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Sunday, January 15, 2006 :::


A little over two years ago (December 7th, 2003 to be exact), I stalked Rufus Wainwright after a concert and got my ticket autographed. Then some mystery woman took a picture of us together and promised to mail it to me, but I never got it in the mail, nor did I get her name or contact information. All I know is that she worked at US Bank somewhere in Minneapolis. I've waited long enough. I want that picture. So if you know a current or former US Bank employee in Minneapolis who likes to make empty promises and is also a Rufus Wainwright fanatic, help a brother out.

As long as we're on the topic of autographs, I have a few others I should mention:

Anna Nicole Smith
Way before Anna was famous for slurring her speech and marrying an octogenarian, she was just a Guess model with less-big-yet-still-fake breasts. She came to the mall I was working at to promote jeans at the JC Penney, so on my scheduled 15-minute break I got a taco and went to meet her. This autograph is funny because it says "thanks for waiting" even though I was the only person there to see her. At the time I was embarrassed about munching on a taco in front of a supermodel (hey, my break was only 15 minutes, I had to multi-task), but had I known the trashy depths to which she would eventually sink I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought. In fact I probably would have offered her a bite.

Carmen Electra
Way before she was on Baywatch or married to that mush-mouthed basketball player, Carmen Electra was just a Prince protege trying to put out her own rap record. B* and I were at Prince's club Glam Slam to attend a "Star Party" that I had won tickets to (featuring such amazing acts as John Secada, Shai, Expose, and Eddie Money, if you can handle it). Prince was nowhere in sight, but Carmen made a surprise appearance to promote her new single Go-Go Dancer. This autograph was signed mere minutes after she cartwheeled across the stage in a hot pink bikini while she rapped about being the life of the party:

I also have a autographs of Tuvok and B'Elanna Torres from Star Trek: Voyager that I acquired after B* dragged me to a couple sci-fi conventions. They are not scan-worthy. On the other hand, the pictures I took at the sci-fi-convention are extremely scan-worthy, but B* told me he would stab me in the face if they were ever released to the public, so I guess that's out.

I also got David Cassidy's autograph once, but I gave it to a friend. And I had every member of KISS sign a CD booklet for a coworker once, too. I believe that's the extent of my autograph collection, so I'll shut up now.

::: posted by dan at 4:58 PM :: [ link ] :: (19) comments Social Bookmark Button

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19 previous comments:

I once asked Jello Biafra for an autograph after one of his 'spoken word' gigs. All I had on me was a dollar, so he drew devil horns on G. Wash and signed his name.

It was pretty cool, until I spent that dollar on some salsa verde doritos.

And so it goes.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:51 PM  

Ok so I'm new to planetdan - who's B*?

By Anonymous Pocket Change, at 7:52 PM  

I have a set list signed by Brendan Benson... and a picture with MCA of the Beastie Boys. *sigh... no tart autographs in my collection

By Blogger aisy, at 8:22 PM  

B* is my friend Brent. He gets a code name like everyone else I know, but they all end up revealing themselves in the comments anyways, so it ends up being no big secret.

By Blogger dan, at 9:04 PM  

I think your memory is fading mister 'cause A) they never sold Guess? at Penny's. So you were probably at Carson's or Donaldson's B) Prince was at Star Party because he walked by us wearing a cape. and C) You wanted to go to that convention just as bad as I did. Don't deny it. "dragged me to a couple of sci-fi conventions" my ass.

By Blogger brent, at 10:47 PM  

In 6th grade, we had to write a letter to "someone famous" who we admired. I wrote to Liza Minelli for some reason, and I'll be damned if I wasn't the only kid in class who got a personalized autographed photo back.

That one Wayne Koyne (Flaming Lips) and Jon Stewart's are the only ones I have.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:49 PM  

I have worked on Shaq, I considered having him autograph my massage table,but didn't ask him for some reason, and instead made an appointment for him with my chiropractor (he had whiplash from his celebrity boxing match on pay-per-view). The kids watched him get adjusted, and the wierdest thing about him was that his toenails were painted sparkley green. Girls think its sexy was his reasoning. The kids didnt want his autograph, but my son got one for one of his buddies. Hayden did get to hold his .45 and m4 that he had in his trunk. Does that count for anything?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:04 AM  

Henry Rollins replied to my email. He signed it Henry. Is that an autograph?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:05 AM  

If emails count, then I also have "autographs" from Mike White and Roger Ebert.

And Brent, you may be right about JC Penny's vs. Carson's, but I think it is your memory that is fading when it comes to Prince. There was a rumor he was up on the upper VIP level, but we never saw him. It was Carmen who was in the cape. I stood right next to her. I can see how you'd get confused, though, since they are both the same height.

By Blogger dan, at 10:01 AM  

I got an autograph from Leonard Nemoy and some of the other Star Trek cast when I was in San Fransico and they were filming the movie with the whales. (Can't remember - was it V?) Anyways it was cool.

By Blogger elizabeth, at 10:04 AM  

That was the fourth movie: The Voyage Home. A Star Trek movie even your mother could love.

By Blogger dan, at 11:04 AM  

It was Carson's. Carson Pixie Scoot. I was working there at the time, so I could almost say that I worked with Anna. She was in the junior denim department, I was in house wares.

By Blogger Kristina, at 12:20 PM  

i had to laugh about the rufus stuff, my BF is nuts about him, and also did the hanging around after the concert thing, but she ended up giving him a ride home!!

By Blogger kelly, at 3:06 PM  

My first autograph was from some lady on General Hospital. I don't even remember her name anymore! Anyway, my most recent acquirement was getting autographs from the band Live at the new Myth nightclub. Very nice guys.

By Anonymous JL, at 3:20 PM  

why don't you just photoshop the picture ?
problem solved, no plea for help needed.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:57 PM  

Totally off the subject, I need you to read your email!! 11:00 MN time too late to call... anyone.

By Blogger Colleen, at 9:00 PM  

wow... dan, you have some pretty hot chicks's autographs. I'm jealous. I have some christian band's autograghs and nick swardson. Who is hillarious, but hardly uber-famous.

By Anonymous sarah, at 8:31 PM  

kristina's right, it was Carson's I was rent-a-security for the gig. I remember it was just after her pictorial in Playboy and I was in charge of making sure that no one brought a copy up to have signed. go figure....

By Anonymous Bob Crossley, at 2:33 PM  

Just curious, since you met her pre-"I have money to get wasted and fat" rich phase. Did she slur and talk like that then? She has always said that it is her Texas accent. Just wondering.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:05 PM  

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