planetdan

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 :::

Househuntin'

So Kmack is moving away from me. We've been roomies for almost ten years, but she and her fiance have purchased a house three miles south and will be completing the move at the end of June.

I was jealous of their house hunt and asked for constant updates. I loved house-hunting. Looking at other people's stuff was almost too intoxicating. It's really fun and easy to judge someone by their wall-hangings. Even more astounding is what some people think is presentable when preparing their house for a showing, for instance:

• One house we looked at was almost completely empty except for an overflowing litter box. You'd think that would be the one item you'd be sure to remove before a visit by prospective buyers.

• Another house had ashtrays that were brimming with cigarette butts in every single room, which wasn't surprising because the entire house stunk like smoker's lung. There was even an overflowing ashtray on the dresser in the children's bedroom, surrounded by stuffed animals.

• Yet another house had a poorly-drawn pastel portrait of Boy George in the bedroom, which I thought at first was meant to be kitschy, until I saw the matching hand-molded clay statue, complete with top hat and microphone. Apparently someone was a fanatic AND an amateur artist.

Of course, things could have been worse. Take for instance this genuine real estate appraisal description for a house somewhere in Nevada that I don't ever want to visit:

Looks like new appliances and cabinets, though! Um, is the discarded slipper included?

Anyway, Kmack and I have begun the division of assets and packing process, so it won't be long before she's gone which makes me sad. I'm talking really sad. Like Gilmore-Girls-is-Cancelled sad. She will be missed.

Plus, it's her birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KMACK!

::: posted by dan at 7:42 AM :: [ link ] :: (15) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

15 previous comments:

Poor Dan, left all alone now...
Congrats & Happy Birthday to K-Mack!!!!

And that body outline in the kitchen is really fancy....

By

CampBlood, at 7:41 AM

pThanks Dan!!!

So…nobody missed this person for six months? I will add this to the list of things I really want never to happen to me.

1. Be swallowed headfirst by a man eating shark
2. Be decapitated
3. ALL of that stuff those girls did in The Descent
4. Anything that involves getting poked in the eye balls.
5. Secretly be filmed from the mouth down eating a big greasy burger for any news special on obesity.

And now…

6. Melt on the kitchen floor for six months after my unnoticed death

KMack

By

Anonymous, at 10:55 AM

Sorry Dan, but at least she'll still be close to you in miles.

Happy Birthday K-Mack and congratulations on the new home and upcoming nuptials!

By

Trudy, at 12:18 PM

where did you find that picture?

By

Anonymous, at 12:46 PM

Makes you wonder what that kitchen smells like.

By

Heather, at 2:28 PM

Being sold "as is" - and will be for quite some time. That liquor leaves a malodor thats extremely hard to absorb.

Pic actually looks like from one of those numerous rotten sites and the ad a bad joke ..

By

European Dream, at 2:40 PM

woah that pic is disgusting. i can picture the corpse with arms and fingers curled up... yechh! any ways on a lighter note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY K-MACK from Germany!

By

Richard, at 2:50 PM

That's just nasty...

btw, are you accepting applications for a new roommate?

By

sarah, at 2:59 PM

I guess on the bright side the stains really highlight to the potential buyer how uneven the tiles were set down.

You wouldn't want to be tripping in your creepy house of death now would you?

By

Caramello, at 5:57 PM

Oh that's gross. Granted, Nevada is pretty relaxed on some things, but in most states that kind of thing has to be cleaned up by professionals before it's considered safe for habitation because it's a biohazard.

By

Anonymous, at 10:36 PM

please let those not be insects on the floor

By

Erika, at 7:25 PM

Eewww...yuck. That pool of blood/muck at the bottom looks like John Wayne in profile.
Bugs? Or kinda looks like kitty litter?

By

lola, at 9:38 PM

Dan,
I hope this doesn’t mean the end of Planetdan without KMack. How will we go on with our our regular blogs of KMack?? Hope she finds a home close to your or wait a minute, maybe KMack could find a home with an in-law apartment for you Dan!!

By

Yolel, at 11:03 AM

that's why everyone should have a couple dogs...

By

Anonymous, at 11:36 AM

It's the end of an era!

Best of luck to you both and Happy B-day to K-Mack!!

By

Anonymous, at 10:09 AM

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