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Monday, June 30, 2008 :::

8 Beans or Less

As an extra special treat, I brought some sugar-free jelly beans to a recent employee meeting. My coworker expressed surprise and said something about how I was being risky, and I was confused as to why she would say such a random thing. "Risky how?" I asked, so she whispered gently back, "those sugar-free things will give you diarrhea."

I was incredulous, but she directed me to a warning right on the package:

8 beans or less. I wonder if that ninth bean would send you over the edge? Luckily, I had only consumed three before the truth was revealed to me.

Now, I'd heard of fat-free potato chips and things causing "anal leakage", but this was new to me. Who eats just 8 beans? Why would anyone who knew this ever buy these beans? Why would they even manufacture them in the first place? Who on earth wants to eat diarrhea beans? Are the 50 calories you might save by choosing sugar-free over the regular old Jelly Bellies really worth getting butt rockets?

I think not.

::: posted by dan at 5:14 PM :: [ link ] :: (16) comments Social Bookmark Button

Comments are Closed On this Post

16 previous comments:

The worst part is 1 serving = 35 pieces? Are you SERIOUS? That's 4x over the legal limit!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:05 PM  

Aren't you glad you didn't have to learn the hard way?


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:15 AM  

While I'm sure stuff sweetened with sugar alcohol like maltitol gives some people diarrhea, I think the much more common reaction is gas. At least that's the reaction my husband and I have to it. :-) But we have to eat a lot more of it than that to even get gas.

By Blogger Zoe, at 8:15 AM  

This is pretty common in a lot of sugar free/diabetic friendly candies, especially chocolates. Russel Stover sells individually wrapped chocolates that are sweetened with sugar alcohol, and they will do the same thing.

The good news is that tolerance will increase as you're exposed to it. My family is full of diabetics, so we have crap like this around a lot. Over time, it will take more and more to result in, uh, bad things.

By Blogger Brian, at 1:16 PM  

Oh yes, beware! It took me 2 tries with sugar-free gummy bears to learn an embarrassing, gurgly lesson.

By Blogger Jon, at 1:31 PM  

Also, beware Coke Zero. Does the same thing to some people - me included.

By Blogger CoreyH, at 6:21 PM  

Ugh, yeah. You have to be careful with those.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:02 PM  

okay, this is a comment from a lady to you gentlemen out there. I have noted the small print warnings on the Viagra commercials suggest that one seek medical assistance if they have an erection for 4hrs or more.

Question: Does this mean 3hrs 59min is NORMAL?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:14 PM  

I wouldn't say it's ABnormal.

By Blogger dan, at 3:12 PM  

I used to go to a candy store in the mall called Mr. Bulky. Seriously. Anyway, I'd get a big bag of sugar free salt water taffy and then wonder why I was doubled over in pain when I went to bed later that evening...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:17 PM  

It's eight or FEWER. Oh, the grammar mistakes we must endure...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:19 PM  

This post has been removed by the author.

By Blogger Trudy, at 12:40 PM  

Does anyone else see an episode of "The Office" in the making here?

By Blogger Trudy, at 12:54 PM  

hahahaha! this is the accompanying advert down the side of the post!

Who Wants A Flat Stomach?

This New Colon Cleanse Is Step 1. Get Your Risk-Free Trial And See!

hahaha! guess eight beans would be cheaper!

By Anonymous Robin, at 5:48 PM  

I agree. It took me only once to learn this lesson the...violent...way with sugar free gummy bears that were sent to me in a care package, after eating wings and jalepeno poppers for lunch, mind you. I just sat at work munching away idly for hours, then all of a sudden.........

By Blogger Tamara, at 2:22 AM  

OMG. Same thing with the Lifesavers, as I just found out last night. I am home sick today, didn't sleep a wink! I ate too many Lifesavers and now I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck! The most EXPLOSIVE movements ever, I'm sure my neighbors heard the comotion! The pain of the stomache cramps and the gurgling drove me mad! I lost 2 lbs though! Of water!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:06 PM  

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