest
2. Swedish Meatballs at IKEA
3. Multiple Naps
4. Countless Hours in Front of the TV Watching Some of the Worst Cable Movies Ever Produced
5. A Near Death Experience via Carbon Monoxide Poisoning

Sounds like the best vacation evar, right? To further explain number 4: somehow on the third night, in a weakened mental state, we returned from a late dinner and I left my car running in the attached garage. Don't ask me how. I know it seems ridiculous, but let's just reserve judgment for now. Hours went by without noticing. Luckily, we were up exceptionally late watching cable TV so I was awake enough to hear the subtle beeping of the Carbon Monoxide detector I had purchased a couple years back. Upon investigating the beep, we discovered my car purring in the closed garage, and the detector readings were off the charts, peaking at almost 500 parts per million. Just a slight bump above the 50 parts per million that is apparently dangerous enough to trip the alarm.

The hazy thick stink of the fumes in the basement was choking. Had we gone to bed ten minutes earlier, the Carbon Monoxide would have surely permeated the "expanse" of my smallish climate-controlled abode, silently killing us all in our sleep. You'd think that almost killing your houseguest by means of being a total thoughtless idiot might sound a little embarrassing or uncouth, but really, what's more exciting than almost dying, right? People might come for my sparkling personality, but they stay for the near-death experience. After all, you can't get that just anywhere.

To be fair, Erik was gracious and understanding about the whole affair. And he did get a Greasy Cooter T-shirt out of the deal, though, so all's well that ends well. Right, Erik? Oh, and I didn't force him to eat those $1.99 meatballs. He did that of his own volition.

::: posted by dan at 12:21 AM :: [ link ] :: (17) comments Social Bookmark Button

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17 previous comments:

I will make a mental note of how to properly entertain a houseguest...

Dan, want to come visit me?

By Blogger the other sarah, at 11:02 AM  

I've got some rat poisoning in the closet you can have for holiday guests...

By Anonymous Darcy's Twin, at 11:10 AM  

I think Teflon poisoning works best for holiday guests; itís the sort of killing that will get them over time, one egg bake at a time.

Hopefully our situation isnít going to be like those Final Destination movies. You probably screwed up Deathís Design, if I befall some horrific death scenario that will include unpleasantness up until Iím ultimately decapitated vs. going peacefully in my sleep Iím gonna be really pissed off. I was probably going to be the first go, being on the fist floor, you wonít have to worry about your own death until something happens to me. You are such a jerk! OHÖthe garage door is so gonna get me, I knew it!

By Blogger Kristina, at 11:41 AM  

I bet you exclusively drink Miller, don't you? You little rat.

By Blogger callmekidd, at 3:06 PM  

I love your t-shirt. You don't tuck that into your undies, do you?

By Blogger Lolie, at 3:30 PM  

is that the same eriK with the black eye, dressed as a ho?

By Anonymous toddbee, at 4:12 PM  

Dan, Dan, Dan, you can't simply ignore the problem. Please get help!

By Anonymous The AA Guy Everyone Loves to Hate, at 5:31 PM  

He ate IKEA's meatballs and he ate yours, huh? Come on, tell the truth, you guys have the gay.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:46 PM  

Good to see he shaved and is sans black eyes. Much better look.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:19 AM  

Hmmm, you are both so damn cute!!!

By Anonymous Mikey, at 9:35 AM  

Nice to see Erik's wounds have healed - looking forward to the second week in September when he starts blogging again...

By Blogger Spider, at 9:57 AM  

Sorry, but I have to ask how: how exactly do you "accidentally" leave your car running in the garage for hours?

By Anonymous lola, at 4:13 PM  

Love that first picture, Dan! Priceless!

By Anonymous Georg, at 5:51 PM  

I just want to know why I wasn't invited...

By Blogger elizabeth, at 11:37 AM  

I noticed you said #4, which was watchin stupid cable movies, not #5 which was near death. Although it sounds like watching the supid cable movies is linked to near death.

Now I am like those Star Trek fans that right in to say the stars in the background don't mach what part of the galaxy the ship is supposed to be in.

I really don't understand the car thing. Dont the beep and stuff when you open the door and the keys are still in the ignition? Pretty hilarious, I imagine you guys stumbling out of the car saying, "hey let's watch some movies on USA!"

By Blogger The Artist Extraordinaire, at 11:45 AM  

Sorry I know I'm probably too old to say it, and I will embarass bro dan, but Dr. Eric is really cute.

By Blogger Colleen, at 10:20 PM  

Dan, I can't believe no one asked you if you "Played Doctor?"

By Blogger Nate Dogg, at 2:47 PM  

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