Monday, April 23, 2007 :::
I was sick all weekend, so last night night I took some Tylenol PM in attempt to recuperate some strength for Monday morning. Subsequently, I woke up with space brain, which is a side effect of Tylenol PM that seems to magically combine the foggy confusion of a hangover with the hyper-alertness of an amphetamine. But I needed to focus my thoughts for an important client meeting, so unfortunately I decided that adding caffeine into the mix was a super idea. I don't normally drink coffee in the morning and when I do it really affects me. So after two brimming cupfuls of pure black java, my space brain condition had evolved into a twitchy, sweaty amalgam of hyper-real, blissful euphoria and utter mental retardation. In other words, my eyes were plastered wide open, but any form of cognitive concentration was impossible.
I somehow survived the meeting with my dignity in tact (so say my coworkers) and headed home, deciding to stop at Burger King along the way (shut up, I crave it sometimes). The lunch-crowd drive-thru line was long, but the anticipation of savory onion rings made it possible to endure the wait, especially since my brain still couldn't hold a proper thought for longer than two seconds and I was able to easily entertain myself by obsessively adjusting the side-view mirrors. Upon my arrival at the payment/food-exchange window, I greeted the cashier with a big toothy grin and an enthusiastic hello. She gave me my diet coke, I gave her my money, she returned my change, and I promptly drove away, completely forgetting to wait for my food.
I didn't realize my mistake until halfway home, when I blindly reached over to snatch a steamy onion ring from the bag, but my grasping hand couldn't find its prize. It took me a few minutes to realize that this was because I had left the drive-thru window prematurely. I was moderately shocked by my foolishness. Fortunately, the effects of my Tylenol/Coffee cocktail seemed to completely eradicate any sense of shame, so I calmly turned around and drove back to correct my mistake.
But the drive-thru line was still long, and my mouth sorely needed an onion ring, so I parked and made the journey into the lobby on foot and waited in line until my turn at the counter, where I tried to explain to the cashier that I required a free burger and onion ring combo due to the fact that I had mistakenly left my purchase at the drive-thru fifteen minutes earlier. She was understandably confused, and not exactly as familiar with English as I am, so it took some convincing and some helpful explanation from a coworker before I was finally rewarded with my lunch.
I was bemused when they made me a brand new bag with an entirely fresh combo meal. I had just assumed that I would be forced to accept my cold bag of food which was probably still sitting at the drive-thru window awaiting my return. Back at home, as my head eventually began to clear, I realized that my food had probably been given away to the next driver by mistake, causing a massive chain reaction of wrong orders to follow. Hopefully, the first cashier realized that my car had been replaced by another and was able to recover by delivering the correct meal to the next car in line. But if you were at the Hiawatha Burger King in Minneapolis today and you mistakenly received a Whopper Junior with no tomatoes instead of whatever wilty salad or chicken monstrosity you ordered, I truly do apologize, but it was Tylenol's fault.
That was a really long way of saying "I forgot my burger at the drive-thru window," which itself sounds like some bad country song title. It's almost midnight now, but I'm still way too wired for sleep.
::: posted by dan at 11:53 PM :: [ link ] :: (18) comments
18 previous comments:
I had a horrible sinus infection this weekend, and the Benadryl pretty much just confined me to a bed for the first nice weekend of the year.
Tylenol PM never reacts well with anyone I've talked to. Should be banned.
By Bob, at 6:21 AM
favorite line... "I was able to easily entertain myself by obsessively adjusting the side-view mirrors."
I swear by Alka Seltzer Night Time Cold Medicine. It doesn't just let you sleep; it seems to cure the cold itself. I've heard it causes brain bleeding. whatever. Tylenol causes liver damage.
I'm a big Alka Seltzer fan. For a hangover, I do a fried egg and zofran (prescription), then I finish with a regular Alka Seltzer and a lay (missionary).
well, Dan and Bob, I hope you both feel better soon.
By , at 7:27 AM
Never had problems with Tylenol PM myself. But I completely understand the "can't hold a thought in my head" syndrome. Happens all the time when I'm sick/tired/hung-over. And you were right to go back and get that food. Your body probably forgot it was sick while trying to digest the chemically processed, polyunsaturated meal you ate.
By Kevdogg, at 8:51 AM
Odd. The active "sleep" ingredient in Tylenol PM is just Benedryl (Diphenhydramine HCl). I am surprised it has such a strong impact. I usually cheat and take plain old cheap Benedryl when I need a nudge into sleep.
By Jennifer, at 9:36 AM
I work at a McDonald's to help pay for my extravagantly priced "higher education" and you'd be surprised at how often this sort of situation happens. We're typically pretty hard on the people who drive away without their food, wondering how a person can wait so long for something and then just leave without it after forking over their cash, but I guess if they're all mixing drugs and suffering the after-effects of doing so, it becomes a little easier for me to be sympathetic.
By , at 1:35 PM
mmmmm daddy loves his tylenol pm
By , at 1:56 PM
just be happy you could get cold medicine!!!!! as most good cold medicine contains sudaeffadrine all the drugies are breaking into pharmacies here in australia and stealing it! to make the crack!
there are seriously thinking of banning all the cold medicines alltogether here! Just be sick they say! What will all my crack babies do???
By george86, at 2:33 PM
I was once given an entire sackful of egg mcmuffins once, after only having the money to order just one. So you might have done someone a favor today...a greasy, disgusting, quasi-food based favor.
By , at 2:34 PM
Poor Dan! I hope your feeling better.
By CampBlood, at 3:20 PM
Your best bet is to take 1 Tylenol PM just to make you sleepy and usually there's very little to no hangover in the morning.
As for the fast food thing, I've almost done that a few times. It usually happens when the window person give me my drink and leaves me alone for a few minutes. I sit there and after a few seconds of sipping my drink and changing the song on my iPod and then I have that moment where I ask myself the question, "did she already give me my food and I'm just sitting here?" I look over at my passenger side and usually there's no food sitting there. Whatevers.
By Debbye, at 3:54 PM
God bless you Dan, no one else could tell the story of forgetting to get their food at the drive in with such entertainemnt value. Your blog is a real treasure and a true source of entertainment. Thank you thank you thank you
By , at 5:16 PM
I hope you're feeling better. I've often wondered how to describe that condition, you did it perfectly. It was like I was sitting across that conference table looking at your tweaked out face. And the drive-thru, it was like you were smiling at me.
Glad your food was hot too!
By Trudy, at 9:17 AM
I think I would have been too embarrassed to go back to claim my food. I wouldn't want to try to explain why I drove off without it...
Actually, it sort of reminds me of those people you hear about once in a while, who drive off with the gas nozzle sticking out of their gas tanks.
The stupidest thing I've done recently is drive around for two days, thinking, "why is my car making a weird thumping noise? And why does it stop when the car stops?" I finally remembered to peek under and around the car when I got home, and it turns out I had been driving around with a flat tire. Brilliant, eh? And that was not drug-induced at all.
By , at 4:37 PM
My favorite line is the one 2nd to last. Dan, you're the best. And I hope you do write that song...
By , at 7:51 PM
I have to take just 1/2 a tylenol pm or have a terrible time getting up in the morning. Not that I have a big wig job though, I am just a stay at home mom so I can just sleep in...sorry to hear you were sick and hope you feel better, stay hot dan!
By , at 9:04 AM
I once nearly fell asleep standing up after taking one tylenol PM. That stuff is potent.That story was perfect blog material for you - don't you love it when that happens?
By Jen, at 11:26 AM
So, last night I needed to get to bed at a decent hour but had taken a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. As I reached for my tylenol pm bottle, I flashed to all of this concern over the dosage & hangovers. Thinking I'd be wise and only take one, I popped a single pill a bit after 10:00. I last saw the clock at 12:40. So, thanks to all of you for a not so restful night.
SLEEPLESS IN SC
By , at 3:44 PM
Don't be ashamed - i like burger king, too! but i've been boycotting McD's ever since i quit working there over 2 years ago. BK yes, McD no. and I'm sure you didn't confuse the drive-thru workers - they should have some type of (monitored) system like McD's does. i should know, i put up with it.
By Richard, at 5:14 PM
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