Thursday, April 03, 2008 :::
The other day I was at a dinner party when I noticed people's gazes kept drifting off toward my left ear. I'd be chatting innocently with another guest with proper eye contact when suddenly something near the side of my head would catch their attention and the distraction would cause the conversation to temporarily falter. I started to get nervous. Was there something on my face? Cheeto dust, perhaps? Did I miss a spot shaving? Trying to hide my panic, I looked around the unfamiliar room for a mirror but the walls were barren.
I was nervous, but I carried on the evening with false confidence. Eventually I was talking to a friendlier face when I saw his eyes drift to the side of my head like so many before him, so I asked, "What? What are you looking at?" and he replied, "You have a hair on your ear, let me get it for you." But instead of brushing a loose hair away from my face, I felt a slight tug. There was a short yet awkward silence before he said "Oh... it's attached."
I was mortified, but he proceeded to pluck it loose from the top of my ear and hand it to me. I was surprised to see that it was blond and practically an inch long. I couldn't imagine how I ever missed it in the mirror for the month and a half it must have taken to grow, but then again the top of my ear is not a place I generally would expect to be in need of a trim, so I'm sure I hadn't given it much attention. I sheepishly said "...thanks," and tried to continue on with the previous conversation, but it was clear the damage was done. To him, and probably the rest of the guests in attendance, I would forever be the guy with the inch-long ear hair.
I guess now that I'm 33 I have to keep an eye out for errant hairs and other embarrassments. At least I'm not this guy, who - according to Guinness - holds the world record for longest ear hair:
Oh great, now you're probably picturing this:
That's not nice of you. Not nice at all.
::: posted by dan at 5:15 PM :: [ link ] :: (12) comments
12 previous comments:
It's like looking at the offspring of a human and a kling-on.
By Joy, at 11:41 PM
Yes Dan, the 30s are just the beginning. You can also look forward to the hair thinning on your legs until they're smooth as a swimmer's. By your forties the growth has all moved up and out your nose and ears.
Trust me, you'll not only be plucking daily nose hairs but shaving its suface along with the tops, sides, and lobes of your ears.
It's a sadness.
By , at 7:55 AM
I get a crazy long eyebrow hair every once in a while. I swear it grows overnight because I never notice it until it over an inch long & all crazy pointing every which way. It would be really hard to miss while getting ready in the morning, but then later in the day I'm all "What the f*ck is that?!"
By CampBlood, at 9:37 AM
YOU'RE WEIRD LOOKIN!!! a-yup.
By , at 9:50 AM
they grow in 4 days not a month and a half... and you will have to chop off your ear to get rid of it.
By whaat?, at 11:20 AM
I have one fine, blonde hair that grows from the outside of my nose (near where the nostril and the bridge meet. I also get one that grows right in the middle of my forehead... Maybe I'm weird but I actually look forward to them. I like to see how long they get before I notice them again and of course there's the plucking that's really satisfying. If they were thick and black though I doubt I'd be so amused.
By , at 1:23 PM
Is the 4 day growth scientific?
I would take great comfort in that, as a fellow Odd Hair Sprouter.
We could make a club, but, um, it would be kind of gross.
By December, at 1:37 PM
I've had the super fast growing, random hair, too. Every three or four years I get this weird white hair in the middle of my cheek. Last time, my boyfriend plucked it out before I even got a chance to be grossed/facinated by it.
By , at 2:21 PM
Norelco nose (& ear) hair trimmer, my man. Put it on the list for Santa. It's time.
By PeaceBang, at 5:07 PM
I get the occasional long, white hair on the middle of my cheek too. I thought I was alone until I noticed one on my friend's forehead.
By , at 5:25 PM
I love the part where he hands you the hair, noting your propreitary right AND his sensitivity as a guest in not casting it aside. It was that transaction that caused the damage, Dan. But I wonder: what did YOU do with it, Dan?
By , at 9:40 AM
He continued to pull it off!?!
By , at 11:51 PM
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