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Thursday, April 13, 2006 :::

Meth Kills

I've had a sinus headache for a week, so yesterday I went to Wallgreens for some SudafedŽ. Apparently, SudafedŽ is a semi-controlled substance these days, so purchasing it requires permission from the pharmacist and you have to register in the "I'm Not a Meth-Head, I Swear It" book. I wasn't aware of this change in policy, so when I walked up to the pharmacy counter and requested two boxes of the illicit drug, the lady pharmacist practically gasped. "Oh no! You can't get TWO boxes of SudafedŽ!" So I lowered my request to one box, but it was too late, I had already aroused her suspicions. Then she asked for my ID, and when I gave it to her, she looked back at me with perplexed stupor and disappeared into the pharmacy dungeon. A minute later, a brand-new and even more concerned-looking pharmacist appeared.

"Sir, this ID says you are 6' 4" tall."
Turns out I had accidentally handed her T-Bone's expired license. This wasn't boding well for promoting an "I'm Not a Meth-Head, I Swear It" persona.

Forget the fact that I'm barely 5' 7", we don't even look remotely alike. (At this point you might ask yourself "Why does Dan carry around T's expired license?" but you'd have to know T-Bone to understand why it has come in handy on more than one occasion.)

I got flustered and stammered "Oh sorry, that's my friend's ID, here's mine." He furrowed his brow, took my license, and disappeared back into the dungeon for what seemed like an eternity. I was certain they were calling the cops, or "dropping a dime on me" as they say in the movies. When he finally returned, he approved the SudafedŽ purchase, but I saw him mark my name in the Sudafed Registry book with an asterisk. I've been flagged at the Wallgreens. Whatever, dude, I ain't no meth-head.

Speaking of meth-heads, I drove by the Kid Rock concert last night and woah. Nothing against Kid Rock, but he either has a large leper fan base, or there is some strange connection between his brand of southern rap-rock and meth addiction that I'm just not understanding.

::: posted by dan at 10:12 PM :: [ link ] :: (23) comments Social Bookmark Button

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23 previous comments:

OMG... that is awesome. T-bone kinda looks like a meth-head in that picture.

I'm sick too... So, I'm sorry if it's my fault.

This is the crap that makes me love you like I do... so socially awkward.

By Blogger the other sarah, at 11:24 AM  

OH, did she at least say happy birthday before realizing it wasn't yours.

Happy not-birfday not-T-bone...

By Blogger the other sarah, at 11:26 AM  

Yup. He's hot.

By Blogger elizabeth, at 11:28 AM  

Wal mart is worse, you get put into the Computer! But I still love meth! And T, you are a hottie!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:30 AM  

Walgreens only has one "L"
and Kid Rock puts on a really good concert !

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:59 PM  

What does Sudafed have to do with meth? Fortunately, I'm, uh, out of the loop.

By Blogger abby, at 2:44 PM  

Apparently if you buy enough Sudafed and you have knowledge and desire to build a meth lab in your basement, you can sythesize the drug anytime you want, with only the slightest danger of blowing up your neighborhood.

Sorry, I thought that was common knowledge.

By Blogger dan, at 4:58 PM  

I'm going to start make own reerse meth lab. I'm gonna hoarde all the meth I can then turn it back into the stuff us 30+ year old folks really want: The REAL F-ing Nyquil, dammit!!

By Anonymous Kim, at 12:32 AM  

It's the psuedoephidrene in the Sudafed.

Sudafed is on the banned substances list for elite (and not so elite) athletes for the same reason.

By Blogger alivicwil, at 4:00 AM  

First an alcoholic and now a dope head. Dan you are so predictable. Next you will be committing petty crimes to feed your addictions and you will try selling your pitiful body. Predictable, yup so predictable.

By Anonymous The AA Guy Everyone Loves to Hate, at 4:19 AM  

Just wait until the next time you go to get sudafed there. Then they spend 25 minutes checking their records and trying to figure out how many days it's been between sudafed purchases.

What I find odd is with all the security surrounding sudafed, how is it that the meth makers can still make meth?

And why exactly do you have T-Bone licence anyway?

By Blogger Colleen, at 9:36 AM  

the same crap happened to me today at target. they would only sell me one box of claritin because i bought a previous box 12.5 days ago. so i had to get one box and hope that my allergies don't kill me before may 1 (you can only buy 2 boxes a month, which is retarded because that leaves 10 days where i won't be able to breathe through my nose).

they couldn't sell me two more boxes because we all know that you can make a kick ass batch of meth on 20 claritin pills...

By Blogger Honey Bunny, at 4:16 PM  

When Sudafed is outlawed, only the outlaws will -- um, not have sinus headaches.

By Anonymous not with AAnonymous, at 5:09 PM  

You're not just flagged at Walgreens, You're in a Federal DEA Database now. A database shared with the FAA so good luck flying without that extra search

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:38 PM  

Oh, and a database shared with every pharmacy in the country you might as well have your roommate buy it for now on.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:58 PM  

There is a little drug store across the street from the bar I work at. I go over there frequently to get stuff for myself and my coworkers. I have frequent flyer status in their dorky little "Meth-Head Binder". Little do they know, I am making tiny little meths and stashing them next to my collection of abandoned winter attire and confiscated ID's at the bar. Oh, and PS, I actually know a methed-out lady who is missing a tooth(as a result of meth) who fills the gap in her mouth with a cut-off cigarette filter!!! You know you've hit rock bottom when....

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:55 PM  

If meth is made from Sudafed, why do I sleep for 12-16 hours whenever I take it? I must be hyperactive or something.

Here in California they still keep it on the shelves. For a while they were keeping Midol at the register and you had to ask for it, but I think that had more to do with shoplifting (those crazy menstruating gals!!) than anything else. They've mostly quit doing that, though.

By Anonymous june, at 2:01 PM  

I'm a Sudafed addict, so I feel your pain. Damn Seattle and it's mold! Back in the good ol' days, I used to buy Sudafed in bulk at Costco.

Now the pharmacist refuses to sell me 2 boxes, but tells me I can buy all of the Tussin or Western Family cough syrup I want, which does the exact same thing (just look for 30mg of pseudoephedrine), just in liquid form.

I would think 10 boxes of cough syrup would arouse just as much suspicion as a box of Sudefed, but no. Guess you can make meth from the liquid. Gotta know the loopholes....

By Blogger rae, at 7:15 PM  

I also fallinto the "sudafed puts me in a 2 day coma" category. I must be a total drug pussy or something. :P And I also ended up asking permission for sudafed from the Walmart pharmacist.

They can keep their freaking sudafed though. I like the high I get from Nyquil better anyway.

By Anonymous Darcy's Twin, at 3:08 AM  

They put the asterisk in because that's the new Walgreens pharmacy code for "shady, psycho bitch."

I have seriously had a sinus headache for over two weeks! I picked up pseudoephedrine in California over spring break because I knew it would be a hassle to get when I got back to MN. It barely helps, though.

The last time I asked the Target pharmacist for infant drops containing just pure "sudafed" (instead of all the extraneous cough and pain ingredients added)from behind the counter she told me I WASN'T ALLOWED to give small children sudafed, and wouldn't sell it to me. She finally gave it to me when I loudly asked her why they would stock infant sudafed drops if they were dangerous, and started dialing my clinic on my cell phone.

By Blogger stsundown, at 1:08 PM  

Try buying compressed air! Sheesh. If I was dumb enough to inhale it, I sure the hell would do it regardless if they ID'd me or not.
The Walgreen's by my dad's house locks all sort odd stuff up. Yesterday, I went to by Zantac for my dad. Locked up. And then there was the time my now husband and I were condom shopping. With the pharm guy standing there. I made him unlock stuff for shits and giggles.

By Blogger Monkey, at 5:17 PM  

I used to work at walgreens, for like 3 weeks. It was my job to unlock all that stuff. We had a PA code for it and everything.

Right around prom time the "diet aid" locked box was like THE place to be...

By Blogger the other sarah, at 12:58 PM  

I didn't know about the new law & got "asterisked" as well when I came in to the store dirty & sweating due to a full day of heavy landscaping with a neighbor.

I don't know what meth heads look like when they are coming down & needing more meth, but my persistently runny nose & slovenly appearance probably set off a couple alarms.

It didn't help matters when I wrote my street address as "101 Nunya Bidness" & the lady busted me for it. Since I wanted nothing but relief from constant sneezing through Claritin-D, I yelled at her & said if she was checking my information so dilligently, she should've written it in the book herself.

By Anonymous dan, at 4:36 PM  

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