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Monday, August 15, 2005 :::

Roger Ebert lays the smackdown...

Sometimes I love Roger Ebert. I emailed him once and he actually replied. I considered printing out the email and framing it for my wall, but then I thought better of it. I don't want to seem like a freak, after all. This is an excerpt from Roger Ebert's review of Deuce Bigelow 2:

[Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo] created a spot of controversy last February. According to a story by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times listed this year's Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were "ignored, unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that ... bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,' a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic."

Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: "Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind ... Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers."

Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he can't take it. Then I found he's not so good at dishing it out, either. I went online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a Los Angeles Press Club Award, a award, and the Publicists' Guild award for lifetime achievement.

Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.

But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" while passing on the opportunity to participate in "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray," "The Aviator," "Sideways" and "Finding Neverland." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

::: posted by dan at 10:06 PM :: [ link ] :: (5) comments Social Bookmark Button

Comments are Closed On this Post

5 previous comments:

rob went after ebert on some show a long time ago because ebert didn't like the original bigalow flick.
I'm sure there's a transcript out there, but it was pathetic.
you would think rob would realize his movies are stoner fodder...

By Blogger Editor, at 10:45 PM  


By Blogger Christian, at 8:03 AM  

Oh God! I was going to post about this very review! Now I'm too late. Laziness sucks. I'm glad you have it here though.

I met Ebert in a parking garage on McClurg Court once. He was wearing makeup, fresh from taping 'At the Movies' I suppose but he was very kind and not at all creeped out when I asked him for his autograph. (Yes, when you're me, you ask the critics and not the stars for their signatures...)

By Blogger imp (Iva-Marie Palmer), at 1:39 PM  


By Blogger Elle Marie, at 2:17 PM  

i almost printed out an email you sent me once... still have it at least. You're forever on my server, as long as i work here... ;)

By Anonymous sarah, at 5:05 PM  

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