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Wednesday, May 11, 2005 :::

I watch too much TV apparently.

I had a dream last night that I was on the production crew for America's Next Top Model, and Tyra Banks declared that she required all of her crew to be "fierce", so she gave me a vase and told me to carry it back and forth across the room so that she could judge from my walk if I was fierce enough to work for her. I tried to be poised and model-esque, but I was tripping and just being generally uncoordinated and then my feet got caught up in a long cord from an iron that was on a nearby table, and I had to remove my pants to get out of the tangle. Not fierce at all. So Tyra was giving me one of her lame speeches about how hard this job is and about how I need to step up the competition when I noticed that K-mack was judging me too, and she said something like "When are we going to tell him? We should really tell him," and Tyra shouted "Now!" and that's when they swung open a door and there were crowds of people cheering for me outside. It was explained to me that the whole America's Next Top Model gig was just a ruse to distract me from the fact that they were planning a Miller Five reunion concert, a'la VH1's Bands Reunited show, and that I had to perform on the spot with my family in front of a big crowd. I was suprisingly excited to participate but I couldn't find my shoes. I ran around frantically looking for them, ignoring the fact that I still wasn't wearing pants, and then I ran outside and up to the stage entrance and was about to run out to face my adoring crowd when... my alarm went off.

I want desperately to know what song I was going to sing.

::: posted by dan at 1:17 PM :: [ link ] :: (7) comments Social Bookmark Button

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7 previous comments:

Oh, to be inside that head of yours for a few minutes...

By Blogger Will, at 1:31 PM  

It's true, I always think, What Would Tyra Do in this exact situation? (WWTD) Crazy rant at some slag? Heartfelt discussion about make-up and self-loathing with mentor? Learning how to pose in a photo? Check, check, and check.

That Tyra has a way of seeping into ones subconcious to motivate you to be as FIERCE as you can. You can't escape it.

I'm sure the song you and your family were going to be singing was "Eagle" by Abba. Either that or a really jazzy version of Miss Mary Mack with synchronized hand choreography, black light and all.

By Blogger brent, at 3:47 PM  

There is a strong possibility that you are my hero.

By Anonymous tori, at 5:31 PM  

Pynchon-esque. Media junkie!

By Blogger John, at 8:34 PM  

Chiquita Banana. That was the song you were going to sing.

By Blogger Trekgeekscott, at 7:12 AM  

Where's the Gilmore Girls update? What was with Kirk's chest? It freaked me out, put a towel on for pete's sake.

By Blogger stapler, at 12:36 PM  

That is awesome. I live in Sweden, and the 4th season of ANTM starts tonight. I can't wait.

By Anonymous georgiamars, at 9:09 AM  

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