planetdan

Monday, February 15, 2010 :::

A Brief Hiatus

I'll probably never quit my blog, because I'm selfish and attention-starved and I crave validation. Also, I have a bad memory lately so I need to have a place to write everything down and I'm too exhibitionistic to do it in a private journal. But sadly, I have to go on a brief blogging Hiatus because Blogger has decided it will no longer support FTP.

This means I will no longer be able to post, which means I will most likely have to transfer this big bad boy over to Word Press, which means I will need to figure out how in the hell Word Press works and then design myself a new site, which means I have a ton of stuff to figure out. Stupid Blogger.

In the meantime, I've posted a ton of crap below that's been sitting around on my blogging dashboard, half-finished and half-hearted, in order to tide anyone over who might need the occassional dan fix. Just don't read them all at once or you'll be hungry again way before dinner.

I'd would say that planetdan will be back soon, bigger and better than ever, but it will probably be pretty much the same when all is said and done. Maybe even worse for the wear, depending on how well the migration goes. If I can even figure it out at all.

Wish me luck.

::: posted by dan at 11:59 PM :: [ link ] :: (17) comments

Mystery Buzz

My friends and I like to have the occassional game night, so I have a linen closet full of party games and board games and a random puzzle or two. This closet is located directly next to my bathroom, and for the last month or so one of the games has been randomly buzzing an alarm and I can't figure out which one.

Generally, I'll hear it while I'm sitting on the toilet (sorry to make you picture that). I'll be doing my business when suddenly I'll hear a loud harsh honk/buzz, like I'm being judged for not completing my task fast enough. Time's up! It's very disconcerting and mildly offensive.

Other times I'll hear it while on a conference call, or randomly in the middle of the night, or opening a cabinet - as if I chose the wrong prize door on Let's Make a Deal. It's never constant, completely random, and I don't know what's setting if off, but it always seems to be judging me. It's like having my own soundtrack to life as I constantly attempt to beat the clock. I think it's raising my blood pressure.

The other day I stood in front of the closet and studied each game to try to remember which ones have buzzers and which ones have alarms and which ones are totally silent and non-judgmental and love me for who I am, but I can't for the life of me figure out the culprit. Maybe it's like the Tell-Tale Heart and I'm slowly going bonkers.

I suspect that I will have to take each individual game out of the closet this weekend to locate the mystery buzzer, but I'm beginning to think that it's the only thing keeping me on my toes these days, so it might be to my benefit to just let it be for a while.

The only real problem is that I just recently put my house up for sale and I've started having private showings and open houses, and I imagine a prospective buyer opening a closet only to be greeted with an alarming gameshow buzz, like I boobytrapped the house and they just got busted. Not very inviting. Not very inviting at all.

So which games have buzzers? The only one I can think of is Catchphrase, and I don't believe I own the electronic version of that...

I guess it's only a matter of time before the battery runs out. But what if it never does?

::: posted by dan at 11:25 PM :: [ link ] :: (5) comments

Animated GIF Blow-Out

I've neglected Animated Friday for far too many weekends now, so I'm clearing out the inventory in one ginormous posting focused around the two best animated GIF subjects on the planet: crazy animals and stupid people that teach you life lessons. You're welcome.

1. Baby monkeys are mean.

2. Humans are mentally challenged.

3. Whales are cruel bitches.

4. Babies are super cute.

5. Bulls are clumsy sluts.

6. Men are monumentally uncoordinated.

7. Orangutans are creepy pervs.

8. Belt sanders are wicked dangerous.

9. Collies never say die.

10. Dogs are cheeky bastards.

11. Skinny chicks are gullible.

12. Obese doods are unstoppable.

13. And finally, this: Perhaps my new favoritest animated GIF of all time.

::: posted by dan at 11:11 PM :: [ link ] :: (0) comments

Groovy

Can you guess what these super magnified photos are revealing?

Hint: I have a lot of both of them and they both do the same thing.

::: posted by dan at 10:57 PM :: [ link ] :: (1) comments

Certain Old Willies

I saw this picture of the old Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory children online the other day and it shocked me, as it always does, even though I've seen it a million times in the past and I've even posted about it before. Especially Charlie's porn star moustache and Augustus Gloop's Brian Peppers eyes:

But it inspired me to do a little research into these former child-stars' current day careers, which I'm sure has already been blogged about a million times on better sites than mine so I won't go into detail about most of my findings, but I was a tad surprised to find out that the man who once played Mike Tee Vee (Paris Themmen - dead center above) has his own website on which he claims to have starred in The Big Lebowski - a movie which I have seen many times.

The only problem is that there is no mention of the guy anywhere in the extended credits on IMDB.com. So then I had a private movie night where I viewed my copy of The Big Lebowski in super-slow-mo, scanning the faces of every bit character and walk-on for anything resembling the man. As the credits rolled four and a half hours later, I still had no Mike Tee Vee sightings.

Not that I'm calling the man a liar, because he apparently works in casting as well, so perhaps that was his function on the Coen Brothers movie (even though he cryptically lists it in the same "Filmography" chart as his role on Willy Wonka).

So then I went all stalky-time and googled him even further and found out that he's got a Facebook page, where I promptly sent him a friend request so that I could just flat out ask him where I might find him in The Big Lebowski and finish this stupid treasure hunt once and for all. But with rude dismission, he has STILL not accepted my friend request nearly a month later. Maybe he's hanging out in his mom's purse or busy with the taffy pulling machine or something, I dunno, but I'd like to offer him a piece of (exploding) candy as a conciliatory gesture.

I tell you all of this as an explanation as to why I haven't posted much lately: I'm just too damned busy with more important things.

::: posted by dan at 10:55 PM :: [ link ] :: (2) comments