Thursday, November 05, 2009 :::
I went to toss out some garbage the other day, and sitting right on top of a week's worth of trash was this big box of old-school pornography videos:
I immediately assumed that the old coot across the alley was using my trash bin to get rid of his pornography stash without tipping off his old lady. Or maybe someone else in the neighborhood was finally making the upgrade to DVD. Regardless, I had to make the decision: rescue the videos from my garbage or let the sanitation department dispose of them as someone clearly intended.
Having worked in a video store for almost five years in my youth, I know much more about old Triple-X videos than necessary, and I could tell that some of these videos in particular were classics, starring the likes of John Holmes and Ron Jeremy. It seemed like a shame to send them off to the landfill. But on the other hand, I'm not exactly a porn video type of guy, and rescuing them would mean: a) reaching into my garbage can, and b) touching somebody else's porn collection. Neither of which seemed very appealing or advisable to me.
And yet, I reached into the garbage can.
I have one friend in particular who I thought would be thrilled to adopt the big box of mystery pornography, but to my surprise he was not interested. "Who even owns a VCR anymore?" was his ungrateful reply. And he's right. So now I got a big box of pornography videos hidden in my closet like a guilty teenager or something, and I have no idea what to do with them. Plus I'm afraid to touch them.
Any ideas? Or, should I take a vote:
Vote A for: Throw them back in the trash where they belong, you freak.
Vote B for: Hold onto them until you can find a grateful recipient.
Vote C for: OMG can I have them please? Send them to:
P.S. I'll hate to see what this post does to my Google Ads.
P.P.S. Sky Pies. LOL.
::: posted by dan at 9:30 PM :: [ link ] :: (20) comments
20 previous comments:
I vote for throw them out - but I'd dump them in a dumpster at an apartment complex to preserve the good opinion of my sanitation worker.
By Va, at 10:06 AM
Donate them here
By , at 10:11 AM
secretly send one at a time to random or not so random friends
Word Verification: comenge
By jg_38, at 10:41 AM
Just admit it Daniel, they're yours. Denial is a deadly beast.
By , at 11:41 AM
I thought you were gonna do a secret front porch drop-off! I like that idea the best.
By , at 12:27 PM
I'll take 'em!
By , at 3:12 PM
WTF are "sky pies"???
By , at 2:13 PM
Who DOES own a VCR any more???!!!
(word verification "missee" - which i'm sure was the title of some old porn video...)
By , at 3:47 PM
I bet they were punkin you and they now have video of you not only checking the porn out at the trash can but actually picking up the box and bringing them into your house!!
By , at 11:11 PM
Put an ad on craigslist! I'm sure there's some grateful old fogey who would love some classic VCR porn!
By , at 1:22 PM
Whatever you do with the tapes, keep Taboo II!
As a fan of Adam Carolla on Loveline, he would regularly delight in his fondness of "Taboo II", which has a ridiculous plot line of mother/son incest, as well as a theme song called "If You Only Knew" that is a perfect time-capsule of the 1970's, in it being simultaneously precious and perverse. ...and it's on YouTube!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_9peBUo8VM
It also has a groovy disco song during one hump scene called "Gotta Get It On" ...also on YouTube!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_CsZVbdVkI
It's great fun — give it a watch!
By Down10, at 5:15 PM
You are correct about the ads. The very best part was reading the post and seeing one add for "odor lock" garbage bags and one for Gutter Helmet.
By , at 9:28 PM
Is T-Bone the ungrateful 'one friend in particular?'
And where is T-Bone??
word verif: mundio. Sounds like a Harry Potter spell to make things, you know, mundane.
By , at 7:54 AM
Down 10 is a perv.
Daniel, I think you should give these to T-Bone, he would love them.
By , at 3:55 PM
Put on your rubber gloves and...throw them back in the trash where they belong, you freak!
By , at 3:13 PM
Oh.. send them to me in New Zealand, we've only just got VCR technology, and I've been reading about this porn thing you americans are so fond of!
By , at 4:09 PM
easy solution: send them to jason mulgrew. i'm thinking he'd appreciate them.
By , at 6:29 PM
I'm sick of looking at your big box of porn Dan. New posts! New posts!!
By , at 8:25 AM
That was cool of Jason to take a moment out of his pre-moving activities to post on your blog. You should totally send him the porn.
By Natalie, at 5:54 PM
start watching them.. lifelasting lessons from j.holmes ... lol
By Rierdon B, at 5:00 PM
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