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Wednesday, December 14, 2005 :::

Screw You, Face Recognizer!

I found out about some online face recognition software that can compare your face with thousands of celebrities and well-to-dos. Of course I wanted to know what dashing young movie stars I resembled, so I uploaded my picture. Well, screw you!

Who the hell is Melvin Calvin? Then I thought that this would be a good test to see how accurate my Prince costume was from last Halloween. So I uploaded that picture, and it confirmed my fears: I looked more like Captain Jack than The Artist Formerly.


::: posted by dan at 12:27 PM :: [ link ] :: (47) comments Social Bookmark Button

Comments are Closed On this Post

47 previous comments:

Annette Benning? That's hot.

This thing says I look like some Israeli pop star:

Who knew?

By Blogger Biglug, at 1:30 PM  

This software doesn't appear to work very well... I uploaded a picture of Tom Cruise and they returned a picture of some guy that looks nothing like Tom Cruise. Seems like Tom should be in the celebrity database, no?

By Blogger clara, at 1:31 PM  

lol...captain jack is hot...haha @ dirrty...and oh wow @ the tom cruise thing...thats juss sad

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:40 PM  

If you think about it though, it is for a heritage, so if those 2 had an offspring, that is who you parents would be, not comparing you to a celebrity :) Dan, amazing how much you actually did look like captain Jack, sunken cheeks and all..

By Blogger TracyD, at 1:55 PM  

Oh Dan, you have really started something in my office! Love, Sigourney Weaver???

By Anonymous Kristi, at 2:16 PM  

Yeah - and i got matched with Danny DeVito... fyi - im not fat, im not balding, and im not short. and im not old. i dont look like him, no sir. It was good for a hard laugh, though! One of the other celebrities matched with me was Ben Affleck, which was a bit more promising...

By Anonymous Richard, at 3:26 PM  

Yes! I took another pic of mine and now i got matched with Keanu Reeves and Kurt Cobain - im pertty after all!

By Anonymous Richard, at 3:32 PM  

My day is like so ruined!

The best match? Elton John and Peter Sellers! Ugh! So, then I set the parameters to define only women, and who the hell do they think I look like?


Billie Jean King!!!!!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:06 PM  

My son looks like Christina Ricci, my daughter looks like Lindsay Lohan and I look like Julianne Moore, Shania Twain and Beyonce. That was fun.

By Blogger elizabeth, at 4:34 PM  

Apparently I am a 28 yo white man who closely resemble Toni Morrison. Oprah, here I come!

By Anonymous David, at 5:03 PM  

Hmmm, my first photo brought up no one :(
Wait, the second one brought up Julia Roberts! Not bad. Gotta be the smile.
Thanks, dan, for keeping me occupied day after day.

By Blogger rae, at 5:44 PM  

Okay, I LOVE this new software...

By Blogger Bewareoftheblog, at 6:58 PM  

Damn...apparently I look like Condoleeza if only I could find my panties...

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:04 PM  

I uploaded Uncle Rays's picture. He came back as a dead ringer for Dan! Imagine that.

By Anonymous billthecatlives, at 9:42 PM  

You Imperialists american pigs without any culture! That "some guy" vaguely looking as Tom Cruise is the belgian singer Jacques Brel!!!

By Anonymous Augusto von Ribbentrop (son of), at 8:12 AM  

The computer was nice to me-It said I looked like Scarlett Johansen and Nicole Kidman, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

Are you trying to seduce me, Face Recognizer?!

By Blogger lynne, at 8:45 AM  

Hi Dan!! It's Jessica. I promised you I would write you to let you know that I really am reading your blog! I look forward to your new posts each and everyday. Thanks for keeping my mind occupied while I am at work. Glad to see I am in so many of the photos! Sorry that I am usually making out with Alicia in them :) Talk to you soon!

By Blogger JuicyJess, at 9:26 AM  

dan, that's seriously awesome.

By Blogger Honey Bunny, at 10:20 AM  

hahah! i just did mine and it came back with MORGAN FREEMAN!

that cracks me up!

By Blogger Honey Bunny, at 11:04 AM  

Honey Bunny - maybe the face recognizer knows you have a thing for Ashley Judd? I'm just sayin' computers don't lie.

By Blogger brent, at 11:54 AM  

I uploaded a picture of my face and it came back as peter sellers, I am hoping it was because of my square rim glasses because it's the only thing that we have in common...i think I'll try it later without my glasses...playahata

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:36 PM  

..) .*)
(.(. ..*)

By Anonymous Sweets-n-Scotch, at 1:21 PM  

That thing looks cool and scientific, but it is actually retarded, whoops, I mean challenged. Just because it appears to use matrix-y head scanning graphics, doesn't mean anything matrix-y is actually happening. I realized this when my cat apparently came back matched with Danny DeVito, Elton John and Sacrlett Johnasen, depending on how his head was angled in the photo. Regardless, I admit, it is FUN!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:55 PM  

Well the only match that came back from me was Johnny Depp.
On one hand it's cool to be matched to someone that hot and on the other hand it's depressing to be matched to a guy....

By Blogger Gwenhwyfar, at 3:18 PM  

it could've been worse. you could've been matched with kim jong il.
*hangs head in shame*(btw i'm a 22yo female)

please excuse me while i place my face in the nearest vat of acid.

(no offense kim jong)

By Anonymous momo, at 5:49 PM  

What they didin't match you up with Treat williams? I can't belive it!

By Anonymous stacy, at 7:17 PM  

Hmmm... Vivien Leigh, Halle Berry, Shania Twain, Keira Knightly, and Emma (Hermione) Watson. I never knew I was so magically delicious!!! Ummmm yes I did! ;)HAHAHAHA! This was MUCH fun! Thanks Dan!!

By Anonymous Princess Melany, at 6:37 AM  

Has anybody loaded a picture of their dog into this software?

By Blogger Smartypants, at 8:57 AM  

I tried it and it didn't match me with anyone. It kept asking me to do it again in alternative ways. And I used good close-up pictures. maybe I don't look like anybody or I look like everybody.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:42 PM  

Thanks for the website b/c I did it and I got Katie Holmes and Hermione from Harry Potter. Sadly, I am more excited about Hermione.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:33 PM  

My sister has an amusing note about this site and how it views Koreans (link).

By Blogger Scooter, at 4:12 PM  

Dan must have faked his results. I ran his photo through the recognition program and the results came back identifying him as a flaming alcoholic queer. Isnt it about time he quit denying his true self and got some help?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:01 PM  

Dan,,that site is beautiful 17yr old blonde, blue eyed daughter (unbelievably pretty) has just been matched with freaking Al

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:58 PM  

Funny face recognizer and everything.. but heres a joke.. you should put The Chipmuncks Christmas carol on here.. great song, plus i can't find it anywhere else...

By Anonymous Melissa, at 1:01 AM  

Having seen your pictures of "Europe" then return to this blog - it's quite clear you need help.

In case you're wondering "why they built that castle", they do things like that in "Europe" because the like to keep out foreign idiots. Like you.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:16 AM  

dammit, you made it so popular that now it won't WORK! and I was soooo hoping it'd match me with someone cool, like the Pope or Michael Jackson, pre-bleach and nose shaving.

I'm so disappointed. :(

By Anonymous Daphne, at 9:01 AM  

I got compared to Annette Benning too!
Are we related?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:06 PM  

I apparently look like a combination of Gwyneth Paltrow and George Gershwin!

By Blogger stsundown, at 9:26 AM  


Dan! I introduced a friend to your site a few months back, and she loves it.

Recently, she entered a newspaper contest (she had to describe 5 websites) and, partially based on her description of yours, she won an ipod Nano!

Jut thought you'd like to know, check out the article at

Scroll down to the article starting "Tori Ryan....."

By Blogger Angela, at 2:31 PM  

Nice press for dan. Though I hope potential readers are able to find the site eventually. (mental note: orangantuans are funny)

By Blogger callmekidd, at 3:05 PM  

Jesus christ you have a lot of comments for this post! Mine said Christina Ricci (which I get all the time) and Michael Jackson. Say wha?

By Blogger ab, at 3:57 PM  

Hey that's really cool for the publicity, Angela, but I am, not, and I think your friend should owe me one fifth of an iPod.

By Blogger dan, at 5:31 PM  

Dan's web site also ranks very high in the gay and habitual drinker communities. These groups closely identify with Dan's postings.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:24 PM  

dan, why don't you delete comments made by ignorant idiots who should just go somewhere else if they don't like your blog?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:40 PM  

I just noticed your "Prince Face" looks an awful lot like "Did You Read The Brief Face." Copy cat.

Also, what would you do with an ipod? You Mac hater...

By Blogger brent, at 8:12 AM  

I look like meryl streep and steven soderberg... it's only because they wear glasses... i tested it and it said that charlize theron is a 70% match to charlize theron

By Anonymous Sarah, at 5:52 PM  

I uploaded Robbie Williams's photo and he 50% looks like himself! Interesting. No wonder it couldn't match me with any celeb. phew!
btw do you know who I'm talking about? :)

By Anonymous Gulyasgirl, at 9:16 AM  

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