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Tuesday, August 23, 2005 :::

Prized Possessions

I like to sit and think about what I would grab from my house in a mad dash if it was being consumed by fire. I like to be prepared like that. Mostly I just imagine grabbing my laptop and maybe a few precious vinyl LPs because I am an unsentimental jackass with solid stone for a heart. But I would also at least make an attempt to grab my photo albums, because I'm honestly not as bastardly as I just portrayed myself to be. Oh, and I should probably save K-Mack, too. There are only a few other items I own that I would make an extra effort to save as well. Everything else can burn.

1. My Broken Decemberists Tambourine
So generously donated to me by BigDubb after he swiped it from the last Decemberists concert I attended.

2. My autographed copy of In The Presence of Aliens
One of my former coworkers wrote a nonfiction book about her experiences being abducted by aliens. Contrary to what Fox Mulder might say, I don't want to believe, but it still makes her one of the coolest people I've ever associated myself with. On one of the final days before getting the big shove-off from the doomed dotcom we were both employed with, she gave me an autographed copy. I have since read it into tatters.

3. Black sand from some beach in Hawaii
There's nothing special about this sand, and it really holds no special place in my heart, but replacing it would take an 8-hour plane ride, followed by another inter-island plane ride, followed by a weavy three-hour motion-sickness-inducing car ride (most likely while hungover) to a remote black sand beach somewhere in Maui. Not that I wouldn't want to make the trip to get more if I had to.

Speaking of dirty Hawaii and aliens, here is a picture of me putting the moves on a sexy grey-face islander. No anal probe jokes, please:

ps. Blogger spellcheck is such a goody two-shoes. It doesn't even recognize the word "hungover". Don't drink, don't smoke, what d-do you do, Blogger Spellcheck?

::: posted by dan at 5:03 PM :: [ link ] :: (34) comments Social Bookmark Button

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34 previous comments:

no anal probe jokes? why would you post a photo in which you can clearly see all the way up your shorts? someone was looking for something that night.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:37 PM  

thats one sexy alien. didja get the digits?

By Blogger Josh, at 6:41 PM  

yeah, someone wasn't wearing panties.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:45 PM  

That Alien is one sexy Bitch.

I would probably try to save (besides Chris) pictures and my car keys. And my purse. I'm too goddamn practical. I always think that in a fire I'd try to grab my purse and keys - because, well, what would you do without them?

By Blogger Biglug, at 7:38 PM  

Is that shirt legal? I know the shorts aren't.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:51 PM  

I don't remember how, or when, or where, or why but I am completely hooked on your blog. You are an extremely witty entertaining stranger and I'm glad I stumbled upon your page. I kind of hope I run into you on the streets of Minneapolis someday so I can hug you and thank you for bringing humor and many funny pictures into this world.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:07 PM  

You do know that's a boy Alien

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:35 AM  

Did you slip a little somethin' somethin' in his pineapple drink?

By Blogger stapler, at 6:07 AM  

hmmmmm,the if your house was on fire question....I would bring my pictures,and my workout pants because it's really hard to find "the perfect workout pant"I would say some sentimental knick knack thing but when you have a kid all that stuff gets destroyed...what about your movie stub collection?

By Blogger Stacy, at 7:58 AM  

Hey! I can see up your pants!

By Blogger Christian, at 8:00 AM  

thanx for the flash, man

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:26 AM  

So other than the book, was the alien lady nuts or what?

By Blogger Stifledfits, at 9:53 AM  

I like it when stacy says "pant". Why is the singular form so much more amusing? I had a movie stub collection too. Right in my photo album, in preparation for fire fleeing. Just so I never forget that I saw Weekend at Bernie's II (it was the cheap theater).

By Blogger Christine, at 10:04 AM  

Thanks Dan!!! Iím going to need you to grab some of my stuff too, most importantly my medal for finishing the Gary Bjorkland Ĺ Marathon and my passport. Youíre the best!!!

By Blogger Kristina, at 10:11 AM  

Wow, Dan, I feel like I know so much more about you after that picture.....yow-zah!

If my house were burning down, I would have to save my cats. And my knitting bag.

Wow. I sound 98 years old.

By Blogger Angela, at 10:30 AM  

What's this, what's happening, what's this going on here? Thanks for the Karen Walker reference. good times.

By Blogger Kevdogg, at 11:42 AM  

Seriously, where in the hell did that shirt come from? Wow. (long pause, shaking of the head) WOW.
Why would you buy something that makes you look like you are wearing a 5 year old's jammies? I only hope it is some crazy "vacation/holiday only" shirt because if I ever have to see that in person I will jab out my eyes with whatever utensil is closest to me and run screaming in the other direction. And whoever wrote the "aint legal" comment is my new best friend.

By Blogger brent, at 12:56 PM  

Um, it is a Hawaiian shirt. I was in Hawaii. This is tropical dan. You know how they say: when in Rome/Hawaii. You guys just wish you had a shirt so fancy. And it's not like you can see my penis. Geesh. Believe me, if I wanted you to see my penis, I would have shown you my penis. "Naked Thursday" is always only a couple days away, as Stacy always likes to say.

By Blogger dan, at 2:16 PM  

Don't dangle the words "Naked Thursday" in front of your admirers unless you are man enough to follow through...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:40 PM  

Hey Dan, I think your shirt rocks no matter what brent says... if I had a shirt like that and my house was on fire, that would be the thing that I'd save... and my Billie Holiday cd's... good stuff.

By Anonymous Zoe, at 3:43 PM  

I was two seconds away from experiencing Naked Sunday at the Miller house hold this past weekend, Dan likes to be footloose and fancy free when he thinks Iím at the market.

By Blogger Kristina, at 3:56 PM  

Yeah, I don't think I want to believe either. But your ex-coworker's book looks pretty cool...

By Blogger platkat, at 4:41 PM  

Uh, I do believe it is half nekkid thursday. Show your genitals if you want, hell show someone elses and say it's yours. No one knows.

Wow, that tamborine was tops on your list. coo'. I only had to wrastle it away from a small woman in a wheel chair to get it for you. totally worth it.

It was a good show.

By Blogger BigDubb, at 4:47 PM  

I asked before if the shirt was legal...I'm confused if it if is duckies and bunnies on the shirt or pineapples and rocks.

also the alien looks like jerky.

By Blogger bushwacker, at 9:52 PM  

...can't..resist...any...longer...It looks to me like the alien is the one worried about an anal probe. Just look at his hand protecting his butt.
....Whew....I feel better

By Blogger stapler, at 10:30 AM  

I'd definately grab my pets and try my danmedest to save my super awesome coffin table.
And the comment about the jerky alien made me think of Futurama.

By Blogger Gwenhwyfar, at 11:34 AM  

Annoyed alien isn't interested in your wet kisses. Annoyed alien only wants to go back to Uranus.

(shush, what an oldy... shameless me)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:53 AM  

come on Dan,when you have a world famous blog and tens of thousands of people are hanging on each and every post,you need to update more often...You know if you started charging for access I bet you could quit your job and devote all of your time to photoshoping images and posting nekkid picture of you wearing pinneapple shirts...

By Blogger Stacy, at 12:22 PM  

Dan, no one has mentioned it yet so......What the heck is that brown thing between your legs? That's a real lude look, but I'm lovin it!!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:38 PM  

Sorry, I'm all over excited. I meant to say lewd.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:40 PM  

Damn...I was all bashful about thinking that that brown bag strap between your legs looked like a strap-on, but someone already beat me to it. It just doesn't pay to pretend to have morals, obviously.

By Blogger Elle Marie, at 12:45 AM  

Has Dan died? :o

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:50 PM  

Of course it was my strap-on. I always wear it out on the town while on vacation. I want give a good impression on Minnesotans. I am proudly representing my state, after all.

By Blogger dan, at 5:46 PM  

Oh my...oh wow!!! Add that strap on to your list of things to save Dan.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:59 PM  

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