planetdan

Tuesday, June 10, 2008 :::

The Half Rack

I got a belated Christmas present this week. My friend got herself a new set of breast implants, and they had to remove the old ones. Somehow, I ended up being the lucky recipient of one discarded fake boob:

I was a little disturbed by the concept at first, but I was assured it had been thoroughly cleaned and sanitized. That's when fascination took over.

It's nothing like I would have expected, actually. In fact, I have a few impressions to share:

1. It doesn't seem exactly bust-proof (no pun intended). Meaning: it feels like it could easily explode if I simply tossed it at the wall, or if it collided with a deployed air bag or something, but I'm not about to squeeze it until it bursts to find out.

2. All those Law & Order and CSI shows are full of BS. They are always identifying Jane Doe bodies on that show from "serial numbers" on implants. There are no serial numbers to be found anywhere on this thing. I call foul.

3. It's got air in it, which makes it all sloshy. I was surprised by this fact because you wouldn't think that a girl would want to sound like a bra-full of water balloons if she was running around or bouncing or something. She claims it didn't have any air in it when they first removed it, which leads me to believe that it's either leaking or that it's somehow evaporating outside of its rubbery shell. Whatever the case me be, it wouldn't make me feel too confident about breast implants in general if I were a lady.

Right now it adorns my mantle. I was going to use it as a paperweight, unless someone else has a better idea? It probably won't be around forever, though, considering the mysteriously vanishing fluid issue.

Oh, and for the record, her replacement implants look very nice indeed.

ps. I fear what this post will do to my targeted website ads on the right. I guess we can only wait and see.

::: posted by dan at 10:33 PM :: [ link ] :: (20) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

20 previous comments:

Those are saline, mine are silicone, so I don't slosh, butttt...now I have an awsome birthday present for hubby when I have my redo and need to do something with my old ones, ohhh maybe book ends? did you get to squeeze the new ones?

By

Anonymous, at 4:01 PM

I'm seeing "Pretty and virtuous Chinese ladies for marriage" ads on the right. Niiiiice.

By

Julie, at 4:42 PM

I got a Target ad. And one for increasing your bust.

By

BJ, at 9:06 PM

I'm seeing a PIPE REPLACEMENT ad...
wow.... thought provoking!

By

anne, at 10:53 PM

I saw an ad that said something like "combat Republican ideals". But this it was gone upon refreshing. Again, something to think about here...

By

Noelle, at 8:25 AM

mine says "RECLAIM YOUR BRAIN"

too funny!

By

Rebecca, at 9:22 AM

lol! the ads i see are for drain net strainers and face wart removals...

hey dan, u seem like u're blushing all over in those pictures. :)

By

iamnotfrodo, at 9:29 AM

My ads include "Chinese Virtuous Women for Marriage".

By

Pete Krawczyk, at 10:19 AM

Two thoughts...
1. What happend to the second implant,and;
2. Why does such a tiny woman need such huge fake boobs?

By

Anonymous, at 11:06 AM

You'd think someone who pays so much attention to their boobs would wear the appropriate bra.

Yes, I know I'm going to hell for that comment.

By

Anonymous, at 3:46 PM

way off topic:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/12/people.benjones.ap/index.html

takes me back to your kickball days. what happened to the greasy cooters?

By

JeJo, at 11:27 PM

Dan, I'm pretty sure you should expect another solicitation from the Girls Gone Wild magazine now. You obviously have the chops to be one of their top correspondents.

By

Radha, at 9:43 AM

Might I suggest using the implant as a wrist support for your mouse. Or maybe donate it to a animal shelter to be used as a bean bag, or stunt bag for a thrill seeking gerbil or hamster.

If you had both implants you could have painted them brown and used them as the cinnamon bun rolls on the side of your head for a sweet Princess Lea costume!!

By

Anonymous, at 11:22 AM

The ad I'm seeing now is for a...
"Snowfall Machine: A snowman snow machine that shoots 20ft in the air!"
Would you like another present?
p.s. that's a very sensitive arrangement on your mantel.

By

AMR, at 3:51 PM

Totally unrelated, but I own the exact same lamp that is in the background of your first picture. Did you get it from Target.com? That's where I got mine!

By

L. Britt, at 9:34 PM

Dooood, you touched a booby.

By

me, at 10:08 PM

She is absolutely gorgeous...hilarious gift too...

By

Anonymous, at 12:39 PM

I'm surprised so few people commented on how hot your friend is...

By

Anonymous, at 2:32 PM

She looks like my wife, they could pass as sisters.

By

Anonymous, at 9:37 PM

When a person cuts themselves, people assume they must be pretty fucked up up to voluntarily damage their body. When women pay $$$ for a cosmetic surgeon to do the same thing (with greater health risks), people call them pretty. Dude, you need to get yourself some friends with better mental health.

By

Anonymous, at 6:25 AM

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