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Saturday, November 11, 2006 :::

They Stole My Pants

After working out at the gym during lunch yesterday, I returned to the locker room to find my locker busted open and my pants missing. Along with my pants, some crafty jackass had taken my wallet, my Blackberry, thirty bucks, and my La Tortilla Ria frequent eater stamp card, which incidentally was finally full and would have entitled me to a free burrito.

It's a good thing I was working at home that day, otherwise I would have had to return to work in my sweaty gym shorts. It's also a good thing that I had left my car keys in my coat pocket, otherwise those probably would have gone missing, too. By the time I contacted my credit card company and bank, they had already charged up $800 worth of crap from the local mall. But what I really don't understand is why they had to take the pants? They were nice looking, to be sure, but did the thief and I just happen to share the same size? They couldn't have much street value, since I think I had purchased them at the Gap for thirty bucks over six months ago... but they were my favorite pair. They could have at least just left me my pants for gosh sake.

My poor jeans are probably lying by the side of the street somewhere. Abused and discarded as if completely uncared for. Bally's Swim & Fitness has kindly denied having any responsibility for my lost or stolen articles, in spite of the fact that they let some random stranger sneak into the locker room and pick my padlock.

The good news is that my company will provide me with a new phone, the replacements for my credit cards and ID are already in the mail, and I won't be held responsible for any unauthorized charges.

But some nasty bastard out there owes me a burrito.

::: posted by dan at 3:04 PM :: [ link ] :: (27) comments Social Bookmark Button

Comments are Closed On this Post

27 previous comments:

You have GOT to find a new gym. End of discussion. Call Cristy Brinkley and Chuck Norris for the home gym thing - no naked people, no burglers. Although, then we'll have no funny gym stories. This would be the straw that broke the camel's back for me!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:16 PM  

Sorry to hear about your troubles man, that sucks.
I even more sorry to hear you missed out on the free burrito. If you're ever in Saskatchewan I'll be happy to buy you one to make up for it (not that I'm admitting to stealing your pants, I just don't want you to have to be burrito-less).

By Anonymous Gwenhwyfar, at 5:43 PM  

where's my burrito! where's my burrito!

By Anonymous worm 2, at 6:21 PM  

You KNOW this is a reprisal from some disgruntled gym member who didn't like you writing about their "junk."

By Anonymous Daniel, at 6:49 PM  

MY GOD - it has been YEARS since I have seen a Super G milk carton...

As for your lost burrito - oh the humanity of it all... may they fart their brains out after they eat it!

By Blogger Spider, at 12:30 AM  

that is the worst, having stuff stolen from you. talk about violating.

i'm always surprised when it has happened to me in the past cause you never expect it. i don't even understand that line of thinking.

i once accidentally threw out some checks my credit card co. sent me, not realizing what was inside. some bum, rifling through the garbage, found them & wrote a $1500 check for a hauling trailer from a private party. once i figured out what had happened it was past the time allowed by the cc co. i was working two jobs, & it happened during the holiday season so i hadn't taken the time to check my statement that month. MAJOR lesson learned! it was a very violating feeling.

but taking your jeans AND your burrito card? now that's low

By Anonymous August, at 12:48 AM  

someone once stole some underwear off my laundry line. The idea of someone walking around in my underwear seemed so bizarre to me. and they only took like 3 pairs. it still haunts me

By Blogger george86, at 1:04 AM  

Poor Kid, you need a new gym.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:29 AM  

Man. That is so awful. What more needs to go down at that gym before you throw in the towel?
Disease? Near-death experience? Kidnap & torture?

By Blogger Elle Marie, at 12:03 PM  

Dan.....That SUCKS!!! Find a new gym!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:01 PM  

Dan, I'm sorry to hear about you being robbed. My car was broken into twice at college. They stole all my cassettes (this was the 80's), my bridge toll quarters and my textbooks. Textbooks are very expensive. Worse, I had to have the broken car windows replaced, twice. Philly can be a bad town.

Hey, george86, some perv stole my sister's panties off the line, also. Just the panties.

By Anonymous toddbee, at 7:56 AM  

I hate that someone stole all your stuff! It was probably the guy that you snapped with your underwear. I think you deserve a free burrito anyway.... :)

By Blogger CampBlood, at 9:08 AM  

Dan...buddy, lose the gym then you won't lose the pants! I'm so sorry for your troubles...people can just suck! We'll miss the funny gym stories, but in the'll have your burrito!

By Blogger ntrudr, at 9:55 AM  

Sorry to hear that you were robbed. A similar thing happened to me at my gym a year ago. They left my pants but took my wallet (and ran up 2500 of debt on three credit cards in an hour). They never caught whoever did it, despite having CCTV footage of a fat, ugly, bald guy spending my money. And I got no compensation from the gym, who just seemed concerned to hush the whole thing up so it wouldn't freak out the other members.

Even if you do change gyms, leave your credit card at home. And pick a locker that's in direct line of entrances/exits. I made the mistake of using the gym at a quiet time of day, and picking a locker in a tucked-away corner of the locker-room.

By Blogger Lubin, at 11:37 AM  

I can't believe no one has made the comment that this is exactly like those jeans commercials! Not to minimize your loss.

But it is like the one where the burglar is on TV being chased and he steals the guy's pants off the clothesline and the guy, watching it on TV runs out to tackle the pants burglar.

Your gymn might not take responsibilty, but I think you should take in the police report to the taco place and plead your case for the burrito.

By Blogger The Artist Extraordinaire, at 1:18 PM  

Awwww...poor Dan, forced to exercise outdoors because of your nasty Bally's experience(?) Word of advice: Remove your Tommy Lee sock first, you will be much more comfortable during your run.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:26 PM  

Why the hell do you still belong to this gym? Seriously, are you some kind of masochist??

By Anonymous june, at 2:54 PM  

It's the closest gym to my house and it only costs $18 a month.

If I had to drive farther I'd never go and if I had to pay more I wouldn't join, so I'm kinda stuck.

Besides nicer towels and more equipment, most gyms are only as good as the members, so I doubt people have much better experiences anywhere else.

By Blogger dan, at 3:54 PM  

Band name: Burrito Hijacking

By Anonymous Jeff, at 6:30 PM  

I'm sure they stole your pants because it was faster than trying to extract your wallet and other pocket contents, and made for a quicker get away. Also - and I can't believe nobody else mentioned this - they were hoping that having no pants would slow down your response time while you found something street worthy to wear.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:45 PM  

You should totally get some home equipment. You'll save the pants, the burritos, the identity theft, AND the embarassing moments. should have the gym check the cameras for someone running out with a pair of pants. Get all CSI on it.

By Blogger Monkey, at 10:29 PM  

We had all our luggage stolen out of our car the first night of our vacation. They even stole the owner's manual!! They took my 5 year olds brand new gameboy that he paid for with his own money. And I know all my clothes ended up in a dump somewhere....bastards.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:17 AM  

A burrito and 1 pair of gently used pants!

By Anonymous kokopellireader, at 6:31 AM  

Here in Cali; thieves lurk in gym parking lots and watch for women
who enter the gym with no purse
(they leave it in their car or car
trunk). They break into the cars
to get the stuff.

The only way these days to prevent
this thievery is to have your own
gym (as others have said) and definitely get a shredder (as August said). I have both.

I stopped going to gyms after I
experienced a couple of nasty bouts of the flu from the disgusting, sweaty, germy people
who slimed all of the equipment
with their diseases.

By Anonymous Sandy CA, at 1:38 PM  

Dan...I hope this brightens your day a bit. It would seem the thieving pants man will not be indulging in your burrito after all...La Tortilla Ria is closed!

By Blogger ntrudr, at 1:42 PM  

You know what I love about you? You find the humour. In everything. Talent.

By Blogger elizabeth, at 3:55 PM  

Well, I just had all the stuff in my locker stolen at Goodlife (formerly Bally) tonight. Since I came after work on the bus (so I didn't have my car there, thank heavens) I had my purse, gym bag and good clothes I wear to work. They took everything,underwear included. The strange thing is that they put a lock back on the locker similar to mine. When I went to open it after the workout class (aqua cardio) my key would not open the lock. I had the staff cut the lock only to discover that it was empty, other than an empty water bottle. The staff didn't really seem all that concerned. All I had was my towel and bathing suit. Another gym member loaned me some extra clothes and a neighbour drove me home. I had nothing, no money, no glasses to see, but they didn't care. We did file a police report, but I doubt I'll get anything back. Goodlife really doesn't care about you, just your monthly payment. It was better when it was Bally

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:17 PM  

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