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Sunday, May 07, 2006 :::

Willie Aames is the devil.

Book orders were awesome in elementary school. Once a month, we'd receive a single sheet of full-color newsprint with countless books and children's publications from which to choose. (Proof that childhood reading pays off: I refused to end that last sentence in a preposition, regardless of how awkward it sounds in its proper format).

Every three months or so, my mom would give in to all my begging and allow me a two dollar limit. This left me few options, so I usually ended up ordering the latest issue of something called Peanut Butter magazine - a publication so beloved that I can't even seem to find any evidence online that it ever existed. All I remember is that one issue had a picture Scott Baio on the cover and I seem to recall it accompanying an article about the benefits of brushing your teeth.

I was reminded of all this because I found an old book on K-Mack's bookshelf the other day. It's totally Book Order fodder:

It basically lists out all of the "Super Stars" of late seventies/early eighties television, and then gives you their vital statistics.

For instance, did you know the Kristy McNichol, nicknamed "The Wiz", was a borderline OCD neat freak? Or that Jaclyn Smith has a passion for animal training? Anyway, you can read all about Melissa Gilbert, Pam Dawber, Penny Marshall, Dianne Kay (?), and so many more. It's awesome because it all serves as a build up to the grand finale: Henry Winkler. The way this book paints it, the Fonz was more popular than jesus.

But apparently, the book's owner was not a fan of Willie Aames.

I was more partial to Three's Company, myself.

::: posted by dan at 11:12 PM :: [ link ] :: (16) comments Social Bookmark Button

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16 previous comments:

I hate to fault you on a technicality, but I think it is far more likely that Willie Aames is the son of the devil, and not actually the devil himself. Of course, these things are notoriously difficult to prove.

By Anonymous Kat, at 12:08 AM  

Ah SO many memories. We had the same. There are still random Little House On The Praire and Donny & Marie books floating about my parents house.

My sister just hit a big nestolga wave and eBayed about 20 copies of "Dynomite" which was our book club magazine of choice. Want a Kristy McNicol centerfold? She's got it.

By Blogger elcynic, at 2:58 AM  

You know Willie Aimes dresses up like a superhero now. He's Bibleman... how lame can one get I ask you.

Google Bibleman, it's awful... really. Bad.

By Blogger the other sarah, at 9:03 AM  

I can't believe no one pointed out the great reference to the Rudolph claymation (was it clay? Feltmation?) Christmas special with the "Silver and Gold" eyecolor for poor Willie.
But...maybe I have too much time on my hands.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:57 AM  

Ah, book orders. *sigh* Those things rocked my world. My parents were stingy bastards that never gave me any money but luckily I was teachers pet (aka- a dork) and always had at least one teacher give me book order money, or book fair money whenever that was going on.

By Anonymous Darcy's Twin, at 11:37 AM  

The book belonged/belongs to my brother; I think maybe he was just a teensy bit jealous.

By Blogger Kristina, at 12:19 PM  

Book orders were better than Christmas and the day they arrived in the clasroom, I just could not contain my excitement. I do remember, however, that there were times when the orders were not complete or missed completely and that day sucked.

By Anonymous wonderment, at 12:21 PM  

"Silver and gold decorations, on every Christmas tree..."


By Blogger Elle Marie, at 2:30 PM  

OMG I LOVED Scott Baio. He and Shaun Cassidy.

Btw, they STILL have book orders at school. But alas, no more Chachi.

By Blogger Suz, at 3:25 PM  

I just remembered, I kissed my first boy at a book fair... I guess I liked the nerds... I believe it was next to the shelf with the "goosebumps" collection...

I think I was too young to get the irony of the first kiss/goosebumps thing though.

By Blogger the other sarah, at 5:46 PM  

I really liked Dynomite! magazine. Looking back I am embarrassed about having a subscription to Highlights (for children). I always wanted to see a copy of "Grit" which was some sort of entrepreneureal opportunity for readers of Boy's Life.

By Blogger Tommy T., at 10:18 AM  

Dude, this is totally off topic and you have no idea who I am, but we totally partied last night in my dream! I threw you a bday party.
I was all like "WTF?" when I woke up this morning...and that's probably the look you're giving the monitor right now.

By Anonymous Dulce, at 2:56 PM  

Well, I mean really...who *hasn't* dreamed of Dan?

By Anonymous Darcy's Twin, at 5:34 PM  

I like that all the statistics on willie have been changed except his height. Apparently being 5'6" is embarassing enough.

By Blogger Biglug, at 9:07 PM  

Not that this has anything to do with your newest post BUT I was just listening to the new Sufjan Stevens CD and I thought of you, I think I remeber you liking them. Thanks for giving me something to read while I am bored!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:07 PM  

I remember Dynomite, SuperMag, and Bananas magazines. I also remember having to order at least three books in order to get some weird poster of three scrawny white kittens in a basket. I hated cats then and I hate them now. I had to have that poster, though. Free stuff!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:40 PM  

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