Monday, June 15, 2009 :::
Yesterday at the Mall of America, this dood was running around in full-body spandex and jumping in water fountains:
He gurgled and burped and sounded like Emo Philips mixed with Gomer Pyle. He'd bathe himself in fountain water until the mall cops would come sniffing around. Then he'd start running around in evasive circles, as if suffering from palsy, leaving wet footprints in his wake. All the Japanese tourists seemed to love it. I was baffled.
And while we're on the subject of baffling surrealism, I had a dream last night that I won some prestigious poetry contest by penning the following limerick. In the dream, I had to read it in front of a fawning audience with incredible pretension and utter sincerity, like it was the most important poem ever written. I was even in a tux. It moved the audience to tears:
I always carry a spit,
For the people who don't care a bit,
For a ring and a dime,
I'll surrender my time,
But if moon were my surface, I'd quit.
For the record, the "spit" being referenced was the type you might roast a pig on, and the "For a ring and a dime, I'll surrender my time," phrase makes me sound like some sort of whore, but the rest is beyond me. Sleeping brains are effed up. Please analyze and interpret. Thanks in advance.
::: posted by dan at 5:10 PM :: [ link ] :: (3) comments
3 previous comments:
"I always carry a spit,
For the people who don't care a bit"
This refers to those who appear indifferent to you like those whose approval you sought from the stage during Karaoke the other weekend. You wish them dead.
"For a ring and a dime,
I'll surrender my time,"
So much do you wish to be loved you will prostitute yourself cheap but refuse to go so far as to provide the toys and accoutrements demanded by your "suitors". You have your pride.
"But if moon were my surface, I'd quit."
You are concerned about the size of your butt. On the other hand, if you were on the moon all the above would be moot. You are paranoid, but only when you have an audience.
I hope this helps.
(BTW: I do not think your butt is too big if photos are any indication.)
By , at 12:22 PM
Dang! I miss all the good events at the mall!
By me, at 5:38 PM
Well, I don't worry about the size of my butt too often, so that last line is probably misinterpreted, but A for Effort on the other lines!
By dan, at 10:50 AM
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