planetdan

Wednesday, September 23, 2009 :::

Low Clearance, Y'all

Venice is pretty awesome. I was half expecting a tourist trap with stinky canals, but it's nothing like that at all. It has tourists, yes, and tourist traps to be sure, but there are also great stuff and amazing sceneries around every corner. And riding boats along the canals is insane. Those drivers have no fear whatsoever, and apparently have no concern for high tide and low clearance at great speeds:

Getting here was not as fun, though. They cancelled my flight without ever telling me, tried to re-schedule it for an entire day later, and I ended up leaving half a day earlier.

I sat next to a 22-year old girl from Tennessee who had never been on a plane before. Her name was Sumer (with just one 'm'), and she was supposed to meet her husband who had been stationed in Venice with the Army. She constantly referred to me in the plural as "y'all" even though there is only one of me. "Is the plane supposed to make that noise, y'all?" She was a text-book nervous first-time flyer.

She also had a dog on her lap in a carrier bag. It whined and scratched to get out of the bag which was unfortunately/fortunately against the rules. I asked what the unseen dog was named, and I thought she replied "Aragorn," so I said "Oh, like Lord of the Rings?" and she said "No, like the dragon rider, y'all." Apparently she meant "Eragon."

This was all fine, until the in-flight movie began. As soon as I saw the name Matthew McConaughey appear in the credits, I thought "I'm out," and started to pack up my headphones, but she literally screamed "Oh my god I'm sooooo getting out my headphones, y'all. You totally have to watch this."

It was called The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and it was, by far, one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Sumer didn't agree. Not only had she already seen it, but she loved it, and she loved it so much that she wanted me to love it too. So during the whole movie she would look over at me to see if I was laughing, loving, crying, barfing - whatever the hell you are supposed to do during a Matthew McConaughey movie. I had to fake it. It was hard to fake it for two hours. On a plane. Next to a whining dog. And a girl name Summer with a thick southern drawl, y'all.

When the movie was finally over, she looked at me expectingly, wanting me to gush. I smiled and nodded with exaggerated enthusiasm, faked a yawn and said, "Well, I better try to get some sleep."

"Will I be able to see the Colosseum from the plane, y'all?" she replied. I knew it was going to be a long night. And I was so afraid that Eragon was going to poop on my carry on that I never actually fell asleep.

But who cares. I'm in Italy now and nothing else matters. I'll have some better pictures for you soon.

::: posted by dan at 4:28 PM :: [ link ] :: (6) comments

Comments are Closed On this Post

6 previous comments:

Think of it this way; you've supported our fighting men in uniform by keeping this guy's bumpkin wife company on her way to see (and, let's hope for him, sex) him. Y'all.

By

Phil, at 8:47 AM

Y'all is actually singular. All y'all is plural. So, as it turns out, she was addressing you properly.

By

Scott, at 10:10 AM

Hey y'all. I googled my name and found this :(

I can't believe you didn't like my movie, ya'll! I thought we were friends! You're a douche!

By

Sumer, at 12:12 PM

just so you know puking is always the appropriate response to anything related to Matthew Mcconaughey.
Movies,new music ventures,appearances on Rahael Ray... anything with him pretty much warrants at least a dry heave.

google matthew mcconaughey workout...thee are thumbnails of him doing various workouts in the surf *puke* I think he may have been wearing a beenie...

By

Stacy, at 3:29 AM

My worst in-flight neighbour was a South African who flirted with the air hostess, then asked me where I was from. When I said "The UK", he said "Oh well, it's not your fault."

I moved seats while he was in the toilet.

By

Lubin, at 5:42 AM

Sumer? Like ancient Sumer? Like the earliest known civilization in the world? Hmmm.

Your entire recount of that dialogue played in my head with Sumer's part being voiced by the talking pothole in the Geico commercials. (If you haven't seen it, it's at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1pNPOZUf10)

I can't explain why I love that commercial...

P.S. My word verification is femido... I'm getting like, feminist commando... It's a little scary in my head.

By

Autum, at 9:23 AM

< Back to Blog