planetdan

Wednesday, January 05, 2005 :::

Jailed Radical Muslim Hygiene

Today I read this article:

Toe nails keep terror suspect from court
LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Radical Muslim cleric Abu Hamza al-Masri failed to appear before a British court on Tuesday, complaining his toe nails were too long and he could not walk.

Then I thought, "Gimme a break, how bad can toe nails get?" A simple Google image search later and I had my answer (warning: kinda graphic and totally grody):
• Pretty Bad
• Pretty Darned Bad
• Really Pretty Very Darned Bad

Who knew that "Toenails" would be the most disturbing Google image search I've ever done. Sorry.

Speaking of which, I stepped on something hard and crusty while barefoot in the gym locker room the other day. I looked at the bottom of my foot to investigate and it was someone's nasty toe nail clipping. I practically passed out. In a panic, I batted it away with my towel. Thank god it didn't break the skin or I would've had to perform an emergency foot amputation.

::: posted by dan at 1:54 PM :: [ link ] :: (17) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

17 previous comments:

Dan is always very careful when he clips his toes nails, always stacking them neatly in a pile on the arm of the sofa. Some people can be so inconsiderate.

By

Kristina, at 1:49 PM

However, in Abu's defense, he *is* missing both arms AND an eye...most guys I've dated have trouble with the whole toenail situation and they posess all of their faculties.

By

annie, at 1:53 PM

EEEEWWWWWWW! You walk around barefoot in the men's locker room? And all you're worried about is a stray toenail? Gross, Gross, Gross, Gross, Gross.

By

Anonymous, at 3:21 PM

Proof once again that you're not the neat freak you think you are as neat freaks don't clip their toes in the living room.

By

hot babe, at 3:46 PM

So those are nasty! But does anyone else see a face in image two? You have to tilt your head to the left and stare for a second, well if you can. ugh!

By

Anonymous, at 4:57 PM

Didn't you read the stories of Britney Spears going into gas station bathrooms barefoot? Gross. In your defense, I would hope the gym locker room is cleaner than gas station bathrooms.

By

stapler, at 5:31 PM

So gross!! Both the pics AND the gym story. I don't blame you for the freak out-I would have disinfected my foot regardless...

ps-would've posted earlier but those pictures made me vurp a little. Ack!

By

lynne, at 6:41 PM

There is a point, between drying off from showering and putting on your underwear when you are required to take off your sandals. It was at that point that I stepped on the toe nail. I do not, in fact, walk around the gym locker room in my bare feet.

By

dan, at 10:02 PM

...and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

By

stapler, at 10:11 PM

Looking at this blog right before mealtime has become quite the effective diet strategy.

And yet I just. Can't. Stop.

By

S&J, at 10:30 PM

About two years ago I got an ingrown left big toenail. That first picture was pretty much how it looked the first couple days after "nail surgery". The procedure entailed shooting up my foot with enough novacaine to kill a cat, and then diggin in with a pair of tin snips (honestly, I am sure they were surgical shears or something, but they closely resembled tin snips) and clipping out the nail roots that were overgrowing. Painful - absolutely. Gross - for sure. Man, I hope it never happens to my right big toe. Thanks for the memory.

By

pierre, at 11:04 PM

I see it! The face in image two. Wow, if only it looked a little more like Jesus. Just think of the big bucks that nail could bring in off e-bay.

Love your blog Dan. I read in on you about 3 times a week just to see what's happening in your head.

By

Anonymous, at 11:35 PM

Dan-during the awkward naked-to-underwear, no-flip-flop stage, simply stand on the flip-flops.

You'll avoid any contact with the nasty gym floor and potential foot-piercing nail clippings.

By

Anonymous, at 9:53 AM

Ick. Ick. Ick. But, yeah -- it is good strategy to do the "stand on flipflops" thing when you do not want your feet to touch the floor. I've even mastered the balancing on one leg (whose foot remains in the flipflop), then switching to the other. Works like a charm. I would vomit if I stood on someone's disgusting nail. Ick.

By

Kiddo78, at 10:02 AM

Dan - I must agree that flip-flops are an inexpensive necessity for locker room visits. Or you could do what I saw a lady do once at the Westside YMCA on 63th street in New York. She came into the locker room and chose a locker near me. She opened the locker, hung up her tote, opened it, took out a box of plastic wrap, and proceeded to hermetically seal things. The floor of her locker, the small stool nearby, and the floor in front of her locker. Very tidy. I, of course, took all this in as discreetly as possible, with (I'm sure) a look of puzzlement and awe on my face.

By

Anonymous, at 2:17 PM

Hey I spy another comment confession up there of someone loving you or your blog! They're on the rise!

I didn't click on picture 3 - couldn't do it.

My gym strategy post-shower was to stand on the tiny towel I brought as a "sweat towel" to use while working out. Kinda gross - but not as gross as stepping on the floor - and not as awkward as stanging on wet flip flops.

By

Biglug, at 2:28 PM

That second one makes my mouth water cos it looks a little like a pork-scratching.

Am I going to hell for that?

By

thatratherfatman, at 8:59 AM

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