Posts Tagged costumes

Sexy Halloween Time 2011

I just can’t resist perusing the new crop of “sexy” Halloween costumes that comes out every year. I used to be disgusted yet fascinated. Now I’m just giddy with anticipation come October. Here’s some of my favorites for 2011:

Sexy Childhood Male Icons
Sexy Willy Wonka, Sexy Cat in the Hat, and Sexy Marvin the Martian, all male childhood icons, and all here to confuse you about what’s happening down there in your downstairs.

You can buy this at yandy.com, if you are so inclined.

Sexy Unicorn
Seems a bit juvenile to dress up as a mythical animal worshipped by twelve year old girls, but I guess the phallic headpiece makes up for that.

You can buy this at yandy.com, if you are so inclined.

Sexy Twix Bar
Are we really doing this now? Sexy food items? What’s next, sexy loaf of bread? Sexy mustard bottle?

Sexy Mustard Bottle
Okay, game on.

Sexy Tin Man
Tin man was the gayest dood in Wizard of OZ. At least she’ll appeal to the latents. If she only had a brain.

Sexy Belle from Beauty and the Beast
This one was almost a normal costume until they had to go and jack up the front, as if someone just yanked the cord on a bad set of curtains.

Sexy Seal/Dolphin
WIthout the head it’s hard to tell what animal this is, and neither would be the worst animal to fetishize, I suppose. But wearing this, you’re begging for seal noises and flapping arm-fin jokes.

You can buy this at yandy.com, if you are so inclined.

Sexy Skunk
Wait, wut? I guess at least you could flatulate all night long and just claim that you were really owning the role.

Sexy Beaver on Wood
Subtle.

Sexy Chinese Takeout Container
Ain’t nothing sexier than a greasy fast food container. I know whenever I find a Chinese Food Menu hanging on my doorknob…

Sexy True Blood Waitress
Timely trends are always a bad idea. In five years this is going to look like nothing more than a white T-shirt and a blue mini. Oh wait, it is nothing more than a white T-shirt and blue mini.

You can buy this at yandy.com, if you are so inclined.

Sexy Clockwork Orange
Nothing sexier than a bit of the ol’ ultraviolence.

Sexy Bomb
Well that’s a flattering silhouette. Also, maybe a tad too counterproductively chastity-beltish.

Sexy CrazyTime
I have respect for this one cuz it don’t pull punches. These bitches be crazy.

You can buy this at yandy.com, if you are so inclined.

That’s it! Can’t wait for 2012!

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A Sexy Halloween Overload

It’s that time of the year again.

We all know that sexy Halloween costumes for women have gotten out of control. I lampooned them years ago. The difference between then and now is that back then I had to invent phony costumes in order to push it to the level of total absurdity, but now the costume manufacturers are doing the work for me. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, the following examples of my favorite Sexy Halloween Costumes of 2010 need no embellishment:

1. Sexy Avatar Babe
This one was inevitable, since it’s the most popular movie of all time, and you just know that dozens of sci-fi convention gals have been testing out their blue coverall makeup for months. But even if it’s totally popular, that doesn’t mean it’s not entirely regrettable.

2. Sexy Horror Movie Heroes
The female Jason costume is just a sports jersey with no pants, which is probably the same as her “Sunday Best” in the Fall. And lady Chucky? There was a Bride of Chucky, you know. Why make him into a her when you already got a perfectly good her? I suppose at the very least they are trying to be scary.

3. Sexy New Twists on Old Classics
Apparently old classics like Sexy Cop just weren’t sexy enough anymore, so this new version updates the ensemble into what is basically a handkerchief and a thong. If it weren’t for the barely-there badge and the handcuffs, this costume could just as easily be called Sexy Discount Fabric Scraps.

4. Sexy CSI Slut
This one is sort of baffling, just because I can’t think of a logical reason for her to be wrapped in crime-scene tape, unless she was the victim, and the magnifying glass is like CSI: Sherlock Holmes edition. And where on earth does she keep her fingerprinting duster?

5. Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Cowabunga! You and three of your sluttiest friends can have the sexy time of your life… at your 10-year-old neighbor’s Halloween party.

6. Sexy Finding Nemo Nymphette
Or you could have the sexy time of your life… at your 8-year-old neighbor’s Halloween party.
You can buy this at yandy.com, if you are so inclined.

7. Sexy Sesame Street Hotties
Or you could have the sexy time of your life… at your 5-year-old neighbor’s Halloween party. Because why stop at elementary school? Why not scar children for life right in pre-school? Heck, everyone needs to learn that C is for Cookie sometime. Sexy Big Bird blows my mind.

8. Sexy Mrs. Potato Head
This one might be my favorite.

“Hey Tiff, what are you going to be for Halloween?”

“Sexy Mrs. Potato Head.”

“That’s hott.” <– said in your most Paris Hiltony voice.

9. Sexy Halloween Time for Man Sluts
Apparently, the Sexy Halloween Costume trend is even crossing gender boundaries this year, although they are starting off simple:

Unfortunately, the sexiest man costume of all is not available yet. But don’t fret, it’s coming soon. Just in case the Walmart near you doesn’t carry black wife-beaters, self-tanner, and Aquanet.

Can’t wait until next year!

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