planetdan

Monday, November 16, 2009 :::

My Dilemma

So I've gotten myself into a little dilemma RE: The Big Box of Porn (BBOP) I Found in My Garbage. It's just sitting in the back of my closet collecting dust and I've started to worry about the hopefully-unlikely event of my untimely death due to some unforeseen accident or terrorist attack. It's just begging to be discovered by some unsuspecting innocent relative as they battle through their grief to clean out my house, and how would I ever be able to explain myself from beyond the grave?

But seriously, none of my friends seem want the BBOP (or maybe they just don't want to admit that they want the BBOP). I've only received one reader request for the BBOP, but I started thinking about that option and the question arose: What if he's just some pimply 15-year-old kid pretending to be of legal age, and I go and ship the box off to him, and his mom intercepts this BBOP from dan in Minneapolis addressed to her adolescent son? Not good.

I can't put it up on Craigslist because I don't want some creepy porn perv coming to my house to collect the goods, and I certainly don't want to venture out of the house with the BBOP to make a delivery.

It seems that the only real option is to allow the BBOP to be destroyed or to be hauled away with the worthless refuse, which is unfortunate. But I don't want to put it back in my own garbage because god knows who might find it there or what the garbage man might think (besides "jackpot!"), and I don't want to shove it in someone else's garbage and force them into the same dilemma in which I find myself right now.

I could find some sort of public trash option, but that seems a little too out in the open, and I don't know anyone who lives in an apartment who might be able to anonymously dispose of the thing.

I could throw them away one-at-a-time I suppose, buried deep within the trash and surrounded by a dozen dirty Lean Cuisine containers. But that just seems like such an awful, shameful way to die. What did the BBOP ever do to deserve such a fate?

Seriously. What am I supposed to do with this BBOP? It's becoming a real burden. I see some sort of Aesop Fable hidden somewhere in this tale, something slightly askew of the "careful what you wish for..." school of thought.

::: posted by dan at 12:59 PM :: [ link ] :: (11) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

11 previous comments:

If you could overcome fear of driving with BBOP, I say drop it off in front of a frat house.

By

Joy, at 3:57 PM

i would actually pay to have you ship it to me. It will make like 30 awesomely akward xmas gifts!!

email me if that is the answer you come to.

By

sarah, at 4:35 PM

Can't you just set it outside an adult bookstore? Sort of like how the library sometimes has a box of cruddy old free books outside?

By

Anonymous, at 9:25 PM

Drop it off at the Goodwill store. They have bored employees *AND* VCRS!

By

Anonymous, at 7:40 AM

don't all your unsuspecting innocent relatives read your blog? it's likely they already know about the BBOP.

we all do - so why not craigslist 'free' it. and do a 'curb alert' for some alley somewhere and have the dirty old man come pick it up there instead of your clean, respectable house?

By

jef, at 8:53 AM

Exactly.
Or drop it off on a college campus where dumpster diving is accepted. People will take it, no doubt about it.

By

Anonymous, at 11:11 AM

no. i'm entirely serious. send it down. I'm thinking there is a viewing party/drinking game in my future.

By

sarah, at 10:09 PM

I'm weighing my options. I'll definitely consider your offer, especially since I know you would appreciate them.

By

dan, at 10:17 PM

list it on craigslist and hand it off at a neutral location like a mcdonalds or something.

verification: pr0n it

By

Anonymous, at 12:57 PM

dan, i have a party every valentine's day, that serves to relieve everyone of their "prawn". it's an exchange, technically, but anonymous donations are always accepted. will pick up...and offer an invite as exchange, if you like.

please post what you ended up choosing.

By

rhubygirl, at 4:03 PM

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