Search planetdan:

 


Monday, August 31, 2009 :::

Deathchips

Due to circumstances outside of my control, I found myself eating lunch at Subway today. Upon pouring my bag of Lays out onto my unfolded paper sandwich wrap, I noticed a higher density of green potato chips than usual. Just the other day, my friend Stacy told me that green potato chips were poisonous, which I immediately dismissed as being a ridiculous urban myth. If that were indeed the case, how could Big Potato ever justify letting little bites of poison slip into so their bags? Wouldn't there have been a class action lawsuit by now? It didn't seem reasonable. So I ate them all up anyway, as a way of voicing my silent disapproval of outrageous hearsay. They didn't taste good at all, but I felt like I was taking a stand for something I believed in.

But then I got nervous and the self-doubt kicked in (late as usual), and after a visit with my good friends Snopes and Google I found out I was wrong and Stacy was right. Those things are mad deadly.



The chemical processes and specific details attributing to the poisonous nature of these deathchips isn't exactly interesting, and it turns out you'd have to eat over four pounds of the nasty little things to die, but a few sources online stated that even a couple could give you a tummy ache.

So I sit here, belly aching, pondering my death by green Lay. Although my stomach discomfort could just as easily be attributed to my BMT on White. Still, if I don't wake up tomorrow morning, have the forensic investigators raid the Subway near Southtown to find the real culprit. But at least I was able to pass this knowledge along to those that I care about.



Posts Remaining
Until 1,500


10
Days Remaining Until
7th Blogiversary


17




::: posted by dan at 6:36 PM :: [ link ] :: (2) comments Social Bookmark Button

Comments are Closed On this Post

2 previous comments:



I survived the evening, so all is well.

By Blogger dan, at 10:16 AM  




put if you twitter about the chips episode and the bad bag, both Subway and Lay's might generously compensate you, in cash or food...try it.
Dooce.com did something similar (but on a waaaay bigger level) when her new, expensive washer was on the fritz...just saying, you should at least get your money back from the meal from Subway. Just ask, ye shall receive. Having an upset stomach for something you paid for just sucks! Good luck.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:23 PM  




< Back to Blog




sections
planetdan home
planetdan blog
dan's pics

recently
Animated Friday (Showoff Showdown Edition)!
Rock You Like A Hurricane
Butterface.
Guilty Pleasure Mondays (Bait Car Edition)!
Animated Friday (Frustrated Children Edition)!
Crazy is as crazy does.
The Perfect Storm
You can't go home again.
Animated Friday (Cruelty to Animals Edition)!
Urban Glass Myth

friends
erik
jason mulgrew
beware of the blog
nyc babylon
nofo
sista c
b stacy b
trek geek scott
second toughest
sarah
furry
pierre
and far away
chez lynne
peacebang
the big lug
little voice
desimon
monkey

others
the superficial
stereogum
boing boing
golden fiddle
girls are pretty
mcsweeneys
grow-a-brain
more cow bell
presurfer
world of wonder
worth1000
elbows

email
dan@planetdan.net

archive


some ads