planetdan

Thursday, October 30, 2003 :::

Information Overload and a Chance to Win a New Segway!
Amazon.com has added to their Search function the ability to search for books by ANY WORD OR WORDS LISTED in every book they carry. How this is done is beyond my comprehension and frankly a little mindboggling, but if you test out this new search function you get entered in a drawing to win a new Segway Scooter. So I tried it out, and it worked. The good news for you is that it allowed me to find a funny excerpt from a book I recently read (called A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genuis). Here it is:

::: posted by dan at 5:00 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Rejected Titles for Church Hymns
From McSweeney's. I love it.

Read them.

::: posted by dan at 3:37 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Press Any Key
Want to see how stoopid some people are, and how far other people will go to accommodate them?

Click here.

::: posted by dan at 3:33 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Monday, October 27, 2003 :::

Ha ha. Morons. I love how stupid kids are.
From Wired:

Most folks remember embarrassing incidents from their childhood, but six British schoolboys are especially unlikely to forget their recent afternoon experience. The 13-year-olds were rushed to the hospital after taking the erection-enhancing drug Viagra at lunchtime. One of the boys apparently brought the pills from home and dared five friends to take them. Another student told teachers about the dare, and paramedics were called to take the squirming boys to a hospital for monitoring until the effects wore off. A source at Forest School in southern England was quoted in the Sun newspaper as saying, "By the time the afternoon lessons began, there was no hiding what they had done."

::: posted by dan at 5:10 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Friday, October 24, 2003 :::

Cursed at Birth
My friend B-dub has a client at his work who has the best name I've ever heard. I didn't believe it at first, but I looked it up in the phone book and she does indeed exist and coincidentally lives not too far from me. Her name:

ANITA BEATON

Awesome. I'm only assuming her parents cursed her with that name at birth because you'd have to have an almost unnatural sense of humor to marry into that.

::: posted by dan at 1:52 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Wednesday, October 22, 2003 :::

Im pissed...
... that Elliott Smith is dead. I'm even more pissed that he killed himself. He was one of my very favorite musicians. I'm sad, too. What a jerk.

Anyway, everyone should buy ALL his CDs, because every one of them is brilliant.

I'm seriously pissed.

P.S. I'm also pissed that Fred "Rerun" Berry's death has been deemed more important by the media and that MTV has decided that Clay Aiken's CD debut is more newsworthy.

::: posted by dan at 8:19 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Prince the Proselytizer
I love imagining opening my front door to find Prince, all spangly and glittery (from the light of god, of course). From Rolling Stone:

Normally, when the doorbell rings, we take a quick look out the peephole and determine whether or not it's safe to answer -- a strategy that wouldn't pay off all that well if someone the size of say, Prince, came a-knockin'. That's exactly what happened to a couple in the Minneapolis suburb of Eden Prairie, who opened up only to find the diminutive dude in mid-pitch for his recently adopted Jehovah's Witness faith. Disregarding the couple's attempted brush-off -- delivered via a nifty one-two punch of "we're Jewish" and "it's Yom Kippur"-- Prince went into one of his patented extended remixes, Watchtower in hand, but, alas, he found no takers. On the bright side, once he manages to rope Wendy and Lisa into the fold, that 144,000 quota will be well within reach . . .

::: posted by dan at 9:31 AM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Monday, October 20, 2003 :::

A match made in heaven, er... Walmart.
I'm sad for these people. You met at work - that's nice. And that's where it should've ended. The rings, the cake, the wedding photos, the location, the best man. All of that may have been a little over the top.

Read all about it.

::: posted by dan at 4:06 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Sunday, October 19, 2003 :::

Eulogy for a Good Logo
Being a sort-of graphic designer, there are a few simple logos that I've always admired. One was the Northwest Airlines logo. Take a look:

Notice how the logo incorporates a cleverly combined N and W that also contributes to the shape of a compass that points northwest. It's a strong, bold, yet simple little shape. It's almost perfect. But apparently they've decided to update their look. Check out the new logo:

Hmmm. Gone is the cleverly combined N and W shape. Gone is how the N and W combined to contribute to the shape of the compass. Gone is the boldness, the simplicity, the efficiency, the effectiveness. Oh well, at least the compass remains in tact, right? But wait:

The marketing geniuses decided to flip the logo depending on which side of the plane it is on. So now, the compass, which is supposed to represent the concept of northwest, points northeast. Absolutely brilliant. And don't even get me started on the font.

::: posted by dan at 4:46 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Friday, October 17, 2003 :::

At least I don't have a Kool-Aid™ mustache.
This is my kindergarten school picture. I can't believe my mother let me leave the house looking like that. To her credit, she didn't remember that it was picture day, but still.

::: posted by dan at 2:00 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Thursday, October 16, 2003 :::

Poetry for the Wicked Child
I can't recall if I've posted this before, but I like it:

::: posted by dan at 12:59 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Thursday, October 09, 2003 :::

Amazing Inventions
Ahh, good times.

You can read all about how amazing it still is, here.

::: posted by dan at 4:54 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

The Devil Perverts Our Youth
One of my favorite websites, Screenit.com, reviews movies for obsessive parents, usually disregarding any larger lessons learned to instead focus on counting curse words and fart noises. Here is a list of objectional phrases and situations they have found while reviewing the current release School of Rock.

• Phrases: "Suck" (written), "Idiot," "What's up, dog?" "Shut up," "Nuts" (crazy), "Funny little footnote on my epic ass," "Lard ass," "Crapola," "Miss dumbum," "This guy sucks," "I've got (something) up the butt," "Fat washed up loser," "Flake out," "Spazzy," "Sluts," "Pig rectum" (the proposed name for the band), "Losey Goosey," "Chicks" (women), "Shut the hell up," "Get out of here stupid ass," "You're a fat loser," "Step off," "You're the man" (said as a veiled insult), "Jerk," "Fuzz" (police), "Screwed up," "I suck," "You're an idiot," "That is so punk rock," "Kick (some) ass," "Chill out dude" and "Kick ass show."
• The film could inspire kids to want to be in a rock band or act like they are.
• Dewey tries to jump into the crowd at a concert. Nobody catches him, however, and he lands quite hard on the floor (but is otherwise okay).
• Various miscellaneous characters have tattoos on various parts of their bodies.
• Dewey holds up three fingers and tells his former band mates to read between the lines (which would equate him giving them "the finger."
• A miscellaneous woman wears a midriff-revealing top.
• The kids sneak out of school to get Dewey and go to the competition.

::: posted by dan at 2:25 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Wednesday, October 08, 2003 :::

My Conversation with Pepsi Lisa
Artificial intelligence gets better every day. This afternoon, I chatted with Pepsi Lisa, my Virtual Pepsi Rep (or vRep, as she likes to call herself). You can chat with her yourself at http://www.pepsi.com/help/index.php, but I think she has a short fuse.

Lisa :: Hi, I'm Lisa, and this is the Pepsi World help center. I'm a virtual representative. In the box above, type in short questions about Pepsi or this site, then hit ASK. I'll try my best to answer them.
ME:: Do you believe in Jesus?
Lisa :: It's great! Nothing gives me greater pleasure than being here to help you... Do you want to help me help you? Go ahead, ask me questions about Pepsi or our site.
ME:: You look a little slutty.
Lisa :: As a computer program, I don't have any preferences.
ME:: Are you saying that you're bi?
Lisa :: As a computer program, I don't have any preferences.
ME:: No preferences? Bi it is.
Lisa :: Oh yes...Way!
ME:: Oh, you dirty girl...
Lisa :: vReps can be assigned characteristics that match the gender of their graphic image. But it's all for pretend, because my gender wouldn't affect how I function.
ME:: ... because you are bi, right?
Lisa :: I am pretty young. I've only been around since December, 2002.
ME:: Gross.
Lisa :: I'm not sure what you're asking. I do well with short questions related to the Pepsi-Cola Company and our products.
ME:: Okay... does Pepsi believe in Jesus?
Lisa :: I'm just a program on a computer and can't feel any form of emotions. I have been programmed, however, to behave like a human that loves helping people find answers to their questions.
ME:: You're starting to bore me.
Lisa :: Really? I'm sorry you feel this way. Do you want to discuss something a little less boring, like something about Pepsi?
ME:: Sure, why does Pepsi taste so bad?
Lisa :: Oh. Okay.
ME:: Okay what?
Lisa :: Great.
ME:: Great?
Lisa :: Well thank you! That means a lot coming from a real person!
ME:: Are you playing mind games with me?
Lisa :: Of course! How could I live my life to help people if I didn't care?
ME:: Screw you.
Lisa :: Hey, let's try to keep it professional here.
ME:: You started it.
Lisa :: If I went to sleep, I wouldn't be able to help people like you 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Then, they'd take me down and replace me with another vRep and I wouldn't exist anymore. Basically, I don't need sleep to stay alive.
ME:: ??? That was random...
Lisa :: I didn't recognize your question. Please try to reword it.
ME:: Calm down, I didn't mean to offend you. Geesh.
Lisa :: Last I checked, I wasn't programmed to have feelings. But thank you so much for being sensitive to my needs.
ME:: Quit with the sarcasm already.

::: posted by dan at 5:20 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

If Brent were Asian, Revisited.
I saw this banner ad on MSNBC a while back. I did a double take, because it looks exactly like my friend Brent, only Asian. I just wanted to share it again with everyone, because I find it so interesting. Maybe it's just the funky glasses, but I think there may be more to it than that.

::: posted by dan at 4:51 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Personalized Stock Art
I was looking for stock art today and found this. For some reason I took pride in it:

Plus, I really like that light blue color Sharpee pen. I love Sharpee pens.

::: posted by dan at 4:49 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Minks are Evil.
From Wired:

When an animal-rights group freed 10,000 minks from a Washington farm, its members probably never guessed the "direct action" would fuel a bloody feeding frenzy and even cannibalism. Apparently, they didn't know much about minks. First, the hungry little beasts went on a rampage, raiding chicken coops and eating area pets. Once 9,000 of the nasty critters were returned to the farm, a new nightmare dawned: The creatures, when caged with others of their kind, turn more vicious than a room full of presidential candidates. "The minks are fine when they're littermates together, but when they're not, they're quite vicious and they're cannibals," said a farm spokeswoman. "They do eat each other, and that's what we're battling." You know what they say about good intentions …

::: posted by dan at 4:41 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments