planetdan

Thursday, April 19, 2007 :::

Nobody likes a clown.

Like most people, the majority of my worst childhood memories involve clowns. Likewise, the majority of embarrassing pictures from my youth involve me dressed as a clown:

The picture above was taken after a particularly grueling day of handing out Slo-Poke suckers to kids who weren't all that much younger than I was at the annual neighborhood church fair. My mother was in charge of the "clowns" at the St. Al's Fun Fair every year and since no one else was interested in participating, she mostly had to recruit her own family members to don the wigs, face paint, and costumes. The reason I am not wearing a wig in the picture is because some drunken church fair brutes had snatched if off my head and then forced me to play Pickle in the Middle with the wig to get it back. But I wasn't a very good pickle, and it wasn't easy to jump or run in the clown costume under the steamy July sun, so the hooligans ended up running off with the wig and tossing it into the dunk tank. I spent the rest of my church fair clowning career wigless.

I'm still a tad bitter about it, but to get my revenge, and for purely cathartic reasons, I like to photoshop clown make-up onto people I know, like I did for my Dad's birthday:

Freaks them out every time. I think a great idea would be to photoshop clown make-up onto photos of all of my coworkers, and then slip the photos into their purses or under their keyboards so that they would accidentally find them when they least expected it. I don't think I can imagine anything more disturbing than seeing yourself in clown make-up. Believe me, I know.

Speaking of clown jokes, this one has always been one of my favorites.

::: posted by dan at 12:30 PM :: [ link ] :: (13) comments

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13 previous comments:

yeah, when i was little and when Stephen Kings "It" came out, i was scared to death of that freakin' clown

By

Richard, at 2:02 PM

Funny coincidence...
Last weekend, my mother-in-law presented to the family clown ice cream cones from Baskin Robbins for my birthday (which I share with her husband). Little did she know I HATE CLOWNS. She was mortified.

I posted about it, complete with a picture of a similar ice cream clown. She was not happy.

By

rae, at 2:17 PM

d live to see a clown photoshopping tutorial

By

hubs, at 2:27 PM

I cannot stand clowns. I think it stems from watching "Poltergeist" too many times.

By

Stacy B, at 2:44 PM

HAHAHAHA!!! It's a VAGINA, not a clown car!!!! That is fantastic!!! Thanks Dan!!!

By

CampBlood, at 2:46 PM

Hmm...finding a picture of yourself in clown makeup quietly hiding under your keyboard and not only fearing the picture itself but also the creator...diabolical and marvelous.

By

Anonymous, at 4:38 PM

You're twisted and sick. I love it.

By

Debbye, at 2:26 AM

pickle in the middle? i always thought it was piggy...isn't it? maybe that's an australian thing? meh, who knows. and why all the hatred directed at clowns, they're great.

By

Ems, at 9:54 AM

we've always called it Monkey in the Middle - which is besides the point.

my inital reaction was that you're REALLY opening yourself up to FATTY with "Pickle in the Middle", Dan...

By

Rebecca, at 10:09 AM

all clowns are queer as a football bat. Dan are you a clown?

FATTY

By

Anonymous, at 11:01 AM

Twenty bucks says that mom in that photo is pregnant again.

And you did a really good job with the photo shop, I thought it was real and your dad was takin' a break from his clowning and having a cold one in the beer garden, or maybe a roast beef sandwich.

By

KMack, at 12:06 PM

KMack, I'm pretty sure I saw five minutes of a TLC special on that family in the photo, and at the time of the special they had 16 kids, so yes, she was probably pregnant in that picture.

By

Zoe, at 7:14 AM

I was never afraid of clowns, they were always more of a non-factor for me (except that I still love Bozo)...we never really did the circus or parades much growing up. However Dan, you have now added a new clown face...the creepy clown. I am so glad you don't work in my office and that my keyboard should be safe!

By

Trudy, at 2:39 PM

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