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Tuesday, November 09, 2004 :::

Residual Oompa

I'm filthy. And apparently I need to take a closer look in the mirror before leaving for work in the morning. Right before bedtime this evening I went to wash my face and noticed my T-shirt collar was stained with leftover Loompa:

I swear I really did wash all my clothes after the Halloween party. I guess the costume makeup stained my collar somehow, probably when I pulled my t-shirt over my head upon removal. Anyway, I was in a hurry this morning and didn't notice the mess, even though it looks like I got some serious Cheeto fingers and wiped them on my collar. I wouldn't even know how to explain the green smudges to people who don't know the backstory. I wonder what people thought of me all day.

That reminds me of the time I was in college and ate some Cheetos one night and wiped my Cheeto fingers on my socks in lieu of a napkin. I know, it's really gross. I hadn't yet fully developed into my current state of obsessive compulsive cleanliness. Anyway, the Cheeto sock got stuck in my pant-leg the next day and I unwittingly brought it to class with me, and it fell out when we were in a group huddle for some Lit class. Nobody noticed where it had come from, but there sure were lots of gasps when people noticed a gross old Cheeto sock lying in the middle of our discussion circle. I can't believe I just confessed that story. I was a different dan back then. I consider myself absolved.

::: posted by dan at 1:11 AM :: [ link ] :: (23) comments Social Bookmark Button

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23 previous comments:

I am nowhere near as obessive as you are and I would not have wiped my cheeto fingers on my sock.

You are (or more appropriately were) a filthy pig.

By Blogger Trekgeekscott, at 7:16 AM  

That is the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard! You are hilarious, you and your cheetoh sock! WOO HOO

By Blogger Christian, at 8:08 AM  

Oh - you mean there is a certain age after which one should not use a sock in the absence of a napkin? I guess I better start carrying a tissue tucked under my shirt sleeve like my grandmother did...

By Blogger Hugo, at 8:28 AM  

Guys are gross. My husband did the same sock-as-a-napkin trick in college as well. At first I felt it was somewhat ingenius but then it got really gross, really fast. I wonder if he still does it sometimes...
But he's also the guy that, when he first invited me over to his place, made lemonade for me...yet stirred it with a back scratcher he'd found under the bed. SICKO!
Luckily for me his roommate ratted him out. I can't beleive I still married him after that.
Guys are gross-how can you live with yourselves?!

By Blogger lynne, at 9:07 AM  

Speaking of errant clothing sticking to the insides of pants burly biker union laborer boyfriend called me a couple of weeks ago at work and said "OMG - you will not believe what just happened in front of the 'the guys' - SWEAR you won't tell anyone!" To which I of course responded, "Honey, of course I promise!" So, he proceeds to tell me that his day-before boxers fell down his pant leg (apparently they were stuck there that mornin') and they were dragging on the floor behind his work boot! We laughed our butts off. After hanging up, I of course IMMEDIATELY ran to tell my 2 best friends/co-workers. I swore them to secrecy first though. After returning to my office, my one gal-pal decides to call said burly biker union laborer boyfriend and say the following "Hey Phil, I forgot to ear underwear to work today - got an extra pair I can borrow?" He says he will never tell me a secret again. But folks, seriously, I was s'posed to keep that nugget to myself? Puh-lese!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:23 AM  

I find it hilarious you still claim to be obsessively/compulsively clean yet every story on this blog contradicts this behavior. Dirty, (un)washed t-shirt. Sink filled with day old macaroni. When will you tell the story about how sometimes your house smells like garbage? (It's happened more than once folks - maybe K-mack but it is Dan's house after all)

Who are you trying to kid? Just cause the bloggers can't see/smell the inside of your home doesn't mean they can't read between the lines. You're sick. You shouldn't admit to the shirt story and your coworkers probably think you are disgusting. I do.


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:56 AM  

Dear Dan, the Cheeto Man.. I feel your pain. Once, when I was in college (that's right. COLLEGE.) I needed blot my lips because I had on too much lipstick. And so I used my sock. Double ew. At least you wiped your HANDS, and not your MOUTH on your sock. I am vile and disgusting and thoroughly ill. And I hang my head in shame.

By Blogger andtheivy, at 10:13 AM  

Dan, THANK YOU for coming out of the "sock drawer." I too have wiped my hands; my dirty, Cheeto-laden hands, upon my socks. I even have wiped Cheeto residue on white athletic socks.

Thank you for giving me the courage to come clean about my past sock abuse. I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:02 AM  

Dude, I'm with B*dub. You need to stop claiming this false neat-freak status. You obviously are just like the rest of us & need to admit it. Besides, I remember being inside your car on more than one occasion & having to put my coat down on the seat because it was covered with crumbs & other crap I was afraid to have direct contact with. That just is not NEAT-FREAK. Face it. You're a slob.

By Blogger hot babe, at 12:34 PM  

Frankly, you didn't even need to wear a white T under that shirt...Sometimes I just like to wear a T under main shirt, though, and that's when the V-neck Ts come in handy. Just a lil' FYI...
Although I've never used a sock as a napkin, that would so be my luck. Not only did that have to be the day a sock fell out of your pants, but it just had to be in class and it just had to be the day you were in a small group...Funny.

By Blogger Kiddo78, at 1:21 PM  

C'mon guys - we all used socks in a different manner than what they were intended for!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:26 PM  

Lovely. Just another tidbit of information that will have me wandering around town staring down at mens socks wondering what disgusting thing they've wiped on it. Men sure do come up with clever ways to avoid napkins.

By Blogger Colleen, at 1:32 PM  

Crumbs on my car seat? A garbage smell coming from the garbage? Man, you guys are trying your damnedest to knock me down a peg or two. It rolls right off me, bitches. Besides, from the sounds of these comments, I'm not so abnormal after all. Plus, that Cheeto sock incident was like ten years ago. I can't even remember the last time I ate a Cheeto.

By Blogger dan, at 1:56 PM  

Oh, and I wear white T-shirts under absolutely everything. I wear white t-shirts under colored or designed t-shirts. T-shirts over t-shirts over t-shirts. I'm feel incomplete without one.

By Blogger dan, at 1:58 PM  

When Michael was like 6 months old he spit up alot.I was making my way into the living room when I caught Greg wiping Michaels mouth with a sock.I am still riddled with feelings of anger and disgust over the incident.I literally think it was the lowest point of our relationship.Greg can be amazingly crude.I caught him wiping his funion hands on our chair the other day.I am not sure which is worse consuming funions or the thought..."I know,I will wipe the old,uneatten crumbs off onto the chair." Lynne,I loved the backscatcher lemonade story,Greg has serious competition.

By Blogger Stacy, at 2:44 PM  

I agree, that back-scratcher story takes the cake. Can you imagine what was floating around in that lemonade?

By Blogger dan, at 3:16 PM  

Tell me about it! Luckily I didn't even let him take it out of the frige to see what kind of gross things had partially disolved in that lemonade sewage...
To this day I won't drink anything he's made.

By Blogger lynne, at 3:26 PM  

I didn't write your garbage smelled like garbage. Of course garbage smells like garbage. I wrote "your house smells like garbage." Which it did and there is no denying it.

I'm not trying to take you down a notch(maybe hot babe, but not me, never) I'm just tyring to keep it real, just keepin' it real...


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:31 PM  

I'm not so sure I like you to bring up how you're filthy. Everytime you do, I am implicated in being filty too. I don't like that.

By Blogger Kristina, at 9:30 PM  

Good point, Kristina. And you had absolutely nothin to do with Dan putting on a dirty t-shirt in the morning. Well, unless you dress him- but that's an image & a discussion I think is best left alone.

By Blogger hot babe, at 7:58 AM  

Hey Dan and all. A REALLY smart guy I know is starting a blog here on blogger. I think it is or something. Keep an eye out. Political, beautifully written. Best,Elayne from NYC.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:57 AM  

Wow, maybe some Robitussin will get that out.

By Blogger ceclipse26, at 3:47 PM  

I'm not certain why Robitussin would be used for the removal of stains, but if it does work, I would try Tussin, or Wal-Tussin first. Same stain removing power at half the price.

By Blogger Kristina, at 10:22 AM  

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