Archive for September, 2010

A Sexy Halloween Overload

It’s that time of the year again.

We all know that sexy Halloween costumes for women have gotten out of control. I lampooned them years ago. The difference between then and now is that back then I had to invent phony costumes in order to push it to the level of total absurdity, but now the costume manufacturers are doing the work for me. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, the following examples of my favorite Sexy Halloween Costumes of 2010 need no embellishment:

1. Sexy Avatar Babe
This one was inevitable, since it’s the most popular movie of all time, and you just know that dozens of sci-fi convention gals have been testing out their blue coverall makeup for months. But even if it’s totally popular, that doesn’t mean it’s not entirely regrettable.

2. Sexy Horror Movie Heroes
The female Jason costume is just a sports jersey with no pants, which is probably the same as her “Sunday Best” in the Fall. And lady Chucky? There was a Bride of Chucky, you know. Why make him into a her when you already got a perfectly good her? I suppose at the very least they are trying to be scary.

3. Sexy New Twists on Old Classics
Apparently old classics like Sexy Cop just weren’t sexy enough anymore, so this new version updates the ensemble into what is basically a handkerchief and a thong. If it weren’t for the barely-there badge and the handcuffs, this costume could just as easily be called Sexy Discount Fabric Scraps.

4. Sexy CSI Slut
This one is sort of baffling, just because I can’t think of a logical reason for her to be wrapped in crime-scene tape, unless she was the victim, and the magnifying glass is like CSI: Sherlock Holmes edition. And where on earth does she keep her fingerprinting duster?

5. Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Cowabunga! You and three of your sluttiest friends can have the sexy time of your life… at your 10-year-old neighbor’s Halloween party.

6. Sexy Finding Nemo Nymphette
Or you could have the sexy time of your life… at your 8-year-old neighbor’s Halloween party.
You can buy this at yandy.com, if you are so inclined.

7. Sexy Sesame Street Hotties
Or you could have the sexy time of your life… at your 5-year-old neighbor’s Halloween party. Because why stop at elementary school? Why not scar children for life right in pre-school? Heck, everyone needs to learn that C is for Cookie sometime. Sexy Big Bird blows my mind.

8. Sexy Mrs. Potato Head
This one might be my favorite.

“Hey Tiff, what are you going to be for Halloween?”

“Sexy Mrs. Potato Head.”

“That’s hott.” <– said in your most Paris Hiltony voice.

9. Sexy Halloween Time for Man Sluts
Apparently, the Sexy Halloween Costume trend is even crossing gender boundaries this year, although they are starting off simple:

Unfortunately, the sexiest man costume of all is not available yet. But don’t fret, it’s coming soon. Just in case the Walmart near you doesn’t carry black wife-beaters, self-tanner, and Aquanet.

Can’t wait until next year!

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Belated

Oops. Shhhhh. Don’t bring it up, but planetdan.net turned eight years old last week and I forgot to give it a present. :(

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Nostalgic for Nostalgia

I was watching TV last weekend when I came across a rerun of “I Love the 80′s” on VH1. That odd thing is that those nostalgia shows originally aired like 15 years ago and watching them again is like a blast from the past, so I realized I was having nostalgia about the nostalgia shows.

I watched multiple episodes in a row, not to reminisce about the 80′s, but rather to reminisce about the cast of comedians and commenters as they reminisced about the 80′s back in the 90′s. I know it sounds complicated, but it was fascinating to watch the various has-been commenters (who were at the time probably very “now”) tell lame jokes and make unfunny references to random things that were apparently popular and current in the 90′s but now seem as old hat as AOL.

They need a new show, called “I Love ‘I Love the 80s’” where they bring in NEW commentators to comment on the OLD commentators, talking about how lame their hairdos were and making various “where are they now?” jokes. Of course, these new commenters and their jokes would only be relevant for about five years and then it would inevitably become old and lame until the cycle began again and they brought in even NEWER commentators to comment on the formerly new commentators as they commented on the OLD commentators who were commenting about the 80′s. And this could happen ad infinitum forever and ever amen until VH1 was just a big babbling meta channel of talking heads and criss-crossing comments on a 24-hours-a-day program called “I Love ‘I Love ‘I Love ‘I Love ‘I Love the 80′s Strikes Back”””.

At a certain point, it might get too complicated to understand who’s commenting about what, though, with commenters commenting about commenters commenting about commenters. Like watching Inception and never being able to figure out whose dream you are in.

In five years, that Inception reference is going to seem so 2010.

And speaking about the 80′s, they were awesome:

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Animated Friday (Corgi-Flop Edition)!

Happy-time file make danny happy. So happy, in fact, that I will post it directly on the front page and not even worry about the bandwidth issues of loading a 2MB file every time somebody accesses this page:

Seriously, I could watch that all day. And I know it’s actually Thursday, but I just couldn’t wait.

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