planetdan

Wednesday, August 30, 2006 :::

A New Weight Loss Program

Why bother losing weight when you can just furnish your house with warped circus mirrors that benefit your silhouette and get a new HP digital camera that removes the pounds for you?

HP's Exclusive Digital Cameras with Slimming Feature

With all these new technologies, my photoshopping powers are soon to be obsolete. Although to be fair, I usually like to take the opposite approach and fatten people up in pictures. I rarely go the extra mile to make people look better, so until HP unveils a Fattening Filter or some type of feature that removes teeth and adds pimples, I'll just keep on keepin' on with my pitiful old Canon Sureshot and my abused copy of Photoshop.

Of course, there's also something a little unethical, or perhaps diabolical, about offering such a ridiculously shallow, inherently manipulative, and flagrantly fraud-assisting option on a consumer-priced camera. Not to mention the fact that it blatantly enforces negative body image issues. But I'm too lazy to be philosophical today.

::: posted by dan at 4:40 PM :: [ link ] :: (13) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

13 previous comments:

This is sick! The paparazzi will have a field day. There was a Mad TV skit with similar theme regarding Oprah, that she used a "slimming" camera to look thin on TV. Try to find it on Youtube. :-)

By

Scott, at 6:10 PM

Hey, that must the one they used for Katie Couric! ;-D

By

Riograce, at 6:25 PM

where can I buy it?
It would be such a dirty little secret though...

By

Stacy, at 8:31 PM

i'm an amazon, I'd buy one...

By

the other sarah, at 9:17 PM

It just looks like it makes her boobs smaller. Why would a woman want that? Why would anyone want that?!

By

Jacobpants, at 9:34 PM

You know what's truly sad? Not the HP imager, but me in Vancouver following this blog instead of doing my research work. *sigh* Do they have an imager that makes you look smarter?

By

Anonymous, at 10:13 PM

I'm not entirely sure why, well... okay, I am ("...ridiculously shallow, inherently manipulative, and flagrantly fraud-assisting... not to mention the fact that it blatantly enforces negative body image issues..."), but this makes me feel significant anger. I can only hope that, has it not started already, there will be an enormous - and amusing - "backlash" of sorts against HP over this incredibly asinine contraption. Maybe Oprah can make herself useful or something...

By

the boy, at 5:26 AM

From now on you take pictures of me with that camera and no other camera!!! I am gonna get so fat (fatter), and all you will be none the wiser! I’m so excited!!!!!!

By

Kristina, at 8:52 AM

keep that camera away from my nether regions - "slim" enough as it is...

By

Anonymous, at 10:01 AM

I'm with "the boy." This makes me really mad, along with the Katie Couric thing. Retouching your own personal photos is just sick. Yeah, I wish I had been thinner on my wedding day, but I'm not going to change my photos and live in some deluded reality! I really hope that I never have daughters, because they are destined to get eating disorders.

By

Zoe, at 11:36 AM

Yeah, she's such a disgusting fatty in the "before" photo.

If anyone took a picture of me using this feature, I would shove their camera so far up their ass they'd need to go to a dentist to get their pictures developed.

By

june, at 1:19 PM

Not only do I want one - I want a law passed that only people who have this camera are allowed to take my picture! This is actually quite funny and I mean - they do say that the camera adds 10 pounds afterall... seems fair to me. lol.

By

elizabeth, at 3:19 PM

Oh my god. This is real?! I thought it was a joke, after the whole Katie C thing....Just what we need...more pressure to be a size 1. Let us sit back and watch the eating disorders skyrocket!

Although...I am curious what my size 12 body would look like as a size 4...

I'm part of the problem, aren't I?

By

rae, at 6:25 PM

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