Tuesday, January 13, 2009 :::
I wouldn't call myself fat (unlike my WiiFit), but I have a burgeoning spare tire around my waste that could use a little special attention in 2009. If you combine my poor self-image with the idealistic sheen of a brand new year then you've got the perfect recipe for "gullible jackass."
While watching TV early one Sunday morning - a scant three days after the dawn of the new year - I caught an infomercial for Tony Horton's 10-Minute-Trainer workout program for the umpteenth time. I sat up in bed to pay full attention as they presented their claim that you can have the body you've always wanted in only ten minutes a day. "Well I've got ten minutes..." I thought to myself. Then they threw in a free set of resistance bands. "Well those look helpful..." I said. Then they showed a few "un-retouched" before and after photos of previous participants. "Well that looks effective!" I shrieked. Then they knocked ONE FULL PAYMENT off the total purchase price of the entire package and my fingers couldn't dial the phone fast enough. The free upgrade to "Express Shipping" was just gravy.
Only nine days later, I finally received my expressly-shipped 10-Minute-Trainer package in the mail. After the dog-and-pony-show I saw on the television, I was expecting an over-sized crate, jam-packed with DVDs and workout accoutrement. Take a look at what $80 really gets you:
Yeah, that's about $3.00 in raw materials, but I suppose what you're really paying for is the expertise that only a real professional like Tony can provide.
Did I tell you that I've met the man?
I'm positive that this is the plan I've been waiting for. All those other workout DVDs I've purchased, the unused gym membership, the WiiFit, the balance ball, the hand weights, the torturous jogging, the Tai-Bo, the Lean Cuisines... they all were useless. My new life begins today and nothing can stop me now. Next stop: six-pack abs. Mark my words.
::: posted by dan at 12:14 PM :: [ link ] :: (6) comments
6 previous comments:
Oh no you did NOT fall for that?!
I think that when Tony Horton spoke to you, you should have replied "yeah, trying to reduce the size of my....unit."
Because that's what falling for those exercise scams does.
It's o.k. I used to fall for them too. Before you were 12.
By me, at 5:50 PM
How does it work? Like an enema?
By , at 5:41 AM
BZ, I'm laughing so hard I snotted. you are funnier than dan.
By , at 8:50 AM
you forgot to mention you also got express delivery at no extra charge...
I also agree that you are not paying for the band you are paying for the man who is typicaly $500 a session to train with...now you have him in your living room... I am super envious... plus if you go from doing no resistance training to ten minutes a day of it you will get results... take it from me...stacy Horton
By Stacy, at 9:59 AM
I find the capitalization strategy of the poster fascinating.
By Erik, at 7:20 AM
as i was reading this, i got my ship notice for the Bender Ball i ordered. you're not the only sucker! i'm not looking forward to the few minutes a day it's going to take either. boo!
By , at 6:56 AM
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