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Wednesday, July 14, 2004 :::

The Birth of Shame

I came across the picture on the internet today, and it's funny for many reasons: the ice cream tummy, the tighty whities, the mullet, the towel he brought to spare his feet from the hot pavement and to aid in the immediate consumption of said ice cream, etc. But mostly I had to post this picture because it reminded me of another embarrassing childhood incident: the day I discovered the shame of public nudity.

I was probably like six or something, it was the middle of summer, and my brother's friend – who lived four doors down – had an above ground swimming pool. I was a wee-bit over-excited and eager to go for a dip, so for some reason, and I'm assuming without my mother's approval, I decided that it would be simpler to just wear my tighty-whities on the half-block journey to my neighbor's house, and to simply carry my change of clothes, my swimsuit, my towel, my shoes, and two already-inflated pool toys. Putting on the swimsuit could wait – I had to get to that pool. So in just my briefs – and with pool attire piled up in my arms to above my head – I began the walk. Halfway to my destination, a group of rowdy teens pulled up in their car, and one of them said "Hey kid, you want this hat?" and it was a pretty nice hat. So I said "Sure," and tried to waddle my way over to his car window where he was holding the bait. Of course, I lost control of my payload and dropped everything I was carrying, leaving me standing in nothing but my tighty-whities. That's when all of the teens laughed, pointed, and sped off, literally leaving me in a dust cloud of half-naked, hatless shame. Jerks. Although I can imagine it was funnny from their point of view.

Anyway, that was the day that I discovered that people would mock you if you wore just your underwear in public. Bye-bye sweet childhood innocence. But at least I didn't have a mullet. For another ten years, anyway.

::: posted by dan at 9:54 PM :: [ link ] :: (2) comments Social Bookmark Button

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2 previous comments:

My loss of innosence occured in my backyard.I was about 6 as well, Jamie the kid who lived across the street had just joined me for a ride on my teeter totter.When the ride was over we sat down in the grass and had a popcicle Jamie decided to sit cross legged .To my horror something unfamilliar to me was poking out of his red shorts with the white trim.At least you had the sense to wear your undies.I was scared and demanded he leave the yard.He then pulled down his shorts, went pee, and left.The thought of him gives me a stomach ache.I never allowed him to play over again the pervert.

By Blogger Stacy, at 5:27 PM  

Poor Jamie, and after you went and teased him with the popsicle. You're gross.

By Blogger dan, at 12:28 AM  

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